The Obserber.

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 77, 4 March 1882, Page 386

The Obserber.

Saturday, Marbh 4th, 1882

Mr Rathbone left for America on Tuesday last in the mail steamer Zealandia, in search of health, and novelties for the Observer. Mr C. Williamson is appointed to act as agent for Mr Rathbone during his absence. Mr C. O. Montrose will still remain as responsible editor ; and Mr W. S. Pulford as business manager.

The large increase in our circulation during the past few weeks has made such serious inroads on our stock of tinted paper that we are obliged to print the issues for country circulation on white. We expect, however,' an early consignment of tinted paper, when the matter will be 1 remedied.

The telephone is not altogether an unmixed blessing. We have heard of some rather amusing misunderstandings that have occurred through its use, of which the following is a specimen : — The wife of a business man in Auckland is subject to occasional fits of jealousy, and keeps a sharp eye on her husband. The other day she had occasion to visit the office, which is fitted with a telephone apparatus. The husband happened to be out, and the lady took a seat and awaited his arrival. Suddenly someone signalled through the telephone. The lady, who had been instructed in the modus operandi of the instrument, answered the ring, and applied her ear to the telephone. " She's a perfect beauty — come and see her at two — I think she'll just suit you," came through the telephone. The green-eyed monster at once took possession of the lady's breast. She was about to inquire the name and residence of the minx, but her womanly wit at once suggested that her voice might be recognised ; and her husband would be warned of the discovery. When Mr came in he was not slow to observe by the familiar storm signals that a little domestic gale was coining on. He sat down and awaited the catastrophe. It was a tornado. When the lady paused for want of breath he calmly explained that his friend B. had been 1 commissioned to purchase a mare for him, and had merely asked him to inspect the purchase before the bargain was completed. Mrs remarked, sarcastically, that the story did more credit to his ingenuity than to his veracity, and departed with a determination to find out that abandoned female and give her a piece of her mind. Failing to obtain any clue to the woman's name and whereabouts at the telegraph office, Mrs now vows that the telegraphists are all in the disgraceful intrigue, and denounces the telephone as an immoral invention.

An amusing story is told at the expense of an upcountry contractor — a soft-hearted son .of the

<( ould sod." He is very partial to his countrymen, and particularly so to those hailing from his place — Tipperary. At the time of which we write our friend had a large swamp draining contract on his hands. One day a hard-up Tipperary man came on to the works, and, touching his hat, said to the boss : " Gj-ood day, sorr ; kin you give us a job ?" "Are ye a Tipperary man ?" queried the boss swamper, Hibernian-like, replying to one question by asking another. " That I am, sorr," readily asserted Paddy, and began to "talk Tipperary " with true Irish garrulity. • The contractor checked him with, " Hould on, me man, till wan ay thim fellows looks round," pointing to the ditchers, who were working like niggers. Presently a tall man, of the name of Mulligan, stopped for a minute to wipe his perspiring brow and moisten his hands with a little grateful saliva. He was just about to resume work, when the boss called out, " Mulligan, you lazy loafin' divil, come out of that trinch, an' here's yer wages." Mulligan sadly put on his coat, picked up his billy, and in five minutes the man from Tipperary was sturdily wielding the sacked one's spade. ■

During the last elections for the General Assembly a deputation waited upon a gentleman who is a prominent advocate of temperance views, and requested him to allow himself to be nominated for one of the city constituencies. He expressed his deep sense of the high compliment, &c, &c., but firmly declined to become a candidate for Parliamentary honours. Being pressed for his reasons, he said, " Well, gentlemen, to tell you the truth, I desire to reserve my strength for the election of the Licensing Bench." The deputation promised him their support and departed, but when he had put forth " all his strength " he was at the bottom of the poll !

