The Obserber.

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 73, 4 February 1882, Page 322

The Obserber.

I Satitbday, Febbttaby 4th, 1882.

Announcements of forthcoming marriages in society are as much, a matter of course at home in England as the advertisements of the marriages themselves. Here, however, the system does not appear to answer. "We have given it a fair trial, and find it a delusion and a snare. In the first place, many persona seem to be of opinion that an engagement, unlike a marriage, is toe solemn a matter to be talked about. They aver the arrangement is a purely private one, and has no more to do with the public than what they eat for dinner, or are *going to' devour for tea. At first sight this view sounds reasonable, but, nevertheless, we cannot quite coincide in it. An announcement of the engagement of two persons is as much a subject of interest to friends and acquaintances as their marriage ; and if one is advertised as a matter of course, why should any reference to the other be severely " tabooed." JSTo, no ; the real argument against announcing engagements is the frequent inaccuracy of the statements. We never publish a betrothal unless it appears genuine and is vouched for . by a respectable name and address, but too often the latter is as mythical as the former, and turns out, when looked up, to be a disgraceful forgery. Now, for this crime unfortunately tliere is no remedy. If people deliberately make tip their minds to commit forgery, they can, no doubt, deceive us, and at the same time inflict a serious injury on two innocent persons. We have seen something of the harm ttiat these bogus announcements do, and we have now determined to shut them up for ever. Henceforth, unless an engagement is made known by one of the interested parties, or by a responsible member of the bride-elect's family, we "shall not insert it. The statement must be made to the editor personally and not by letter, as, otherwise, forgeries may crop up again. We are aware that this change will probably lose us a few subscribers amongst some classes, but we feel sure it will be approved by all respectable readers, more especially as young folks will now feel they can "flirt" in peace, and without fear of some ill-natured booby sending an " engagement to the Obsebveb."

♦— ■ A bewildered citizen, whose mental equilibrium Had been disturbed by contact -with dusky royalty, was discovered by Policeman Jones in a 'very-, woe-begone condition shortly after the memorable and fragrant Dallen feed. One arm was fondly clasping a telephone-post, and underneath the

other was a document, which the intelligent constable annexed. At first he had some misgivings about making the contents of that document public, but has now received permission to do so from the Colonial Secretary. As a slight return for our favourable notice of his new set of buttons, Jones has handed it to us. It is indeed a positively peculiar production : — " Potatau peregrinated Paradise-ward; Potatau 11. pops into power. Pakeha propounds precepts peaceable. Punctated potentate ponders : ' Pecuniary policy prompts pakeha party, possibly— personal pelf, perhaps.' ' Perish pelf !' says pakeha, ' perfectly proper principles preponderate.' Persuasive palaver prevailing, Potatau packs plethoric portmanteau and promptly proceeds post-haste. Presently palm of Potatau presses paws of pakeha. Puffing, panting people pass in procession of pageantry and parade. Punctilious pinks of perfection, and perspiring, pompous parvenus, pushing and pressing perpetually, prove petulant and profane. Plainly Potatau perceives that pakeha has peculiar penchant (pardon pedantry) for proffering presents and provender. Prudently passes presents into pocket, and polishes off piles of pabulum. Piquant patiJci ! piscatorial perfume ! par-boiled potatoes ! putrescent pears ! Presently, pangs in paunch, presaging pills, powders and potions. Parsimonious purveyors plead * peccavi,' lest peradventure prompt punishment pursue pernicious practices ! Pertinackms pakehas propitiate Potatau, perchance he prove petulant, paTceTce, perverse, and persistently prevent parties purchasing. Pacify piqued potentate, parleying and pottering. Present poor prospects of permanent profit, when post-prandial pains predominate."

