BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 77, 4 March 1882, Page 396

BRIEF MENTION

" Vale."— By the bank valet. A Sherry nobbier. — G-eorge Bennett, who nobbled £13 from George Sherry.

The officei'6 of the Russian squadron, while in Melbourne, were supplied with free railway passes.

The Ponsonby Wesleyans arc going to have a bazaar shortly. Count Schouveloff (pronounced " Shovel-off," has shuffled off this mortal coil.

New role for Jem Mace. — A people's churchwarden at St. Thomas.

Charley Stubbs indignantly denies the soft impeachment that he has come back in double harness.

Miss E. Southgate's graceful figure was one of the charming features at the Mahurangi ball. J. R., East Tamaki. — You must communicate personally.

Mr R.W. Dyer, solicitor, of Cambridge, is now engaged in the office of Whitaker and Sheehan.

A lady in College-road will shortly give an "At Home" as an introduction to the currant iellyisni of the neighbourhood.

A correspondent is anxious to know why the Bapido Dramatic Society have discontinued their entertainments.

It is not true that the Archill Working Men s Club and the congregation of St. Thomas' are competing with each other to secure the services of Jem Mace.

The master of the schooner Griffin is not at all of an excitable disposition, but just ask him where "Eangitoto Eeef" is ? and watch the result.

A Working Men's Club meeting at Archill one evening last week became so lively that a policeman and doctor had to be sent for.

The North Shore Cricket Club announced that they would play their " second" eleven last Saturday. We wish to hear when they played a " first" eleven.

Gastronomic gas. The " blowing and glowing" of Mr Morley's testimonial re the gas stoves. See daily papers.

An aged milliner near the Newton East School has been so terrified by fears of scarlatina, that she has removed, her young hopeful from the school.

It is rumoured that a popular boniface, of Queen-street, jumped the broom a few clays ago with a fair shopkeeper. I Since 1874 the annual value of rateable property in the Borough of Thames has just depreci- { ated one half. There were upwards of 150 people playing crictet in the Domain last Saturday, and still we havn't a Murdoch or a Spofforth. Epitaph in Tauranga cemetery : — Kind friends all, when this you see. Here lies the mother of a large familee. A piece of suburban property, which twenty years ago was bought for £200, was sold by auction the other day and fetched £5000. j The total claims paid by the New Zealand Accident Insurance Company during the year 1881 | amounted to £2909 4s 7d. The engagement is announced of Mr 0. H. Osmond, to Miss P. J. Jervis, second daughter of H. M. Jervis, Esq., J.P., of Auckland. A correspondent wishes to know where the 13s 6d trouser-maker (warranted shrunk) of Queen-street has gone to. Messrs Schmitt, Owen, Forrest, Heath, and Calliau, are the judges for the band contest, to take place to-morrow (Saturday). The Roman Catholic bishop of Sandhurst, Dr. Crane, and his brother, were passengers per s.s. Zealandia for England. There must be something in religion after all, when some of the St. Thomas' people consider it worth fighting for. There is something in a name, it seems. Bliss, a Melbourne man, has received £2,500 from the Victorian Government, for injuries received in a railway. The Government meteorologist says there were 187 dry days last year. Swill well, an old toper says he counted a good many more. The following bands will compete at the eonpete at the contest to-morrow (Saturday): — Hobson, City and Engineer, Artillery and Thames Scottish. A grand gathering is anticipated. The Hall Government did rightly in abolishing the Department of Justice. A Government that has no justice has no need of a department. It was a sinful ■waste. Economy for ever. What is the " rot " we hear about not being able to get an inspector of lunatic asylums in the colony. There are plenty of old members of Parliament who have had excellent training for the post. I've had enough of this great sewage question, It spoils my appetite, and ruins digestion, I've had enough of drains, at least at present, Some drains of whiskey would be far more pleasant. There is a Scotchman in Auckland who thinks that Mr Alexander Bayne, of Sandhurst, Victoria, is his " long lost brother." Mr Bayne, like most men with poor relations, does not seem to see it. There is a deep growl amongst the canine tribes of Auckland. They don't see why they should be taxed double the amount at which the Ponsonby dogs j are assessed. ' An Auckland divine believes that a celestial record is kept of the amount of each Sundays' collection.' What a loßg list of threepenny bits that record must be ? Mary had a little lamb, With which she used to tussle, She pulled the wool all off its back And jammed it in her bustle. A woman at the Thames has started the novel theory that one of the causes of the spread of scarlet fever is a red-haired woman who bathes in a water-race. JEow many carrotty-haired girls are there in Onehunga ? He loved her little, though he loved her long, : And yet his love was short ; She longed for love, but as ho took too long, She took him into court. Another benedict on the Star staff, Mr J". D. Davis, led to the hymenal alter on the 25th ult., Miss Kate Eliza Fincham. The young couple have our best wishes. G-arrard seems to be very well known at St. Thomas. Some members of the congregation, we fear, have been taking lessons from the great orator, that is, if we may judge by some of the expressions used at the late meetings. "We read in the shipping columns of the Herald that "The Koinau Catholic Bishop of Wellington was ashore" at New Plymouth. We hope His Lordship could swim. Taranoki is an awkward place to be washed ashore. A Maori at Parihaka having committed suicide the other day on finding his wife with a paramour, the jStar remarks that the wrong man got killed. And yet the Star said a day or two before that it would never justify murder j it meant " hardly ever." At the last City Schools meeting, the result of the standard examination was read, when it appeared that in the upper four standards at Nelson-street school there was not one failure, and for the whole six standards _^there were 9Q per cent, of passes.