The scandalous truck system still flourishes in some of the out districts where the corrective influence of the Press is rarely felt, and Avhat little public opinion exists is apathetic, or afraid to express itself. A poor man writes from one of the Waikato townships a letter which, throws some light on the system in vogue in the locality to which we' refer. On this precious contract employment is refused to Europeans, and the work is entirely done by natives, who spend the greatest part of their earnings in buying goods from the contractor's friends, Avho are probably, sub rosa, his partners also. A. few months ago one of the superiors was called over the coals by the Gfovernnient for trafficing with the native workmen, and eventually recalled, but no mention of the matter was made in the Press, and since then the system has again been in full swing. There are three stores within a few miles of the works, but- the native employes are practically prohibited from purchasing goods at them. Europeans are excluded from the works because they might interfere with the game, and the residents in the district naturally feel, sore that Government money should be so spent. Attention having been called to the subject, we trust the chief engineer of the district will institute inquiries with a view to putting a stop to the injustice.

Modern invention is going ahead with a vengance. One writer ventures to predict that in the, twentieth century chops and steaks will be cooked by electric sparks, so as to make the Frenchman's cotelette ala minute a reality. The fruits of the earth will be multiplied enormously by the use of electric light behind coloured glass. Fruits and vegetables will be grown all the year round, winter and summer, day and night, so that the field which now produces a hundred bushels of any product will yield ten thousand. Water will be distilled and prepared for human use, and thereby purified from all germs of disease, while air will not be breathed by human beings until it has been cleared of all noxious qualities, after which it will be admitted to the glass covered streets and dwellings in which the man of the future will live. Houses and places of business will be situated in immense enclosed edifices, the air of which will not only be rendered wholesome, but delightful to the sense of smell. Summer and Winter, so far as extreme cold or extreme heat is concerned, will be abolished, as the temperature can be controlled by artificial means, and all parts of the globe will become equally habitable. Day will have no attractions o.Yfiikaiight, for the artificial lights wilF be more pleasing than any which the great luminary of day can give us. Then, of course, the air will be navigated, which will help to change the appearance of the surface of the earth, for the great cities will then be situated on healthful hilltops, instead of on tlie insalubrious plains below. With the great motors shortly to be discovered, huge mountain chains which obstruct man's progress in any direction can be levelled, while the ice packs around the two poles can be iquefied and made navigable.

It was Dunois, and not Lenoir, who set out for Palestine, after making his orisons, etc. We give this correction to show our contributor where he was mistaken. Lenoir set out some time ago for Mount Albert, where he has " set out" any amount of hectares of vines, in imitation of his compatriots— MM. Longuet and Bayer. We hope next season to have the pleasure of tasting wine with the trois lons comfagnons.

A truly sad sight might have been witnessed in Parnell a few afternoons ago. On a common express cart was a roughly -made coffin wrapped in ■an old rug, and the mourners were four little boys ; the eldest could not have been more than : soven years of age. It forcibly recalled to our recollection the hackneyed lines of Thomas 'Hood on " The Pauper's Burial."

The great event during the -week at the North ■Shore is the commencement of the opposition ferry boat service, and of ■wonderment as to who are the promoters of this risky undertaking. A most unfortunate commencement of the new -service was made on Monday morning by the steamer, running out of coal and water. When iiiiQ quarter to nine boat should have started, she was unable to do 60, and consequently lost some

weekly subscribers. The inimitable Gfeorge Eobbins swears he will stick by the new venture and spend the " difference of 9s of fares saved weekly in dinners. So Canning will be benefited to that extent. Expectation is on the tiptoe that the directors of the old company will reduce their fares to those of the Tongariro, and the residents of, and visitors to, this charming marine suburb will have a fine time of it for some weeks to come ; for the directors are understood to be game birds for a long fight. May both of the contestants live long and prosj>er.

