QUEER STORIES.

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 78, 11 March 1882, Page 408

QUEER STORIES.

THE BIGAMIST.

AN AUCKLAND ROMANCE

By " Atjxomathes."

CHAPTER I

The following queer story is founded upon an occurrence that took place some years ago in Auckland, and which excited considerable sensation in the circles where the facts were known, though, for reasons that will hereinafter be obvious to the reader, every attempt was made to hush up the scandal by the families immediately concerned. In order to save the feelings of the parties, and to prevent the possibility of identification, we use fictitious names, and in other respects disguise the real facts. Some years ago there dwelt in, let us say Parnell, a highly respectable family named Pinkie. They lived in a handsome house in a fashionable part of the suburb, kept a buggy, gave occasional parties, were much courted in musical circles, and generally moved in the cream of Colonial society, which corresponds with the respectable tradespeople in England. It is said that " comparisons are odious," and I fear that some of my readers will feel anything but flattered by the above, but I believe it possesses the merit' of being true. We have, fortunately — or unfortunately — no aristocracy as yet in these Colonies. It takes more than one generation to make an aristocrat, with all the advantages of wealth, intellect, education, refinement, and social elevation. We are as yet only laying the foundations of a Colonial aristocracy. Some descendants of the great landowners will be the future aristocrats, if the levelling tendencies of the age do not render such a thing impossible. In the great majority of cases, however, the vast wealth originally amassed by so much labour and sordid money-grubbing will be dissipated by some spendthrift heir, or distributed by a" process of disintegration brought about by the abolition of the laws of entail and primogeniture, and by a more equitable distribution of the burdens of taxation, by which property will be taxed upon a graduated scale, and wealth will be made to contribute to taxation according to the degree of protection it receives from the State and the benefits it derives from the public expenditure. The head of the Pinkie family carried on an extensive business in the city, had tho reputation of honourable probity in his commercial dealings (which is saying a great deal) , and was generally looked upon as a very " warm, man." He had made some lucky speculations in land, lent considerable sums of money on mortgages, and could at any time command a few thousands of pounds. He was a member of one or two local committees, as well as a churchwarden, and his name always appeared near the top of the list in any public requisition or subscription. Had he been ambitious of political honours, he might have secured a seat in Parliament or on the City Board, and probably in course of time might have aspired to the exalted dignity of the civic chair. But his heart was in his business, and early and late he might be seen bustling about in his warehouse, or bending over his big ledger. His speeches, when he presided or spoke at meetings, or rose to propose a toast at public dinners, were always carefully taken down by the reporters, and one of the papers, in which he was a large advertiser, had actually published a lengthy biography of Didymus Pinkie, Esq., said memoir being mysteriously silent as to his early life, and taking as its main starting point his advent to New Zealand from Tasmania. His earlier career was briefly summarised in the statement that he was the son of a respectable tradesmen in London, and received an excellent education at a public school ; at the age of twenty was recommended to emigrate to the Colonies, and obtained a position under the Imperial Government. The memoir was prudently silent as to his being the son of a shoemaker, of his being educated at a charity school, that the recommendation to emigrate came from a Judge and jury, and that the position under the Government was as a member of a chain-gang. Mrs Jemima Pinkie, his second wife, was a decidedly superior sort of person. She could play the piano, do fancy needlework, make jams and pickles, speak French, and was an acknoAvledged authority on etiquette and. the usages of polite society. ' She had been Pinkie's housekeeper after the death of his first wife, and had so won her way into his bereaved heart as to become a necessity to his existence. She was a member of two or three ladies' societies, a regular attendant at church, a patron of the "Washermen's and Charwomen's Pateat Steam-Iron and Christmas Goose Society," and always presided with " her usual grace," as the newspapers said, at a tray at the annual soiree. By years of careful coaching she had corrected and softened down the little solecisms in Pinkie's grammar, and so brushed up his manner and tout ensemble as to enable him to bear himself with a show of dignity in the set in which they mixed. Whenever Pinkie was in an amiable mood, and was not put out by milliners' bills or any of the other little penalties which are inseparable from an elevated social position, he was wont to confess that his " missus " was " one in a thousand." Miss G-eorgina Pinkie, his only daughter by his first wife, was just emerging from her teens. Her educational accomplishments and training had been the peculiar care of Mrs Pinkie. She had graduated at a young ladies' seminary of irreproachable respectability with the Joneses, the Binkses, and the Podgers, and had bloomed and blossomed in fashionable society at a very early age, like some rare exotic flower from a summerhouse. She was as much superior to Mrs Pinkie, as the latter was to the head of the family. She was a skilful dancer and rinkist, spoke a little French and less German, could draw primitive sketches like those discovered on the walls of Pompeii, paint sickly-looking water-colours, do stiff and formal fancy wool-work, make flimsy smoking-caps and slippers for the church bazaars, and perform marvellously brilliant flourishes on the piano. Of such, plebeian arts as the making a pudding or darning a stocking she was profoundly ignorant, and she Hated and abhorred "the shop," as she called her pa's warehouse.

