PASTIME PARODIES.

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 78, 11 March 1882, Page 410

PASTIME PARODIES.

THE BARMAID. [With apologies to Mr Tennyson's "Mermaid."]

I would be a barmaid fair, I would spoon and ogle the whole of the day, With a comb of pearl I would comb my hair, And still as I combed I would sing and say, — Who is it loves me ? Who loves not me ? I would bang my hair till my locks would fall Low adown, low adown. From under my eyelids glances dart Eight and left, and around. And I would, rake the shillings and gold Into the till With a jingling soiind, And grace and skill, And a sniile for all, Till the swells would come by night and by day, And ogle and sigh, the young and the old Bound the bar where I stood, and spend their gold, And make sheep's eyes of love to me, And give me presents of jewelleree, And feel a kind of exstacy In their silly hearts for the love of me.

But at night, like the butterfly, I would range, I would fling on each side a tender look, And squeeze their hands while giving the change, Till on me they got decidedly " shook," And came to see me each day in the week With their silly talk and their simpering laugh, And stupid attempts to be witty and chaff. But if any got bold, I would give them cheek, And bid them mind what they were about, Or I'd call the boss up to kick them out. For I would not be kissed by all who would list Of the fellows who smelt of beer or P.B. They should sue me, and woo me, and flatter me, But none of them come within that o' me. But the chap that I think would carry me, Woo me, and win me, and marry me Would need to have " sugar " or propertee, And all the girls would jealous be Admiring my dresses and jewelleree, And servants would have to attend on me, And I'd mix- in tip-top societee. AUTOMATHES.

Who would be A barmaid fair ? Dressing so grand, Banging her hair, Happy and gay In a gilded bar, Spooning all day With the chaps.