One of the most versatile men in the colonies is Mr Joseph Ivess. Educated by the Jesuits and trained in a newspaper office, Joseph appears to combine all the suave oiliness of the one with the enterprise and speculativeness of the other. He is as clever as he is fertile in expedients. He is never wholly happy unless he has half a dozen cases in the law-courts, and half a dozen newspapers running in different parts of the Colony. Joe has started more newspapers than any other living man. If he were shipwrecked on a barren rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, his first idea would be to start a new journal. . Moreover he is a philanthropist. He starts papers for the mere gratification of handing them over to someone else, and whenever they don't pay the stipulated rent Joe kindly steps in and takes the concern off the hands of hi 6 lessees. Among the myriad of other journals which owe their existence to Joe's creative genius is the Waihato Mail, but almost from the moment of its birth the literary offspring has shewn signs of a weak constitution. At a very early stage it nearly succumbed to an attack of measles, it was a prey to whooping cough, and suffered frightfully in teething. But whenever the doctors had given it up, Joe came to the rescue and by skilful nursing got it on its legs again. Now for the fourth or fifth time Joe has again applied the customary remedies, by taking his literary offspring out of the hands of its nurses. A telegram from Cambridge states that he has seized and removed the plant.

He tried the same game last May, when it was in the hands of a former nurse, and signally failed. The Mail was leased from Mr Ivess at £150 a year, equal to about two years' purchase of the whole concern — lock, stock and barrel. The lessee came to grief. He had not sufficient to run twelve months without collecting a cent, from the advertisers and subscribers, and made fifty per cent, bad debts. Joe found out how matters stood from a discharged employe of the lessee, and resolved, at any rate to protect his own interests. He disarmed the suspicions of the lessee by friendly telegrams, expressing a hope that they would be able to arrange for the continuation of the paj)er, but meantime slipped up to Auckland by the first steamer. One morning the lessee, who paid the rent of the premises in which the Mail was printed, found the door locked against him, and the office garrisoned by Joe's " confidential " and two others. The lessee promptly smashed one of the windows, stormed the building, got a dray, and removed his private property consisting of a bale of paper, and other goods to the value of about £'70. Joe was for once " euchred." When he came up by the next train he found that the spolia optima had been earned away.

We have good authority for contradicting a statement that has gone the rounds of the ncvrspapcrs that the Hon. P. Lalor, Speaker of the Greueral Assembly of Victoria, intends to settle in Auckland. Mr Lalor has merely come to New Zealand on a tour of pleasure. We are informed that he has been greatly surprised at the resources o£ the Colony, and the many evidences of progress and prosperity he has noticed in his visits to various parts of this Provincial District, and is gratified with the courtesy and kindness he has experienced from all classes of the people with whom he has come into contact ; but, we regret to say, we are unable to congratulate the community on the prospect of welcoming so valuable an addition to the ranks of our foremost men. For a generation Mr Lalor has been one of the prominent men in Victoria ; he has largely influenced her career, and will leave his mark upon the pages of her history ; his interests, and, doubtless, his inclinations, are bound up with Victoria, where he has risen to one of the highest positions open to a colonist — that of Speaker of the Greneral Assembly. It is not likely, therefore, that he will sever his long and distinguished connection with that Colony, however tempting may be the inducement New Zealand is able to hold out to him, and, indeed, we think Victoria could ill spare him. Men of his mental calibre are not so plentiful in the colonies. Apropos of this subject, we have thought Mr Lalor's visit to Auckland a fitting occasion for publishing in another part of this issue a short sketch of his life, which embracess a reference to many episodes and incidents in the early history of Victoria, which cannot fail to interest our readers, and especially old colonists.

As a general rule we eschew all reference to sectarian questions in these columns, and are still more chary of venturing into the troubled waters of parochial affairs. It has come to be the fashion among those who regard themselves as the " elect " to look with a mixture of pious sorrow and hopelessness upon the tribe of ungodly secular journalists, and even the occasional efforts of daring zealots — sighing, like Alexander, for fresh fields of misionary conquest — to snatch one of the brands from the burning, have been generally abandoned as a forlorn hope. Consequently the journalist who daves to interfere in parochial differences is likely to be rewarded with more " apostolic blows and knocks" than gratitude, just as the proverbial mediator in connubial disputes, or between a fond parent and an erring offspring, usually finds himself between two fires. At the outset, then, we decline to pronounce any opinion on the relative merits of the questions between the pastor, churchwardens, organist, and congregation of St. Matthew's, and its lively young hopeful, St. Thomas', whom dear Mr Hazard, in the fulness of his paternal affection, was wont to call his "pet child." Had the scandalous scenes that took place, and the shocking language that was used, even in the presence of ladies, in the Union-street sanctuary among those " who profess and call themselves