She bad actually made the grand tour of Melbourne and Waiwera, and some progress in flirting ; but as yet her young heart was unscathed by Cupid's darfcs, beyond a slight scratch, when, at the age of fifteen, she conceived a violent passion for Mr Briggs, Pinkie's junior clerk, who had promptly been clothed in the garment called the sack when that young gentleman was reported to have danced with Miss Pinkie six times in the course of a ball, and sat next to her at . supper, to the intense disgust of Mr Giles Slycroft, the head clerk and confidential man of business. It was generally understood that " old Pinkie," as he was called among his friends, would give her a nice " dot " whenever a suitable match could be found ; but Mrs Pinkie was looking forward to the happy time when Pinkie could retire from business, make the "grand tour " of Europe, and seek among the scions of the nobility a fitter husband for Miss Georgina than among the young men of Auckland. Giles Slycroft was a steady, hard-working man of about thirty-five, a church warden, Sundayschool teacher, and prominent member of the Young Men's Christian Association. He was distinguished for his strict propriety of conduct and deportment. He denounced sweeps and billiards, never attended theatres or nigger entertainments, eschewed tobacco and alcohol, lodged with a decayed religious widow lady ot 60, invested all his savings in loans at high rates of interest, and occasionally in safe, well-paying speculations. He was a general favourite with clergymen, and old ladies, gave readings at amateur entertainments in aid of the church funds, was secretary and treasurer to the vestry, a Bible society, and one or two other religious and charitable organizations, and was held up as model to all the fast young men. Mr Slycroft, moreover, was Pinkie's right-hand man, had all the details of the business at his finger's ends, was consulted in everything, treated with the fullest confidence, and it was understood to be a settled thing that he would shortly become a partner in the business. Some people whispered that Slycroft aspired to much nearer relations with Pinkie, and that though Mrs Pinkie was at present an obstacle to the realization of that hope, the " old man " did not view the idea with disfavour. Very little was known of Slycroft's history and antecedents, though it was generally given out that he was well-connected in England, but for some reason or other, which no one eared to inquire into, never communicated with his friends at home. He had turned up like hundreds of other men when Pinkie wanted a second clerk, had been selected out of nineteen or twenty applicants for the billet, won approval and an increase of salary by his industry, steadiness, and business abilities, and when the head clerk left stepped into his shoes. CHAPTER 11. Matters were proceeding in this way when a new turn was given to the course of events by the appearance on the scene of Mr John Tomp« kins, a "new-chum," by the ship Amsterdam. Tompkins was a young man of about three-and-twenty, a rather aristocratic type of countenance, a good figure, gentlemanly manners and exterior, and evidently well-educated. He was a good cricketer, a crack footballer, a graceful dancer, sang a capital song, played a good game of whist or billiards, and soon became a favourite with young men of his own age. Possessing some means of his own, he got introductions, and made the acquaintance of the Joneses, the Binkses, the Podgera, and the Pinkies. But it presently got whispered about that Tompkins was just a shade "fast." He had a taste for meerscham pipes, and pedigree dogs, frequented horseraces, theatres, and ungodly places of amusement, was suspected of a tendency to scepticism on some essential points of Christian doctrine, consumed "long sleevers," sometimes used naughty big D's when he thought no lady was within hearing, was very irregular in his attendance at church, took tickets in monster sweeps, occasionally slightly stammered in his speech, and mislaid his latchkey. In spite of all these drawbacks, however, young Tompkins was a favourite with the girls, and was angled for by several prudent dames, • who regarded him as an eligible parti should inquiries into his financial circumstances and '? prospects prove satisfactory. He was in request ( as an escort from the rinks, the opera, and a constant attendant at balls, archery meetings, and lawn tennis parties. For some months after his arrival he was a gentleman at large, fluttering about like a butterfly, basking in the approving smiles of mammas and the yet more encouraging smiles of their daughters, and was generally much envied and more hated by many less fortunate young men, particularly by Giles Slycroft. For among all his acquaintances the Pinkies were the people at whose house Tompkins was the most frequent and welcome visitor. By a judicious course of pumping Mrs Pinkies had discovered that he was the eldest son of a wealthy retired tea-merchant in England, was in receipt of an allowance of £500 a-year, with ex» pectations of a few thousands whenever it should please Tompkins, the elder, to go to another and better world, and had come to the colonies to benefit his health after some injuries received as a gentleman rider in a steeplechase, as well as with views of setting up in business on his own account with a capital to be advanced by his father, should the proposed undertaking meet with his approval. In the natural course of things, it happened that Young Tompkins and Miss Georgina Pinkie saw a good deal of each other, and became friends. Some philosopher has said somewhere that given juxtaposition between two young persons of the opposite sexes, and of average suitability of age, taste and temperament, and love follows by the ordinary laws of cause and effect. The case of; Tompkins and Georgina Pinkies shews that in this instance the philosopher had correctly gauged human nature. Tompkins fell head over ears in love with Georgina, and she reciprocated his passion. Tompkins seized a propitious opportunity one afternoon under the shade of a gum tree in the back yard, told his love in. moving accents, caught the whispered " yes" like the soft sighing of an Eolian harp, also caught G-eorgina in his arms, and as her auburn hair spread ovgv. his spotless shirt-front, -kissed her red ripe lips ariel the thing waa settled. . :

