The Obserber

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 78, 11 March 1882, Page 402

The Obserber.

Satubday, Mabbh 11th, 1882,

The embroglio at St. Thomas' is likely to prove as exciting and historically famous as the celebrated " Battle of the Bell " in Paisley, or the " Batrachomyomachia "of Homer. In the former case the question in dispute was whether the right of ordering the ringing 'of the church bell was Tested in the local magistrate or the clergyman, while in the latter the contest lay between the frogs and the mice. On Sunday last the indomitable Cornish and his coadjutors held two open-air services for a congregation consisting, for the most part, of women and children. When the ladies of St. Thomas' have got their backs up, there was every probability that the struggle would be prolonged a outrance. The congregation appear to have all the martyr -like determination of the Covenanters. Here is a splendid opening for any stray evangelist on the look-out for the materials for a new sect. All the elements of success are ready to his hand. Persecution — or a grievance which is the next best thing — is the one thing needful in starting a new sect. Someone has suggested that a good name for the " lock-outs " of St. Thomas' would be "The Open-airians." The spectacle of Mr Cornish holding forth under the grateful shade of a big gingham umbrella, extended over his head by a lady, was affecting in the extreme. It forcibly recalled the picture of the Emperor of the Sun, Moon, and Stars, the Lord of the White Elephant, and the Mighty Sultan of the Big Umbrella. The lessons of the day, the hymns, and the pithy and pointed discourse delivered by Mr Cornish, bore internal evidence of having been carefully selected .with a view to effect, and some of the allusions were more suggestive than complimentary.

Dick Thatcher used to tell a funny story about a band contest, of which it is believed he was the hero. There was a grand review of the. Victorian Volunteers, at which all the bands of the various corps paraded. Among the crowd of spectators was a young man who belonged to the distinguished ranks of the unemployed. Though his exchequer was exhausted, he had an unlimited fund of versatility. With the daring of a man who had nothing to lose, he launched into a bold speculation. He went andg, hired a pad» dock, selected from among the crowd of on* lookers a number of gatekeepers and assistants, borrowed a big satchel, and, seizing a favourable opportunity, entered into negotiations with the bands. At the conclusion of the review the vast concourse, of, spectators jvrere surprised to see the whole of the bands unSte/and, playing a grand march, proceed to the paddock. The crowd followed, and ■ the bands stopped playing as they filed into tho enclosure. Tften a man with a big bell went round _ announcing that there was to be

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a great band contest, and that the admittance to the paddock would be one shilling. Slowly the people paid their shillings. At first they were shy of the affair, but just when the speculator began to lose hope and to prepare for flight, taking with him the bag of money, the first band struck up, and there was a rush for the paddock. Thousands of people paid their shillings, the affair was a great success, and the erstwhile penniless speculator cleared a handsome sum after paying all expenses and prize-money. I «*. • Tawhiao has snubbed the great Bryce. The sable monarch declines to meet the conqueror of Parihaka until the meeting of the tribes at Whatiwhatihoe. Te Whiti similarly snubbed Mr Bryce, and is now doing penance for his contumacy in durance vile. Tawhiao had better walk circumspectly. That armoury would make an excellent prison. -$> How very solicitous people are everywhere to sacrifice themselves for the welfare of the public ! The new Licensing Act has ' been a perfect god-send to numbers who were panting, as it were, for a chance of coming nobly forward in the interests of their fellow men. Some observant folks say that personal vanity operates quite as powerfully as any other motive with certain candidates. However this may be, it is no doubt true that many aspirants to the supposed honour are not remarkable for acute perceptive powers, or general intelligence. There are a few, at all events, whose amount of common sense or reasoning ability would be simply and concisely comprised in their capacity to say " yes " or "no " to an applicant for a license, without any reference to the reasons for or against it as their prejudice (called by them