Christians," occurred at a prize-fight or among a select assemblage of larrikins, we should have been impelled by a sense of public duty to raise our warning voice and to invoke the aid of the guardians of the public peace ; but we naturally feel an overwhelming diffidence in daring to question the conduct of distinguished churchwardens and regular church-goers. We have never attained to that pinnacle of godliness— a seat in the vestry, or even the humble but honourable post of organ-blower— and we arc therefore in blissful ignorance of what takes piace behind the scenes at vestry meetings ; but if the late meeting at St. Thomas' is a sample of what usually transpires, we shall turn over a new leaf, give tip the naughty habit of attending theatres and nigger entertainments, study the slang dictionary, and go in for the more wholesome and exhilerating devotional exercises of parochial meetings. In conclusion, we shall perhaps be pardoned for offering, in a spirit of Christian humility, a little suggestion by, way of extricating St. Thomas' congregation from any trifling financial difficulties that may impede their career of tisefulness, which would -enable them to become a pattern and a model, and a light to guide the steps of stumbling sinners. Here f olloweth the suggestion : — Announce a repetition of the performance of Monday evening, advertise it freely by posters and handbills, admit the general public at so much a head, and we venture to predict that not only would there be a bumper house, but that money would have to be refused at the doors. We are fully aware that this disinterested advice is liable to misconstruction. Alas ! it is the usual fate of all great philanthropists, and there is nothing left to us but Christian resignation, and the consciousness of pure motives.

The action brought by Mr Weston, bookmaker, against Mr A. S. Bathbone is settled. Mr Bathbone having to leave the Colony on account of illhealth, was advised by his solicitor to settle the matter rather than leave it to the uncertainties of law during his absence. After conference between the parties, the above compromise was, therefore, arrived at.

We Lave in Auckland a Ladies' Benevolent Society; a State Believing Ollicer, several Ovplian Homes, and machinery of all sorts for tlie relief of the destitute and distressed, and yet we have such cases as that of Mrs McDowell in the Police Court on Monday last. This woman's husband has deserted her and gone to America, and she is left with five young children whom she is unable to support. The Believing Officer, for some unexplained reason refuses aid, the Besident Magistrate declines to make any order, and the police threaten to put her in gaol. Amongst a perfect nctwoi'k of charitable organizations and paraphernalia of law r , the poor woman is bandied about, each authority washing its hands of responsibility, until finally the gaol, w r hose doors are always imj>arfcially open as a last refuge, offers an asylum from starvation. We arc accustomed to boast of the philanthropic- spirit of the age, and from time to time some smooth-tongued chairman gives us a glowing account of the wonders achieved by an all-pervading charity, we pass sundry consolatory resolutions, congratulate each other all round, and go home to our comfortable firesides with a virtuous sense of self-sacrifice. But does not this case of Mrs McDowell shew that there is a halo of hypocrisy and sham about the thing ? We want more real charity, and less of the cheai? pulpit and platform kind.

