TAURANGA JOTTINGS.

Observer, Volume 4, Issue 82, 8 April 1882, Page 54

TAURANGA JOTTINGS.

■ — A hair-raising rumour —Charley Turner is endeavouring to. grow a crop of hair by the potent aid of raw onions.! ' ..':,'- ■ '•- —Mr Gfeorge Howard, the new manager of the Star, has entered hymenal bonds with Miss Annie Jackman, of Auckland. They spent their honeymoon in Europe (Oropi.)* ■ . " ; . . • — Somo inquisitive individuals want to know if the advertisement of Bennett's Star Hotel, which has appeared in the Observer for some time, is symbolical of the distress of Mr B.s creditors. — They have a mean man in Katikati. A poor woman, who supplied him with milk for several months, presented her bill. He objected to the amount chalked down— 4d per quart— as extortionate. After some haggling the woman said that she'd sooner give it Mm for nothing than reduce the price. He took her at her word, and now meets her importunities with the remark that she said he Could have it gratis. •— A certain -gentleman, whose name has frequently appeared • in these columns, has joined the temperance body. He will find it much bettor, both for Ms bodily health and his business connections that he has done so. The eccentric conduct which has brought ridicule upon him, has been principally caused by the malign influence of whiskey. I believe he possesses good qualities, and now that he has cried peccavi and purposes amendment, I will-leave him alone. — The phlegmatic suburb of G-reerton has, at last, thrown off its lethargy and commenced to advance with the times. The residents are agitating for a church. Mr Griffin has built a nice cottage and removed to it, Captain Johnson is building, and Mr Edgcumbe intends to build.- With- this infusion of new blood the place ought to go ahead. By the-bye, if E. M. E.s object is to escape the " Madden'd Crowd," he makes a mistake in going to the Gate Pah. The " Madden Crowd" has been settled in the neighbourhood for some time. — A Maori went into the " Doctor's" the other day, and, after using a few superlative adjectives, asked him if he wanted to fight. The obliging " Doctor" said he didn't mind if he did, and picking up a good thick stick " went for" the pugilistic native. The poor unsophisticated savage remarked that that wasn't the style of fighting they indulged in where he was raised, and evacuated the premises. On reaching the street, he examined his wounds, spoke all the English he knew, and was arrested for using obscene language. — A man burst into my sanctum the other day and gasped out, " did you hear it ? It's truly awful. There's Parson Jordan has been . an' gone an' married one man to another! Disgraceful." "Who, what, what man?" "Why, Goo. Howard's married Jack, man !" There was an awe-inspiring shriek as that man was seen to rush out of the office, his movements accelerated by the erratic evolutions of my pet bull-dog, while the sun was obscured by a shower of l-nlera, ink bottles, and things. Howard it is to be pestered by such villains. — " The ruling passion strong in death." A well-known settlor here, who has impoverished himself by the process of " making it hot" for all and stin'dry, was recently lying drunk under a horse's feet, in imminent danger of losing his life. Someone, seeing his predicament, ran up and placed him in safety> at the same time saying, " I thought you were done for Davy ; another minute and you'd have been a dead man." " Dhave made sbum one shutter fort if 'ad," promptly spluttered the inebriate, to the astonishment of his rescuer. — Several ladies and gentlemen have been holding a camp meeting on Monganui. It was not connected with any religious revival, but solely with the revival of health and spirits. They have derived much benefit from the sea bathing indulged in. One of their tents was burnt to the ground during their sojourn on the breezy Mount. It was uninsured, and the loss has not yet been estimated. The fire brigade were not notified of the catastrophe, else doubtless they would have been promptly on the spot, in time, at least, to have saved the inmates, who were constrained to escape without their assistance. — After all, the Regatta went off well. A great many people were in town, but not so many as would have witnessed it, had it been held on the 17th. The harbour was, as it usually is, smooth, with a good northerly breeze blowing. Yates' mishap in the amateur outrigger race was deplored; everyone wanted to see this race rowed out. The Imp showed to advantag-e, but the Terror sadly disappointed Taiirangaites. I believe she was not in good trim. During the day, the Ti?nes reporter had several unseemly altercations with the judge (Captain McMillan.) The pressman, I believe, was in the wrong, but I could not get at all the facts. Captain McMillan says that the reporter grossly insultedhim, and only the fear that he coxildn't swim prevented him from throwing him overboard. There was a ball in the evening, which, however, does not call for special notice. The Hobson band was appreciated. — An American paper, writing on the absurd squeamishness of some people, instances the case of a Colifornian lady who has lately returned from Europe, bringing with her a whole ship-load of novelties. Amongst other things, she had introduced, as she informed a female friend, " a real hightoned driver's suit for Charles (her coachman), a cinnamon coat, with real gold buttons, and a stove-pipe hat with a— ahem ! — well, dear, with a roosterade on it. But that's not more niirth inspiring than the following :.— One of Tauranga's fair maidens, a gushing damsel of 18 summers, was recently presented by an admirer with a cockatoo, and in anvriaemg the fact to her family, the following dialogue tools; place : — Young lady : I've been given such a duck of a bird. Oh, you couldn't think, it's such a beauty." The family : "What sort of bird dear ?" Young lady : " It's a, it's a — oh dear, what ever shall I call it— it's a — a roosteratoo I" — We've had a terrible accident here. Yes, it wa s a terrible accident. The Wellington took it into her head to rest a few hours at the Mount on Tuesday morning, and sent her passengers up to the Victoria wharf in the boats. While one of the boats was emptying its load upon the wharf steps, the small stage gave way and precipitated two ladies, and about six gentlemen into the briny deep. Fortunately, it was day time, so no lives were lost. One of the young ladies, on being rescued, remarked that this was a nice (she probably meant an icey) way to receive her on her return. An old gentleman who clung tenaciously to his portmanteau, cried, " Leave me here to dig, but save, oh ! save my bag." Mr Dundass (the victims apostrophised him as D d ass), the contractor had kindly inserted, free of all. extra charge, a kauri instead of a totara joist, into the composition of the staging, and this joist, having been thoroughly bored by that industrious little insect, thc.toredo, gave way, and'eaused the slight commotion above described. N.B.— lt was well that no lives were lost, as one of the unfortunates assured me that, had he been drowned, he would certainly have mulcted the company in heavy damages. ; — The following was picked up on Monday last in Queen-street. It is of such importance, not only to the person to whom it is addressed, but also to the whole of the Auckland public, that we gladly give insertion to it in our widelyread columns : — "James and Annie, — Don'tforget your promise at the olde Englishe 3?ayre on Monday. I will be at the boat early. Bring your sisters, your cousins, and your — No, you needn't ; Aunt Sally will meet us on the ground. I inquired the price ; it is only Is 6d, and that will include return passages by the steamer.— Yours, JSTeI/IiIE."