conscience) may influence them. The North Shore has been distinguishing itself (amongst other tilings) in the matter of licensing committee business. The other evening a meeting was convened by private circular to which about sixty residents of " our marine suburb " were invited. The amiable and highlyrespected candidate who summoned the faithful to their duty, committed one fatal error. He quite forgot that the large number of ratepayers who were not invited, and who had quite as deep an interest in the question as the favoured invitees, would naturally resent the implied slight. He acted no doubt with the best intentions, but without due thought and consideration. However the " proceedings," such as they were, continued to the bitter end. Those present were asked to nominate certain individuals as candidates. This was done, and then the meeting was further asked to ballot for three names out of the eight which were submitted. Several persons in the room protested against this course as ridiculous, in view of the fact that the meeting did not represent the majority of the ratepayers, who had, of course, no chance of being there. Now what was the result ? — very many in the room did not vote, feeling, as they did, the absurdity of the whole proceedings. The correctness of their view was proved by the fact that of the three persons selected by the socalled ballot, one subsequently declined to stand, and another would not pledge himself to move with the " ticket." 4> The amusing element was not wanting, indeed it was rather predominant than other wise. A distinguished house decorator — painter and glazier, in common advertising parlance — having risen to " address the chair" about seven times, was finally successful in irritating the convener and chairman combined, who said quietly, and in a most suave, gentlemanly manner, "Mr H., you have no business here — you were not invited." The convener and chairman (combined) scored a point there, because, of course, the irrepressible painter and glazier had no right to be present, and it was in fearfully bad (not to say vulgar) taste for him. to intrude himself into the meeting at all, uninvited. Then there was the prim, precise old gentleman who, knocks his "h's" about so recklessly, and whose principal passion in life is to attend public meetings and move "amendments," or "votes of thanks," or something or other — anything so long as his name appears in some newspaper. He rises solemnly and says — "Mr cheerman and gentlemen, I 'aye to propose a rider to that motion, which it runs as f oilers. Hif it is lost, I shall move it as a' substantial resolution." Of course the precise though c h '-slinging little — ■ — must have had some near perception of the term substantial resolution ; but anyhow, what's in a name, or a term, or an expression? The solemnity of his face as he rises to perform his "duty to the public" amply compensates the lovers of comedy for any shortcomings in aspirates or anything else. A very sad incident occurred in connection with the nomination business. One of the bonnie " three " — a ratepayer whose noble-xninded behaviour and unquestioned authority are only equalled by his deftness in the preparation of disinfectants and unrivalled worm-powders — arrived at the place of nomination too late to put in his paper. The obliging and courteous Mr Seaman (substitute returning officer) was reluctantly obliged to intimate that fact to Mr ; whereupon the much, chagrined candidate retired to Ms sea-side home, murmuring the following lines, suggested by Tennyson's poem "Too Late " .— Too late ! too late ! it makes me feel quite ill ; Say, Seaman dear, may I not venture still ? Too late ! too lato ! You cannot enter now. Was I not told, and this I now repeat, That you at noon the candidates would meet ? Too late ! too late ! You cannot enter now. No sense had I — of that T now repent — And, pitying me, you surely will consent ? No, no ! too late ! ' . - „ .. You're nicely.sold, I vow.t — : -<£ There is a story of a German who, when the Emperor was passing through the village, and the people were offering presents to the monarch, paraded a sc^e of sons as" the best tribute at his disposal. We can understand this in a country