?• 'i ;-3?iieT did not go hand-in-hand in tbe orthodox - style of the novels, flop down before old Pinkie and ask his consent and blessing, but with that disinclination to reveal their new born happiness to the vulgar world which commonly mai'ks young lovers, secretly revelled in the extatic bliss of their mutual passion, and went on getting more and more hopelessly entangled in the fatal meshes of love.

To say that these fellings escaped the experienced matronly eye of Mrs Pinkie would be so obviously out of keeping with the traditional character of the sex, that my readers would see through the fraud at once. That astute and vigilant female had hot been blind to the inevitable tendency of affairs, nor slow to smooth the way to the culmination. In truth, young Tompkins had won his way to her good graces, and had dissipated the vision of the scions of nobility that had haunted her dreams of ambition. He had served an apprenticeship at a very early age in the art of conciliating elderly ladies by compulsory diplomatic relations with two maiden aunts who rewarded his skill with substantial proofs of his success. Consequently, he came armed for the encounter with Mrs Pinkie, and secured an easy conquest. But Mrs P. was a woman of tact and discrimination. It was not her purpose to permit matters to come to a climax until she had assured herself that the young man's story of his parentage and prospects were true, and with this object she was making diligent inquiries in order to stand on firm ground when the time should come to break the matter to Pinkie. She trusted to her womanly dexterity to hold the match in suspense like Mahomet's coffin until then, and so when she heard sounds resembling the drawing of champagne corks in the next room, when she occasionally broke in upon the tete-a-tetes of the lovers and observed them suddenly become absorbed in the contemplation of interesting objects at opposite points of the compass, when she noticed that O-eorgina's chignon had got disarranged, that there was a very long auburn hair in Tompkins' blonde whiskers, that their appetites were not so keen as might be expected after a very long walk, that Tompkms often heaved a sigh like a broken bellows, or saw any other of the numerous outward and visible signs and tokens of love's young dream, she maintained an air of unconcern and unsuspicion and kept her own cotinsel. And here, gentle reader — I call you gentle in deference to the time-honoured rules of novel writing, though, for aught I know, you may be a great hulking fellow thirsting for my innocent gore, as I have already exceeded the prescribed limits, I must conclude for the present with the prosaic (To he continued, in our next.)