We hear that, in view of the surplus m the revenue for the financial year, a determined effort will be made by the representatives of property in Parliament to considerably reduce or abolish the Property Tax.

Two bright and shining lights of the Temperance cause at Newton got rather "fou" the other evening; and as they rolled homewards along the Karangahape Eoad, made the night hideous witn a temperance ode song in a decidedly jerky manner.

Ever so many candidates who couldn't get seats at the last general elections are going in for Stanmore, declared vacant. It will be a kind of Parliamentary Consolation Stakes. Amongst the rest are Ballance, Wakefield, and Fox. Staumore cannot stan(d) more.

One of the rules of an awfully swell dancing class is as follows :— " All members and guests attending the dances must come in full dress. Any lady or gentleman coming undressed will not be admitted." There is nothing like strict propriety in these matters.

For diptheria, Dr Day recommends the frequent use of a gargle composed of a table-spoonful 01* more of salt dissolved in a tumbler of water ; for adults, 3or 4 times a day. Children who cannot gargle should be given a teaspoonf ul or two to drink occasionally.

As usual, the mistress was doing Bridget's work when the latter feelingly observed :— " There you are, ma'am, ironin' for the last long time, and you haven't sweated in the laste. When I take the iron in my fisht the sweat rouls off of me in sthram.es. Glory bit o' God."

It is a significant comment on the intellectual state of our young men that at a recent sale of smutty and sensational French and American literature the attendance of buyers was unusually numerous, and the bidding spirited, the books realising in some cases double the retail price. Here is a text tor the parsons. She jilted White and his connexions, And soon transferred her young affections, To Black, the gallant volunteer, The private Auckland Engineer, Says White, "You are a gay deceiver," Says she, "I've caught the scarlet fever."

The Parua Bay terpsichoreans were much scandalised at the rude remarks of a certain guest with auburn hair of a distinct type, who amused himself by passing invidious criticisms on the dancing. Some of the young men who felt grieved threatened to operate on his proboscis.

Mr J. H. Seward appears to be of opinion that the Wiertz school of painting and Wagner's style of music are too utterly utter to be fully understood and appreciated by the Auckland pigmies. We would suggest that as we have now half-a-dozen professors in Auckland they should devote their erudite minds to this study.