"Under which King, Benzonian ? speak or die !" When Pistol put this question to Shallow, the crown had changed hands, or rather heads, and Henry Y. was king, instead of Henry the IV. Poor Justice Shallow did not know it, and imagined he was still under the king whose reign had ended. Had Major Mair been asked a similar question at the Kaipara niepting, he would probably have been no clearer on the point than • was the shallow Gloucester justice Shallow. First of all, the Ngatiwhatua present an address to Tawhiao, concluding with " G-od Save King Tawhiao !" and next comes an address to the Government ending with " Grod save the Queen !" Thig was doing the thing fair and square, but a punctilhous Englishman might perhaps have found fault with the order in which the royal names' were placed. Not so, however, Major Mair. As a Q-overnment official, and an officer in Her Majesty's Colonial Service, he perceived nothing incongruous in the matter,nothing anomalous in his own position, and he gravely complimented the Ngatiwhatua on then: good taste. *♦ God bless the King ! God bless the faith's defender ! God bless — No harm in blessing the Pretender, Who that Pretender is, and who the King — God bless its all ! — is quite another thing." The Maoris paid divine honours to Tawhiao, but they only took their cue from the pakeha sychophants and snobs and snobbesses who buzzed and fluttered about the dusky potentate. Tawhiao has been the lion of the hour, and has been trotted about, feted, petted, and flattered, just as the people of England flattered Kossuth, Graribaldi, the Sultan, and the Shah of Persia. ' Tawhiao was our New Zealand " Shah," and we made' the most of him while the farce lasted. Mr Plowden, the English Consul at Masowah, so flattered and pampered Theodore, of Abyssinia, that it was said the descendant of Prestor John cherished a strong ambition to become the husband of the Queen of England, and even represented that his descent from, the Queen of Sheba made him not unworthy of such an alliance. Tawhiao's ambition may not soar quite so high, but doubtless by this time he has come to regard himself as quite equal to the Queen of Grreat Britain and Ireland and Empress of India. Truly " It is the curse of kings to be attended By slaves who take their humours for a warrant." *

The City Council deserve to be commended for their action in recommending Mr Pardy's services to the attention of the Government. The case was one which clearly justified the Council in stepping out of the conventional limits of municipal jurisdiction, as it was closely connected with the peace, good order, and well-being of the citizens whose interests are committed to the Council's supervision and guardianship. There is now no room to doubt that the detectives were completely at fault, when Mr Pardy struck Phimmer's trail and caught him like a fox in his hole. It has been industriously given out that Detective Jeffrey had limed the twig and was about to apprehend Plummer when that officer was ordered away to the North. At one time we believed there was really something in the story. We are now convinced that it was utterly devoid of any foundation in fact. Jeffrey had discovered by some means or other that a settler named Bayley resided in one of the Northern townships, and putting two and two together, the detective jumped to the conclusion • that he was the New Zealand Jack Sheppard. Even when it was pointed out that the initials were different from those placed before Plummer's alias, the astute Jeffrey stuck to the theory that it was a mere ruse. At his own request he was sent to the Northern settlement, instituted inquiries about the " suspect," made no secret of his object, and took advantage of the man's absence from his home to seal up his boxes in such a manner that they could not be opened without injury. He continued under the impression that he was on the right track until lie received a telegram from the police in Auckland informing him of the capture of Plummer. The surveillance to which the ■wrong Bailey was subjected has seriously injured his reputation, and he has ever since been subjected to the banter and invidious remarks of his fellow citizens. He is known as "Bayley, the burglar," and has become the butt of that numerous class of persons who are not altogether displeased at the misfortunes of their best friends. For this he has sent in a formal claim for an apology and reparation, failing which he will probably seek to vindicate his character and reputation in a court of law.

Versatile and varied as are the talents and ac# cornplishments of the just Josiah, it has not until "within the last few days been known that

he or his firm have gone in for the manufacture of bouquets wholesale. Whether the floral productions are to be of natural growth, or merely in the artificial line, is not clearly set forth. At all events an observant public is informed, through the medium of letters four inches long, that Thornton, Smith and Firth are " manufacturers of superior flours." Now, it is well known that the great J.C. is perpetually going in for " superior flowers " of ora — well, say speech, and, not long since, was thanked by Consul Griffin for a present of some " flowers of sympathy " on the memorable occasion when the modest miller sent that historic letter of condolence " as an Englishman," when the lamented G-arfield was shot. It has been suggested that the floral idea was not intended at all in the new front embellishments. But, on the other hand, who ever heard of the triturated particles of the golden grain being referred to in the plural number ? Still, the words are there. It is perfectly clear that Josiah is at variance with the grammarians. Very well — so much the worse for them.