like Germany where every second man is a. soldier. Probably the Emperor was so delighted with the peasant's offer that he immediately gave each of the sons a big German sausage and a dish of saurkraut, and invested them with the exalted rank of full privates in the Landwehr, that they were all killed off soon afterwards, and that everybody was made happy. We have no army to speak of in this country, and the only war we have had for some time past was the campaign at Parihaka, and the only gore that was shed that of innocent pigs and turkeys. There is no saying, however, what may happen so long as we have such a military genius for (our War Minister as the Hon. John Bryce, and therefore it is wise to" prepare for any emergency. It must be reassuring to peaceful citizens to notice how prolific is our population. For instance the other day at Greytown a woman presented her liege lord with his sixteenth olive branch, and there is no saying how many more are to come. If there is any spare cash in the Treasury that woman ought to receive a substantial reward for her activity in increasing the population of the country. It would act as a powerful stimulus to others, and be far cheaper than maintaining immigration agents. We merely throw this out as a suggestion. -,>_ A brutal and disgusting scene was exhibited in a certain auction room in Queen-street the other day. A ruffian, whose name, fortunately for himself, we were unable to ascertain, deliberately proceeded to pluck the feathers from a. live fowl, while an equally unfeeling crowd of men, who watched the spectacle, were excited to laughter by the cries of the tortured victim. There was no sign of a policeman anywhere in the immediate neighbourhood. The Rotorua land sale will help to kill the future gains of the New Zealand land-sharks. The enormous prices realised for the land of the Eofcorua sections will convince the Maori people of the expediency of not selling any more land, and it is impossible to forecast what effect this sale may have in retarding or facilitating the sale of Maori lands. The natives are too shrewd a race to sell their lands for a mess of pottage, when they can obtain a handsomer income by leasing their estate, instead of disposing of the freehold. The Dunedin editors are amusing themselves at the game of Ministry -making. Here is the latest " k'rect card" : — Mr Macandrew, Premier and Commissioner of Customs ; Mr Montgomery, Colonial Secretary and Minister of Justice and Education ; Mr Ballance, Colonial Treasui'er and Minister of Native Affairs ; Mr Vincent Pykc, Minister of Lands and Mines ; Mr E. G. Wright, Minister of Public Works ; Mr Buckley or Mr Wilson, Attorncy-G-eneral. There still remains one portfolio apparently not yet allotted ; but anybody will do for Postmaster-General, and this, we would suggest, might be raffled for by the exwhips. We might say to the country, with Claude Melnotte, " Dost like the picture ?" . —^ Wellington is the hub of the universe. Its inhabitants remind one of the people visited by Gulliver, and who imagined that the whole universe revolved about their little spot of earth. There is a sect in India who pass years of their lives in meditation, absorbed in the contemplation of their own souls, to the utter exclusion of all outward objects. Similarly the attention of the people of Wellington is directed inwards upon their " central position," and they rarely look abroad except in the hope of attracting something to the supposed centre of gravitation. They got the seat of Government, wanted a central penal establishment, coaling dep6t, Appeal Court, and a thousand-and-one other things. Now, forsooth, they demand that Wellington shall be the seat of a New Zealand university, Auckland being left out in the cold. They also want the Government to establish a great depot for all requirements of the various departments and branches of the public service, so that Wellington merchants and manufacturers may rob the industries in other parts of the colony, and the j)lace may be aggrandised at the cost of the whole people. There is only one other thing they should ask for — that Wellington should be made the Mecca of New Zealand. A pilgrimage to that bleak and inhospitable climate would be ample penance for the most heinous of sins, if it did not at the same time kill off. the sinners. | : i The Hindoos have a tradition that a dwarf called Agastya once drank the sea dry. The New Zealand monster eschews water, but exhibits an insatiable voracity for land. We do not see how any one can blame him. The majority of those who are loudest in denouncing the " land-shark " at public meetings, would be glad to nobble a big slice of territory for themselves if they could see their way. A capitalist has a perfect right, so long as the law of the land permits it, to invest his money in the purchase of land, as in any other commodity. The fault is in the existence of any law which allows private individuals to