A curiosity has been discovered in Tuakau. It is a drunken woman. Of course none of the Tuakauiaus ever saw such a phenomenon before. Well, hardly ever. Such is the Arcadian innocence of these bucolics. We wonder they did'nt exhibit her at so much a-head in a glass case.

In answer to " Flora," Parnell, we have to say : You were in the wrong and your mother was, as usual, right. Don't you remember the almost hackneyed quotation from Hamlet, that " The shariest maid is prodigal enough, If she unmask her beauty to the moon."

A bushnian on the wallaby adopted an ingenious plan to keep oif fiies. From the brim of his hat hung little strings ; at the end of them were light pieces of cork, which were in a constant state of motion with every breeze or shake of the head, thus effectually baitlking the attentions of the insects.

Hard times for the Auckland slavics are looming in the distance. Twenty domestic servants are being especially imported from the old country, and we are informed "that other large shipments are to follow." Twelve shillings a-week will soon be a thing- of the past. Unfortunate Jemima! Oh! doubly disconsolate Sarah Jane ! !

The great band contest takes place to-morrow in Stork's Victoria gardens, North Shore, steamers conveying passengers to and fro every quarter of an hour. There will be a grand promenade concert, fireworks and dancing in the evening. The amount of return fare, covering also admittance to the gardens, is merely trifling.

Mr Crofts kindly favoured a select Auckland audience with a history of Ireland from the mists of antiquity down to the present time — he might have said (re la Mrs Partingtou) from the mists of antiquity down to "the mists of iniquity !" Like most fervid orators, he fell foul of the newspapers, and indulged in a good deal of Hibernian hyperbole on the subject of their treatment of him.

Everyone knows the old coloured gentleman at the Thames who travels under the übiquitous cognomen of " Shanghai." He is an ex-pugilist and when he heard that Jem Mace had arrived in the Colony he thus soliloquised, " Wall, I would like to see Massa Mace. At the same time fitin 's hard work, and powerful bad for the eyesight."

We should think there is a " felt want" of a grammar schoel at Hamilton. The Waikato Times states in a conspicuous part of its front page that it is " published cwnj Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday mornings." When things prosper we shall expect to see this altered to " Published every days." At present, it will be seen the Times comes out three times each "weeks I"

Jim O'Leary is on the look out for some ballast, but this time it "is a wife that is engrossing his spare moments. Two little darlings are hinted at, for whom he is supposed to entertain more than a passing regard, and oftentimes on the beach in town he is heard gently to murmur, " How happy could I be with either were t'other fair charmer away."

There lives, not a hundred miles from Auckland, a retired baker, whose "missis" is fond of "putting on frills." The other day a grocer's porter knocked at the front door. " What dyer ineau by yer iinperance, comin' round to the front of the 'ouse?" cried the lady indignantly. "Well," replied the grocer, " your ole man used to come to the front of my house when he was my baker." A lady resident at the North Shore suggests that the directors should give orders that the velvet pile upholstered seats should be removed from the fine new boat Victoria during wet weather such as we have had this week, or they will inevitably be ruined. Either that, or that they should be sovered for the time with American waterproof cloth. A word to the wise is enough.