What has the Eev. Mr been doing in his South Sea Island Kingdom ? There must be surely something queer when a number of respectable persons — residents in a well-known town hare found it necessary for the well-being of that community, to petition Sir Arthur Gordon to prevent that political cleric from returning to his beloved home. Many curious and possibly exaggerated tales have reached here from time to time respecting the doings of this eminent divine. For example it has been broadly stated that he made use of his influence as a missionary to supplant the trades in the purchase of cobra and cocoanut oil, and that in various ways he went outside his legitimate sphere to interfere with them in their operations of sale and barter. Further, that Mr has shown himself to be a very vindictive person, and has gone so far as to threaten he would ruin certain parties who had, in the exercise of their business duties, clashed with his own particular schemes- Indeed, one case has been told tis with circumstantiality of detail which would seem to give colour to the latter statement. It is to the effect that, a young man, acting as " supercargo for a large firm in Auckland, had to collect from the reverend gentleman a sum of money on account of freight and charges on goods. Failing, after repeated attempts to get a settlement, Mr had no alternative but to sue, which he did, and recovered the debt. Then, it is said the Eev. got even with the youth by poisoning the minds of his employers, and thereby getting him discharged from the firm. We hope and believe that these and many other statements are untrue, but if it should turn out otherwise, there should be no difficulty in comprehending the motive which prompted the islanders to express their desire, that the rev. gentleman be restrained from inflicting his portly person on them any more.

A Grood Templar lodge, not more than a hundred miles from Auckland, has expelled one of its members by a unanimous ballot under the following circumstances : — The lodge consists of members of various religious sects, and some of no sect at all. Consequently sectarian questions are carefully excluded from the discussions. At one of the meetings a pillar of a certain church, who holds pronounced denominational views, advocated the introduction of a weekly contemporary distinguished for its Sectarian intolerance amongst the literature used by the members. A vote was taken on the question, and the decision was against the proposal. The result irritated the proposer, who made use of very unparliamentary language, levelling gross and wholesale charges against the character of the ladies of the lodge, and denouncing the men as rogues and thieves. He was cited before a committee, tried, and condemned to expulsion, and the report was sustained by a unanimous vote. From facts which have been communicated to us we think he richly deserved his punishment. The lodge contains many men and women who move in respectable society, whose characters and reputations are irreproachable, and who sacrifice much valuable time and labour in reclaiming the intemperate. The offender did not in his calmer moments, offer to retract and apologise for his gross and unjustifiable language, but endeavoured to shield himself from the consequences by a subterfuge which only aggravated the offence. Of course, such intolerance and defiance of discipline could not be borne, and the lodge had no alternative but to vindicate its authority and the reputation of virtuous women by a recourse to the severest punishment in its power.

A story is told about Mr Beaumont Eeid, the popular Vocalist of the Bent and Bachelder Minstrels, which has at least an air of probability about it. Many years ago Sir Julius Benedict (then a music teacher in London) was startled by hearing in the streets boy's voice purer and and more beautiful than he had ever listened to before. To continue his walk under such circumstances was impossible, and he therefore sought out the singer, and found that he was a lad without near relations, and very anxious to get on in the world. Arrangements were soon concluded. The maestro took the lad under his wing, and guaranteed to turn him out with one of the most perfect voices the world had ever heard if only he would obey him. At first the youngster did, but as he grew older he found the precautions and care which he had to take of his voice almost unbearable. The professor was strict about his not going out at night, would only allow him "to drink "this and that beverage, and altogether hedged him around with extraordinary, and possibly irritating, commands. At length Eeid rebelled. He didn't think it was necessary to do as he was told, believed his voice would survive a beer or two without collapse, and in fact went his own way. The result was as Sir Julius had foretold. At twenty the young man had a remarkable, though not a wonderful, voice and instead of Italian opera he had to take to ballad singing. Eeid's great season was, if we remember rightly, when he was Moore and Burgess' primo tenore, and fetched all London to hear " Please give me a penny, sir." Subsequently we think he joined the Liverpool Ohristys.at St..

James' Hall, and then we saw him no more till we met him out here. His voice is still a marvellous one, and, heard for the first time, holds people spell-bound. What it might have been had the owner taken care of it, who can tell ?