unduly monopolise the public estate. For example, there is Patetere, and Whaiti, and Kurunui, comprising some 220,000 acres. This enormous territory, seven times as large as the County of Eden, and comprising an area as great as several English counties, has been acquired by a comparative handful of speculators. For 75,000 acres they paid 15s an acre, and for the remainder 12s, the whole 220,000 acres thus costing £143,250. This includes the entire cost of negotiations, survey, and completion of title. A few months after the land has been passed through the Native Land Court, it is sold for £330,000 to an English company. Deducting from this sum half-a-crown per acre, paid to Mr Halcombe and other agents in London, the speculators ..derive . a clear profit of £151,250, in other words they more than double the money invested. The Government abandoned the Patetere purchase on the ostensible plea that the necessary funds were not available to complete it, but, as alleged by their opponents, and apparently on good grounds, to help their friends and political supporters. But granting that the excuse put

forward by the Government was the real ground | of their withdrawal from the purchase, the result proves that they were singularly lacking in judgment and enterprise. No one can deny that they were in a far better position than a few speculators to acquire the land and to dispose of it in London, and on more advantageous terms to the colony, if an equally profitable market could uot be found in the colony. If Major Atkinson could issue Treasury bills to a practically unlimited amount for purposes of ordinary finance, he would have found no difficulty in borrowing on the security of native land, where there was no difficulty as to title. New Zealand can give points to the Tammany Ring. - . 4^ When the amiable Wilkins Micawber had given his IOU for what he called a " pecimiary liability," the equanimity of his mind was immediately restored, and he was wont to regard the debt as, to all intents and purposes, "liquidated." He had then " recovered his moral dignity," and could " once more walk erect before his fellowmen." Between the Micawber of Dickens and his colonial prototype there are so many points of resemblance that we have no difficulty in recognising him. Some months ago a gentleman of means was waited upon by an acquaintance who was in similar distress of mind to the immortal Micawber when he was affected by " temporary embarrassment of a pecuniary nature." He wanted £20 to avert arrest and consignment to the debtors' prison at Mount Eden. The gentleman thus appealed to lent all the money he could spare at the moment — £9 13s. The borrower offered to give his IOU for the amount, when the lender remarked, " Wo, if you are an honourable man you will pay me without anything of that sort, and if not your IOU will be of no use." Some four or five months elapsed, and the debt remained unpaid. The borrower frequently met his creditor in the street, chatted pleasantly over the news of the day, mentioned little speculations in which he was engaged, but never referred to the obligation he had incurred. One day, however, the lender, who was about to leave the Colony, sent a telegram stating that, as he was informed the debtor Avas in straitened circumstances, he would not then demand the cash, but would be satisfied with a P.N. at three months for the £9 13s. By the next mail a letter came to hand enclosing a promissory note for £9, the lender being thus charged 13s for the mere privilege of lending his money ! It now only remains for the P.N. to be dishonoured to complete the parallel between the two types of Micawber. The House of Lords can hardly be expected to take kindly to the Irish Land Act. Pour hundred and two of the peers own in the United Kingdom 14,129,931 acres of land, yielding an annual rental of £11,679,839. The prelates are not included in this list. The peers who own over 100,000 acres are as follow : — ; Owner. Acres. Eental. t Argyle 175,114 ... £50,803 Athol 194,640 ... 40,758 . Breaclalbaue ... 372,729 ... 49,931 Buccleugh 459,260 ... 230,401 Bute 116,658 ... 233,933 Cawclor 101,657 ... 44,654 Cle-eland 102,774 ... 91,781 Couynglmin 173,314 ... 50,822 Dalhousie 138,021 ... 58,604 Devonshire 193,381 ... 172,099 Downshire 322,995 ... 99,749 ! Fife 257,652 ... 78,041 Pitzwilliam 113,963 ... 135,229 Hamilton 157,381. ... 140,526 Kenuiare 105,359 ... 26,951 Lansdowne 135,517 ... 53.465 Leconfield 110,720 ... 88,484 Lovat 161,574 ... 28,148 Middleton 106,462 ... 58,887 Montrose 103,760 ... 23,069 Northumberland ... 185,575 ... 