Key. D. Bruce, editor of the New Zealand Times, has come to Auckland to attend the University Senate. New Zealand journalism is getting respectable since it numbered a parson in its ranks. Blasphemy is now rarely heard within the walls of the New Zealand Times, and even the " devils" attend Sunday School, and beguile their leasure in the intervals of making "pie," by singing Moody and Sankey's hymns. The other day Mrs Lacquer lost her pet lap dog. Believing it had been stolen, she offered a reward for the arrest and conviction of the thief. Next day a man called at the house. " I've found yer dawg, mum," he said. She took the pet in her arms, and was about to close the door when the mau. i-emarked, " Beg pardon, mum, but where' 8 the reward." "I offered a reward for the thief, not the dog," sho replied with a bland smile, and then the man skipped down the steps and disappeared round the next corner. '* Has the resignation of Mr Herbert, manager of the Union Sash and Door Company, any connection with the recent dispute with the workmen ? There are those who say that Mr Herbert is to be made the scapegoat so that no odium may rest upon the very virtuous shareholders in the concern, and in order that the skilled workmen who cannot be replaced, may be enticed back to the company's employment. These are jusfc the class of men, however, who have found ready employment elsewhere, and the immolation of Herbert comes too late to effect part of the object in view. There is still to be "cakes and ale at the North Shore, as well as donkey rides on Sundays. The Star, in a eulogistic " puif preliminary" of Messrs Stark and Quick's new gardens at the North Shore, declared that they would be conducted on strictly teetotal principles. Now, Messrs Tonks have sold the privilege of supplying liquors in the gardens at the /etc on baturday (to-morrow), and him that is athirst may go and drink freely. Bather a nice way in which to inaugurate a teetotal concern

The newspapers states that Princess Helene, the bride-elect of Prince Leopold, of Englaud, "speaks English fluently." It is just possible that Leo. may uot fully appreciate this qualification. A year hence, when the Prince returns at 2 a.m. from the club, and approaches the royal bed-chamber on tiptoe, the " fluency" of Heleue's speech may rather astonish him, and he will probably agree with John Milton that " one tongue is enough for a woman," and wish that his beloved had stuck to her native German, in which any attempt at volubility proves very exhausting.

The Yankee corn-doctor is the biggest draw ever seen in Melbourne. He fares sumptuously at Garton's, and drives round in a gorgeous six-horse equipage in the af ternoon.by way of airing and advertising himself . In the evening he visits the Eastern Market, where a huge crowd assembles to meet him. For (say) half-an-hour he extracts corns gratis in public ; after that time he operates in private on people who pay, and who for the most part- are cleaner-footed than his public patients. He scoops in the money wholesale — is said to be making £200 per week.