Some queer stories are told as to the peculiar behaviour of some of our local plutocrats towards their Maori guests. While these exalted magnates were spouting florid and grandiloquent sentiments, smelling distinctly of the midnight oil, and gushing with what Marsh would call " pure love and affection " towards their dear dark brethren, their behaviour was such as to prove beyond doubt that their utterances were hollow and hypocritical. At one place where Tawhiao and his chiefs were entertained alfresco, it is reported that a number of policemen were judiciously distributed among the guests in order to restrain their supposed thievish propensities. We do not vouch for this as a fact, but the information comes from a gentleman who was present on the occasion, who is sure that he recognised the policemen, and regarded the measure as an insult to the guests of both races. Another feature which did not escape the observation of the natives, and which unmistakably showed that the hosts' professions of brotherly love and equality were insincere, was the fact that the ladies of the family and their female friends held aloof from the Maoris during the luncheon, and carefully gathered up their skirts whenever any of the chiefs approached them.

Another prominent feature in the proceedings was the fussy anxiety displayed by some members of the Eeception Committee to engross and monopolise the society of Tawhiao, Te Wahanui, and other loading chiefs. There was a perfect game of cross-purposes between some of the socalled ton for the post of gold-stick-in-waiting to Tawhiao, leading to no little jealousy and bickering. Indeed, we hear that two of our leading citizens exchanged high words over the matter, one of them, by virtue of some supposed influence with the natives from the fact of his having paid the funeral expenses of a certain chief, endeavouring to take precedence of our Lord Mayor. So jealous were the bear-leaders of any interference with their pets that they told off a number of interpreters and touts to watch them in their peregrinations about the town, and prevent their being contaminated by communication with any European under the rank of a Government official or landshark. One gentleman, occupying a high social position, did succeed in breaking through this system of surveillance, and invited Tawhiao and his principal chiefs to visit his residence and partake of his hospitality. The invitation was accepted and a day fixed, but meantime the affair came to the ears of some of the Reception Committee. On the day appointed for the visit, Tawhiao and the other invited chiefs were quietly smuggled away to the North Shore on some pretext or other, and the appointment was broken. What shall we say of the execrably bad taste of people who would connive at such a breach of good manners on the part of men for vrhom they pretend to act the part of " guide, philosopher, and friend" ? The only reason we can discover for spoiling the visit was that the gentleman who had issued the invitations is a prominent supporter of Sir G-eorge Grey.

Mr Labouchere, writing in Truth of December Ist., says : — "I have received several letters in regard to an extract that I published recently from the Scotsman, stating that Messrs Moody and Sankey received £700 per month during their ' mission ' to England. My correspondents say that the preaching of those gentlemen does a vast deal of good, and whilst some of them justify the amount that the preachers receive on the ground that 'our immortal souls are of more value than an opera song,' others deny that their salaries are £700 per month. When I published the extract above referred to, I asked if it were true or not ? Without entering into the question whether their preaching does or does not do good, it must be obvious that, if the two American gentlemen were to receive £700 per month, as a condition of preaching in England, it would be open to question whether they were actuated by a love of our souls, or by a desire to fulfil an excessively remunerative engagement. When the Apostles went abroad to preach the gospel, but small attention would have been vouchsafed to them had it come out that they received from an association in Jerusalem 1931 denarii and one sestertius per month for their ministrations."

Some new chunis appear to entertain peculiar notions of the fitness of things in a new colony. Accustomed all their lives to the wretched penury and pinching economy of the old country, and as yet new to the free open ways of the Colony, they are apt to take offence at anything which they construe into a want of attention. For instance, two new chums, who had made a pedestrian excursion to Henderson's Mill, called on their way back at an hotel, which they reached between nine and ten o'clock. Both being total abstainers, they did not call for anything to drink, but asked the landlord to supply them with a sitting room and a fire. The landlord offered to prepare supper, apologising, however, for the scantiness of his larder at that late hour. " Never mind supper," replied one of the visitors, "we have brought our own tea and sugar and provisions ; we only want a fire and a kettle of water." Naturally the landlord did not care to incur the trouble of lighting a fire for such unprofitable customers, and the visitors departed, after giving vent to some uncomplimentary remarks on our colonial ways. Had these men had any experience they would have managed to boil their own " billy," instead of trying to consume the hotelkeeper's firewood and time for nothing.