168,823 Portland 161,664 ... 140,141 Seafield 305,891 ... 71,885 Sliso 122,902 ... 16,018 Waterford 109,234 ... 50,6*2 Sutherland 205,5i6 ... 129,125 These twenty-six persons hold, in round numbers, 5,480,000- acres, yielding a rental of £2,339,000. They have in their gift 209 church livings, and many of them draw pensions from the Crown. There are only two members of the House of Commons who own estates over 100,000 acres. They are Mr Donald Cameron, member for Invernesshire, with 121,574 acres, £10,292 rental; and M. A. Matthieson, member for Ross, 220,433 acres, with a rental of £20,246. There are peers, however, who have comparatively small holdings, and yet have large rentals from land. For instance, Marquis of Anglesey, 25,506 acres, £107,363 rental ; Earl Derby, 63,834, £170,268 ; Lord Gerard, 7,107, £43,762; Lord Haldon, 10,109, £109,275 ; and Duke of Norfolk, 43,868, £269,365. The list could be extended to a greater length, showing even higher acreages and j rentals. The Lords, as a whole, have in their gift 4956 church livings, of -which, the Lord J Chancellor has the dispensation of 651, valued at £202,863 annual income. They receive in pay, pensions and annuities annually £494,761 8s 3d, l of which the prelate take £146,200. There were 31 members last year holding office under the present administration, and 64 who have been connected with those preceding. Two hundred and eighty-eight peers have been created this century— Bs between 1750 and 1800, 41 between 1700 and 1750 ; 62 in the 17th century, 20 in the 16th, 13 in the 15th, 5 in the 14th, and 5 in the 13th. Disraeli's declaration that a Norman baron after the "wars of the roses " was as rare a phenomenon in England as a wolf, had truth as well as terseness for its recommendation. ♦- The cloven foot of what Herbert Spencer calls " the educational bias " peeped out unmistakably in the University Senate during the discussion on the Chancellor's report. It seemed to Mm, as he ! stated in that precious document, and reiterated at a subsequent stage, that the Senate had desired "to discourage the pursuit of the university course merely in the intervals of- other avocations," and, again, that the Senate "had not thought it desirable to give encouragement to studies prosecuted -in hours, out .of business, by persons who arc actively engaged, in active pursuits." There is a bluntness aboiit this declaration that borders on the brutal. Mr Tancx-ed, and those who think with him, have allowed their mental vision to become so distorted by class bias that they almost regard university education as the peculiar privilege of the rich, the so-called

governing classes of the colony. Sir Maurice O'Eorke hit the right nail on the head when he. said "It appears to me that the great testperhaps the only test— of this education is the /. examination." If, as the Chancellor contends, he is rightly interpreting the opinion of the Senate;; in the extraordinary dictum he lias laid down, / the sooner we have a change the better. It is ■' not the mind of the Senate alone that : ought -toj( be the criterion in. the administration of the I University, but the conditions : of the. charter and the *Act. It would be a bad day for the ; colony if University honours were confined to the?' rich, who are not the most intellectual in a|.,, nation. The great and distinguished in science,! art, and literature in the world have sprung fromf^v the middle— many from the humblest classes.frf If it were otherwise we might not have such dis-'r | tinguished Chancellors as Mr Tancred, or such- J learned senators as Professors Shand and Sale.. Grarfield was not a rich man, nor was Eliliu Burritt, Huxley, Tyndal, and £>• host of others : among the foremost men of the age. ,$, • _ "..: "Some people think me a ht\n! rew." *;ty* ■-■; Mr Bryce. Well, rather. If anyone can discover jj a tougher skinflint south of thei line we should ; : like to see him trotted out.' The spectacle of a _ " , Minister of the Crown haggling over the proposed exchange for that eyesore of an armoury with all ; the tenacity of Gfeorge Staines over a second- ■■ hand wheelbarrow, and terminating the negotia- . tions in a " j>et " when he could not have "his own . way, was a sight for gods and men. Perhaps we ought to apologise to Mr Staines for the compar- : ision. Mr Bryce has evidently missed his vocation. ■■-• He ought to have devoted his talents to pawn-" •■ broking, and he might even now make a good ;| start by selling the " unredeemed pledges "of his '■• colleagues. When Mr Bryce was a full private in the Wanganui Cavalry many years ago he