In a leading thoroughfare off Queen-street is a funeral establishment, in which those curious enough to peer in at the doorway can at any time see the manufacture of coffins proceeding at a lively rate. One afternoon recently a woman, with a mouthful of tacks, might have been seen nailing the black scrim on a wooden box with the dexterity which betokens a thorough acquaintance with the trade. In a snug corner, a grinning child sat in an unfinished shell, amusing itself with a tin coffin-plate. The generally-ghoulish effect of the whole scene can be better imagined than described. Dark was the night, the stars and moon Wore hidden 'neath a cloudy sky ; Attracted by the sweet perfume Two lovely maidens sauntered by The store of Hurst, resistless they Against that all pervading scent, They through the windows made their way And then for Hurst's spare coppers went. Ah blame them not, if once they slipped, Before the bonedust's fatal power, Like Dr "Watts' bees that sipped The honey from each opening flower. The residents at Seafield View were much scandalised on a recent occasion by the spectacle of a well-known resident in that charming suburb, trudging along in tha rain, minus his unmentionables. Inquiry into the cause of this unwonted freak showed that the man's better-half had made her first essay in the art of tailoring by making him a pair of continuations. In all the pride of this triumph of art he had gone out to display his new garment to the eyes of his admiring friends, but had imbibed rather freely and being fearful of spoiling his unmentionables in the rain, took them off and carried them under his arm. There is nothing like repentance, even at the eleventh hour. The Bay of Plenty Times preaches a homily on the wickedness of getting into debt, winding up with the following very excellent sentiment :—" If people would act on the principle that it was better to go to bed supperless than rise in debt, they would avoid a great deal of unpleasantness that arises when they find themselves unable to meet their liabilities." Bravo ! The sentiment does honour to the writer's heart. But after all the show of self-denial, so far as the average journalist is concerned, is more apparent than real. The idea of a newspaper man indulging in the luxury of supper ! By-and-bye we shall hear of their giving up " night-caps." Miss Hume was entertained at a private party in Kaukapakapa Hall the other day on the occasion of her departure for Auckland. The weather being favourable, many of the settlers came from long distances. The guests numbered nearly 50, and a most enjoyable evening was spent, dancing being kept up with unflagging spirit till morning. Miss Amy Rabson was awarded the palm of being the belle of the ball, and Mr Kobert Drimman officiated as M. C, and was very attentive to the ladies. Mr "William Osbaldston was observed to almost monopolise one lady to himself during the dances, and thereby excited the jealousy of some other beaux who equalled him in their admiration of the fair one. The Coffee Palace in Adelaide is a fearful failure. The bald-headed, and receding foreheaded, spectacled philanthropists who demised the scheme for the eternal salvation of the 'orny 'anded, who was to be weaned from beer and bagatelle and coddled on coffee and buns, are disgusted. The 'orny-'anded has got tired of the novelty of the thing. He objected to have benevolent spectacled gentlemen like aldermen (on the look-out for a fat dividend), overlooking his plate, as if he were a wild beast feeding in a menagerie. He didn't like the cheap-restaurant-cum-benevolence style, so he returned to his beer and bagatelle. The Coffee Palace directors then tried to affiliate to their business the " boarding-house " dodge. Loss followed upon loss, till the institution passed in its checks. The other day Mr Joseph Beimett had occasion to advertise for a carter, and for convenience sake he attached Captain Lodder's name to the advertisement, as manager of the Kaipara S.S. Company. About 50 applicants responded, and gave Lodder almost as lively a time with deputations as if he had been a Cabinet Minister, with a £5,000,000 loan in prospect. _ Amongst others was a man who, having been kept waiting for a long time, was suddenly seized with the divine afflatus, and jerked off the following verse :— As true as my name is Hughes, I will not wait till you refuse, For this complicated situation Might cause hereafter some vexation. The funny man of the Sydney Bulletin may be a great wit, but he can't write poetry worth a cent. Take the following verse as a sample :— " What disenchantment ! — How we hid The gift— it was a little locket !— And clutched it as we quickly slid, ■ With tears of rage, tight in our pockets." " Tears of rage, tight in our pocket," is good. It reminds us of those skin flints whose hearts are in their breeches pockets. On the other hand, the poet may mean that he " slid " tight into his own pocket, and that in the effort he caused several "tears" m his unmentionables. But we cannot help thinking that the verse would have read better in this way :— •' What enchantment ! How we hid That bottle, wasn't it a flutter ? We clutched it as we quickly slid, With trembling knees tight in the gutter.' The Melbourne Bulletin says, "Sir John O'Shaghanasy.better known as 'Big Jack,' has given up, for a time, the congenial occupation of finding billets for his proteges, and is going to New Zealand. 'Big Jack' has been recently scenting round Minister's offices, and his famous ' shtick ' has been heard to come down upon the floor of Sir Bryan O'Loghlen's room with an iinpleasant aggressive sound which has startled the black crows in the aute-chamber.' The idea lately was to get for Mr W. H. Archer the secretaryship to the Trustees of the Public Library at £700 per annum, or a police magistracy at £650. Sir Bryan said he could not do it, as Mr Archer was not liked by a large section of the community. Sir John, however, insisted, and was heard to utter as he came out of Sir Bryan's room, thumping with his ' shtick ' on the floor : •It must be done, sorr, it must be done !' " In a recent trial for wife-beating, Mr E. K. Tyler, who defended the husband, advanced the legal plea that, in certain circumstances, a man was entitled to thrash his wife. The R.M. did not admit the soundness of the counsel's law, but he showed that he sympathised with his views so far by only imposing a nominal fine : — E. K. Tyler, E. K. Tyler, You've turned a gentle sex reviler, To say a brute Might use his foot To kick his wife, Oh ! E. K. Tyler ! Then husband brave Come, whip your slave, Or wife, as you may choose to style her A single " bob" Will pay the job, With our B.M. and E. K. Tyler I One would have thought that, with Mormons " Annihilationists, and no end of other "ationists" in our midst, we might? be fairly supplied with religions sects. But our ctip is not yet full, it, 1 seems. The Shakers appear to have emissaries in our midst, actively engaged in the wbrk of proselytising. ,'This week a gentleman, residing in the city, whom we i may call Mr Quiverful, had thrust below his front- floor a tract, entitled, " The Forbidden Fruit of New Testament -I ' ■ ' I