We are to have another £5,000,000 Loan, and more public works and immigration. Doubtless, we shall also soon liave the usual concomitants of colonial borrowing — depxitationing, petitions, agitation, delegations to the seat of Government, log-rolling, and all the other things that follow in the train, like the vultures that follow in the wake of an army during a campaign. The mention of

a new loan acts like a galvanic shock on the body politic, revivifying the most torpid members, and stirring them into vigorous life and action. The demand for railways springs tip as if by magic. There is not a settlement from Invercargill to the " North Cape, that does not suddenly awake to the knowledge that it possesses inexhaustable/resources, that it has been grossly neglected and villainously robbed of its fair share of public expenditure, and that nothing but a railway will readjust the balance, and save the Ministry of the day from eternal infamy. In view of the coming scramble a gentleman who has devoted himself to this interesting and exciting branch of art ever since the Public Works and Immigration policy was first launched, has furnished us with a number of useful hints on the art of logrolling, which will serve as a kind of vade mecttm for those districts which intend to compete in the coming struggles. It gives in a concise form a clear and reliable guide to the art of working a railway swindle.

It is called " Leaves from a Log-rgller's Logbook ; or how to work the oracle." "We quote the following: — "Traveller arrived at "Bushman's Arms " pub. Who is he ? Bill Lumpkins had a drink with him last night. He is a land speculator. Chairman of Highway Board and of School Committee gone to interview him. Traveller says we have splendid district, grand resources, magnificent future — only want a railway. Chairman Board decided convene public meeting. Five men and four small boys present. Eesolutions to Minister Public Works passed unanimously. Long report sent to " Weekly Ploughman and Cockatoo's G-uardian," and published. Minister Works says recognises importance of work, will keep matter steadily in view. — Deputationed our member. He says it is a work of paramount colonial importance. Whole future prosperity of colony depends on it. He will never sleep till he secures the railway. Parliament met. Our Minister begged to ask Minister of Works whether it is the intention of the Grovernment to place on the estimates for the current financial year a vote of £1,000,000 for the construction of a main trunk line of railway from. No-mans-land to Ultima Thule. Minister says matter will come under consideration of Cabinet at early date. End of session approaching, no vote. More public meetings and resolutions. Long report and slashing leader in " Ploughman." Session ended, no vote. Another public meeting &c, &c. Minister Works promises send engineer. Parliament again met. Deputationed member, public meetings, leading articles, indignation, fireworks. Our member moved that address be presented to His Excellency the Governor praying him to place the sum of £750,000 on the estimates for the construction of a railway from — &c 5 &c. Minister of Works promises to make a preliminary survey and keep object steadily in view. Session ended. No vote. Engineer visited district. Insulted by a drunken man at " Bushman's Arms." Understood Engineer has reported that line is impracticable. Another indignation meeting, more fireworks. Resolutions calling upon our member to resign. He declines. Swears he will never rest until wishes of his constituents are complied with. Another Session of Parliament. We send Crasser, Softhead, and Weazel, as delegates to Wellington. Our member asks whether it is intention of Grovernment to place a sum of £500,000 on the estimates, &c, &c. Minister^ Works says matter will come under consideration of Cabinet at early date. Another engineer sent# up. Local fife and drum band plays " See the Conquering Hero Comes," procession of -Highway Board and School Committee, &c, banquet. Engineer reports line easy of construction. Would open up extensive and valuable area of waste lands. — £30,000 for survey