lost a common canvass haversack — worth about sixpence. The loss of that valuable article of outfit preyed on his mind. He instituted a rigorous search amongst his comrades, traced it to the' 1 possession of a man in his own troop, and then waited on the commanding officer and demanded ' an immediate court-martial on the offender, who had taken the article by mistake, all the haversacks being of one pattern. It is hardly necessary to say that the request was not acceded to. Tsof'f ' doubt, if Mr Bryce could have his own sweet will . . he would hold a drum-head court-martial on tho > members of the City Council and the editors of > .: the newspapers and consign them like Te Whiti and,: ': Titokowaru to the armoury, like another Bastilc. . . Mr Bryce would be an invaluable man in Russia, . and we could spare him. _. -_.-- -♦■ The Volunteer system, as at present administered ■ in this Colony, is a monstrous sham. The corps^jj are little better than mere Shooting Clubs, theß 'discipline is lax and inefficient, and most of theH force exists only on paper. At some of thgM parades there have been almost as many officersW as rank and file, and anything like effective drillM has been impossible. The total number of Volun jH teers in the Colony (exclusive of cadets) on th<SJ 30th April last, was 7,133, and the strength' oiH the Armed Constabulary before the" famous raidH on Parihaka was 664:, but the force was -afte^B wards increased by recruiting to about 1000. frfl round numbers these two forces, exclusive of thej local Police, may be estimated at about 8000 M The estimates for the financial year 1881-2 shewM that the expenditure was as follows : — MilitiaH and Volunteers, £30,000 ; Armed Constabulary, ■ exclusive of Police, £136,335; Miscellaneous.™ £11,400 ; Contingent defence, £40,000. In ad^fl clition to this a further sum of £100,000 wasM voted for Contingent Defence on the supple-^ mentary estimates, making a total of £307,778 1 expended on the Armed Constabulary and Volun- " teers. The money might as well be thrown- into j the sea. Two-thirds of it is absolutely wasted; ;■? When the Imperial Government cast upon the -.A Colony the responsibility for native affairs, ip '^ offered to lend its troops to the Colony at £40 per v man per year, so that for the sum now spent on .. a badly disciplined, inefficiently organised, - a^J-s^ ineffective force the Colony could have maintained a well drilled army of 7,000 troops, including^ a proper complement of Artillery,' Engineers, Conimissariat, Transport, Hospital Corps, an* General's Staff. The other colonies find by ex**\ perienee that a small permanent force is tho- f roughly efficient, and more readily mobilised than L a number of detached Volunteer Corps, and New I Zealand will, we feel confident, presently arriyo^ at the same conclusion. -'' I •*• "'"v-fj This is the age of regicide, or shall we call ivß regismania. Every idiot who cannot take care *J of his own life thinks himself fit to kill a king. 1 Learned men who delight in high sounding names J call the disease that afflicts broken-down minds . I " progressive locomoter ataxy." More simple .' minded folk think that the devil has a hand in '; ; the business, and that he oiight to be chained up. L The desperate wretch who imagines that the Sovereign is the embodiment of those social in- ,"■ equalities that leave him behind in the struggle /-■ for existence, is s the outcome of ignorance and distorted views. The difficulty in such a ease;-| ; is to draw the line between hardened wickednesyjjj and irresponsible insanity. G-uiteau belondd^H to the former category, and McLean who attemp^^H to shoot Her Majesty the Queen the other <fiH may be found to belong to the latter. " MHH prisoner has an irresistible tendency to homicidal fl mania," said a counsel who was defending afl prisoner. "And the law of England." remarkedjß the learned judge, "has an equally irresie-H table tendency to hang such . men." TheH humane tendencies of later years have relaxedH that stern law which regards all attacks on theH person of the sovereign as treason, punishablJH with death. The Prince Consort was strongl^M averse to the infliction of capital punishme^Aaß lunatic regicides, and the well-known h^SH^H character of our beloved Queen may i§ay,e^BO^^^B from the gallows. The great want of^^p^^H some more degrading and"gi?ectual deterrenS|^H regismania than the hangman's rope.-X.JTh^^^H and bread and wfiftr have been trieftjljnta^HH partial success. ~'3±creisa new field for'-fnveß^Hl

The lay of the landsharfc, " This is my QwJ^^B native laud." ~*'..V,- ? '*^^H