That was a highly edifying and soul-inspiring spectacle at the Mount Albert Hall the other evening. Two individuals, residents of the district, were at " loggerheads " on the licensing question. Both were "shining lights," "pillars," " beloved brethren," or something of that sort in the Wesleyan battalion of the Church Militant and Dissentiant. Said one of the pious Christian saints : "Mr R. has proved false to his colours ; he won't go Avith. the Grood Templars. Some people consider them worse than Roman Catholics or Hauhaus." Then warbled the placid ' brother :' "■ I have been a tee-totaller more years than Mr (x. has weeks." Whereupon Mr GK collapsed, probably not caring about his "beloved brother's" insinuation as to his recent conversion to the principles of Grood Templarism. Brother R. scored a victory, and Brother G-. (who had to meet his antagonist at the rural chapel-door in a few days) was simply rampant, under the sense of ignominious defeat. Anyhow, what about Gfood Templars being " worse than Roman Catholics or Hauhaus"? Does Mr GK, the rejected and forlorn one, mean to draw any analogy between tlie religious communion whose present status and ultimate destiny Macaulay has so vividly sketched, and the ephemeral burlesque of religion by a sect of aboriginals ? Perhaps he did not. Let us be, at least, charitable, and assume that the speaker allowed, his irritation and mortified vanity for the moment to obscure his common sense. Of course, it must have been galling to him to have been ignominiously put on one side, just as it was to his confrere, Mr Newman ; but, still, he should be careful in his excitement not to make himself ridiculous by using absurd analogies.

The extraordinary prevalence of religious mania and other forms of mental derangement among the aboriginal tribes in the Taranaki and Whanganui districts has been frequently commented on by physiologists and medical men. It is in this part of the country that the lowest forms of superstition find the most congenial soil. It was here that the Hauhau fanaticism originated, and during the war the natives displayed the greatest barbarity. Some writers have attributed the mental characteristics of the West Coast natives to some inferiority of race. Mr Bryce, who has probably read " Buckle's History of Civilization," thought he could trace the tendency to insanity and religious mania to the gloomy and depressing scenery of the country. We do not know however, whether anyone has yet drawn attention to what appears to be the true cause of the phenomena, the habit of subsisting mainly on steeped maize or Jcaangapiran — rotten corn. It has been found that insanity prevails very extensively among the poor classes of Venetians whose diet consists largely of " polenta" or Indian corn

meal. In the asylum on one of the islands near the town there are 600 lunatics who have become insane through the use of this "polenta" as au article of food. The madness begins with scabs on the arms and head, similar to the Maori hakihalei, or itch. Recently the "Venetians appointed a congress of doctors to investigate, and they reported that while good, well-cooked polenta is a wholesome food, the disease arises from eating polenta which is either bad from being grown on exhausted land, or from being kept in damp sheds, where it becomes mildewed. The coincidence in the form of diet and the symptoms of the disease between the poorer Venetians and the Maoris, is so striking as to be well worthy of investigation by scientists in this Colony.

Prior to his departure by tliejxiaiL-stsainev, Zealandia, Mr A. S. 'Rv.iiihOne, proprietor o£ tlie"^ Observer, received a very, gratifying proof of the high, respect in which he was held by those who, since the establishment of this paper, had been constantly brought into intimate relations with him— the literary, typographical, and commercial staff — and who consequently had the best opportunities of estimating and appreciating his character as an employer and a personal friend. When it was known that his absence from Auckland was likely to extend over a period of several months, a subscription was set on foot, to which, all the staff — contributors and employes — contributed. The souvenir took the form of a very handsome gold locket, bearing on one side Mr Rathbone's monogram, and on the other a.suitable inscription ; together with the portraits of the subscribers (cabinet-size), arranged in a handsomely -framed shield, elaborately illuminated with scroll-work and foliage, and bearing a similar inscription to the locket. These were accompanied by a letter expressing the gratification of the subscribers with the relations that had subsisted between them and Mr Rathboue, wishing him a pleasant tour, speedy improvement in his health, and an early return to the Colony. The locket, which was of a very chaste design, was supplied by Messrs Kohn Brothers, of Queen-street, while the photographs were skilfully taken and tastefully arranged at Mr Josiah Martin's studio.

AT ST. THOMAS' CHUECH MEETING-.

" Mr Howden was asked whom he represented. His reply was, ' The people — in fact you.' This raised Miss Gibbons' ire, who walked out in front of Mr Howden, critically surveyed him, and indignantly protested against the idea that he represented her."