Six months passed. No surrey. Another public meeting. More fireworks. Minister of Works visits district. Grand banquet, ball, torchlight procession, addresses, &c, &c. Two hundred deputations in two days. He promises to lay the matter before his colleagues on his return to Wellington. Another session. Vote lapsed. More public meetings. Leading articles and letters in " Weekly Ploughman," pyrotechnics. Demand for separation. Petition four miles long. More delegates to Wellington. Our member moves, &c. Minister of Works says necessary plans being prepared. Work will be proceeded with vigorously whenever necessary funds are available — £3000 voted. — Another engineer arrived — feted, &c, &c. Men out with theodolite, and chains. Fifteen pages stuck in. Corner lots gone np fifty per cent. Suburban land 30, rural land 20 per cent. New store and blacksmiths shop. Another pub. Leading articje in "Weekly Ploughman" on marvellous progress of district. Another session. £25,000 lapsed. More indignation meetings, &c, &c. Our member asks, &c. Minister of Works says no funds available for the work. Government will propose further loan after elections. — Elections. Our former JGreyite member at bottom of the poll. Wyndham Flipper, Ministerialist, elected. Army of engineers and surveyors sent up. Trig stations and pegs all over the country. Enormous claims for compensation. Line surveyed right through, the " Bushman's Arms," and '' Chisslem's store." Land again gone up. No comer sections in the market. Long leader on progress of district in "Ploughman." Parliament meets. No confidence motion. Our member asks "whether it is the intention of the Government to place a sum of £100,000 on the estimate. Minister Works says "certainly, Government fully aware of importance of this great colonial work. Will be commenced immediately. Division. — Our member votes with the Government. Great rejoicings. £80,000 voted. Eailway begun. Glory, hallehrjah!" — P.S. — Our member and the land speculator are partners in the biggest block of land through which the line passes.

Many of our readers may have noticed a modest funeral going along Queen-street last Friday, drawn by a black liorse and unattended, There is a snort but painful history attached.to it. The occupant of the kauri coffin was a;. ; young man in the full vigor of life, who had, ill .;

fact, called at this office only the day previous to his untimely end. We were busy when he entered, but, stopping our work, we inquired of him in a gentle voice the nature of his business. He said, " I have come to ask if^ you need contributors. My fort is amusing stones and original paragraphs. Here is one I Bhould like to sell, which I made up over my breakfast. Why is a man who takes a free lunch at an hotel a good weather indicator? Because he is a barometer (bar-room-eater) . Dye see it ?" They were his last words on earth. There was a dull thud, a crushed skull, and as we hung the office club up again, and ordered the boy to send for an undertaker and wash up the floor, we resumed our work, musing fitfully on the uncertainty of human life.

A. gentleman was standing the other evening towards 9 p.m., in one of the back streets in the neighbourhood of Chancery-lane, when he was somewhat brusquely hustled by a passing figure. With a quick instinct, he clapped his hand to his watchpocket. His watch was gone ! He darted after the thief, who turned sharply round, at the same time clutching a Avatch " Give me that watch !" A dash ! — the stolen property was recovered. The startled pickpocket disappeared, and the gentleman went home to boast of his adventure and his prowess. What was his consternation, on entering his bedroom, to find his own watch, which ho had forgotten to put on, staring him in the face from the mantlepiece ! He had been the thief, and the other wretched man had stumbled over him in the dark, and when overtaken and stopped was merely clutching his own watch, which, he had not the nerve to rescue from the stranger. That gentleman is now known to a wide and admiring circle of friends as "the Bandit of Chancery Lane."

Mr Robertson, of tlie Theatre Royal, Wellington, writes a long letter in reference to tlie performance given at the North Shore in aid of the Regatta Fund. He says that Mr Dacre asked the Auckland Dramatic Society to give a performance, and promised to " see them through," but as the society already had one on hand, it was decided at a meeting that the Bohemian Club, comprised chiefly of North Shore people, should give their second performance in aid of the fund. Professional aid was called in and there was every prospect of a bumper house. One of the committee offered £30 for it, but the gross cash receipts at the door amounted to only £2 15s 6d, making with tickets, &c, £7 3s Gd, while the expenses and professional fees amounted to £7 with extras. Mr Robertson says he paid Cullimore out of his own pocket, and also the stage hand, a sum of 30s. Mr Robertson thought the committee should defray the cost of scenepainting and Miss Dudor's fee, but they failed utterly to fulfil their jjart of the contract, and made the performance a fiasco by not attempting to dispose of tickets. Personally, Mr Robertson says he is £4i 2s 6cl out of pocket, and on his arrival in Wellington Mr Grillon demanded a fee of £2 for "Checkmate," which has been paid. The performance had nothing whatever to do with the A.D.S., but was strictly a North Shore affair, the bill being distinctly worded " Bohemian Dramatic Club."