is a Woman to Man," which tract strongly enunciates, on religious grounds, the Shaker doctrine of non-progo-gation. As Mr Quiverful has about a dozen olive branches, with every indication of " more to follow," the tract gives him a rather cruel stab, and makes him think that he must be a double-dyed sinner. He recommends the Shaker apostles to enforce their views on the youths and bachelors of the community, and warn them of the fearful consequences of tasting "forbidden fruit." The Benedicts, in his opinion, are too far gone for reformation. But it is to bo feared, as of old time, the "forbidden fruit" will continue in demand, and will be the more sought after the more it is tapw. Really, what are we coming to in religious beliefs ? We only want a sect of " Universal Damnationists " to make our joy complete !

There is a " born orator" at present in Auckland, and Auckland does not seem to appreciate him. True, " goody-goody" Auckland and his wife went to hear him in the Theatre on Sunday night, but they went, for the most part, to smile at the orator's iincouth Lancashire accent. Bamford is the rather prosaic name of the prodigy, and the Star gives a gushing description of his personal appearance. Therein are unfolded the signs by which a " born orator" may be distinguished from the common herd of orators, who have not had the good fortune to be born, but, like Topsy, have " growed." The chief of these signs are—" Standing six feet high, with a commanding figure, ruddy countenance, etc." It is cheering to learn that Mr Bamford has never been at Oxford or Cambridge, and there is not even a suspicion that he his been trotted through Spurgeon's College. We wonder if there is good pay for being a born orator ! Shall we revise the proverb thus : " Some men are born orators ; others make themselves orators by means of pebbles, jujubes, and Webster's dictionary ; and others have oratory thrust upon them by a meek Christian woman armed with a broomstick !"

A correspondent, recently from Home, writes : " I see that Moody and Sankey's committee deny the statement that the evangelists demand a payment of £700 a month, and declares that neither in 1873, nor on their present visit to Britain was the question #of remuneration ever mooted to them. lamin a position to say that either the committee are grievously deceived, or they make use of a not very creditable double entendre with a view to hide the real point at issue. In 1873, the prominent town in which I resided attempted to secure a visit from the great sensational preacher and singer, but when it was found that the terms were £40 for a couple of meetings, besides their board, the proposition was abandoned. It was also well known that associations in other towns paid similar sums to secure a visit from the Yankees. I have therefore no doubt of the substantial correctness of the report that their terms at the present time are £700 a month, as stated. By some kind of euphemism, it may be asserted that this is not " remuneration," as the money is to be devoted to some religious object ; but to all intents and purposes it is a fixed charge made for services rendered, and those who pay the money have no further check upon it, and no saj whatever in its disposal. The long day sermon ended, The worshippers went oif, The spooney couples wended Their way down Queen-street Wharf, Where many fragnant posies, From east, and south, and we3t, Salute the peoples' noses, Like Araßy the Blest. At the corner where the moonbeams On the brick-wall brightly glow, On the gaily-coloured posters Of the last imported show, They heardafervant preacher, With fury and with sound Who aspired to be a teacher, And the Gospel to expound. They gathered round about him, While a group of larrikins Began to jeer and flout him, When he told them of their sins ; They blocked his new bell-topper, And threatened him with fist, And used language quite improper To that young evangelist. ■