BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 72, 28 January 1882, Page 316

BRIEF MENTION

tawhiao has a half-caste half -brother. The average Aucklander is too proud to beg and too honest to steal, so be gets bings on "tick." A science understood by the Maoris — Fleabotamy. " Frog " Ridings is becoming quite a dab hand at lawn-teuuis. Mr Crowther own. 150 horses and 40 conveyances of every description. Moody and'Sankey arc receiving £700 a month during their present tour iv Britain. Palaver — Josiah's reference to Mount Eden lava. Fancy a Pope visiting the godless secular schools ! Audran's opcra-bouffe, "La Mascotte," is the greatest success since " Madame Angot." Walter Reynolds has opened his season at Hobart very prosperously with n Ould Erin-" " Puck " says Mr Fred. Marshall has engaged the whole of his present Melbourne Princess's Company for his New Zealand tour. The ship Roman Empire is larger than the Wellington, but for comfort and appearance cannot be compared to her. The Northern Advocate was stopped for a fortnight only, pending arrangements for its issue in an improved form. Mr P. Connell, the genial boniface of Alexandra, accompanied the royal party to Auckland at Tawhiao's request. Mr Dunningham has presented Tawhiao with a boar. Some people think the reception was a bore altogether. Why has not Tawhiao been taken to visit the Aucklaud Soap Factory F Because he has already had enough of soft-soap. A list of the Auckland Grammar School boys, from the foundation of that seminary to the present time (a period of 14 years) has just been published. Mr Gray intends sending his wife (Miss Mena Muriellc) over to Melbourne or Sydney to complete her musical training. A so i disant member of the theatrical profession assercs that not a single company has made money in Auckland since the Lingards were here. Wanted. — A regular correspondent for the Observer at New Plymouth. Apply, by letter to the editor. Tawhiao saw various factories in the city ; but none of them, he says, came up to the olfactory treat he enjoyed at the Whare IVaiata on Friday last ! There is a " sharp " boy wanted for the bookbinding at the Herald office. They evidontlj mean to cut the edges of the books with him. The latest triumph of civilisation — several of Tawhiao's retinue using opera-glasses at the Theatre on Friday night. Miss Leaf has gone to Melbourne under an engagement to an Australian impressario whose name has not yet transpired. George Cook denies that Garrett bought him the white belltopper. He has, however, got a new piano, and. sings " Little Sally Waters" beautifully. ' Mr Macdonald was indefatigable in his efforts to promote the comfort and amusement of the guests at the Railway Picnic on Saturday. One of our contemporaries writes sagely on the evil of "pigs and other offensive matter" being discharged at the wharf. Rough on the pigs, isn't it ? Tawhiao's visit to Messrs Garretts factory was not a bootless one ; and the present he receive was a very appropriate symbol of a good understanding ! " Civil hairdresser " is the legend over a barber's shop in Queen-street. There is, perhaps, a little point after the " C," but it isn't a point of much importance. Who is responsible for the slight cast on the Protestant clergy in omitting te invite them to the Choral Hall banquet, when Roman Catholic clergymen were present, and took part in the proceedings ? Just say " Fish oh !" to any of the gourmands who attended Tawhiao's banquet, and then stand and note the deadly paleness that will o'erspread their features. Tawhiao was given the preference of riding to Mangare in a cab or in Mr Crowther's new family coach. . He informed the interpreter that he preferred the latter, as it was " a new canoe." A young new-chum, now in the employ of a Mangere settler, recently walked from Tauranga to Wellington, aud back to Auckland, in search of work. That young man deserves to get on. An old man out at the Whau wants to get hold of the handsome son-in-law of the big merchant, who borrowed his hammer to go oystering a few Sundays ago and didn't return it. Mr Dunning says he has arranged to bring the popular "Tambour Major" company to New Zealand, but " Puck," of the Dunedin "Witness, doesn't credit the statement. The conservative native tohungas say that Tawhiao has lost his mana. by going among the Europeans. In fact, to put it plainly, he has been partaking of the mana of unrighteousness in a most disgraceful mana. There was a very good band at the Eailway Picnic last Saturday — at least it would have been good but for the misdirected energy of the drummer, who kept up a perpetual and most painful bang-bang through everything. Hannaford's latest edition to his omnium gatherum business is " Registry and General Intelligence Office." Right, by Jingo! At any rate there have never been signs of any special "intelligence" in that quarter ! Mr Morrin, finding there was no food worth the name to be got at the Choral Hall feed on Thursday week, arose and took a number of gentlemen to the Club, where they fared far better than the unfortunates left behind. Eighteen years ago two men came to Auckland. One started iv business as a grocer in a very onehorse way, and the other found employment as shopboy. These two men are now the proprietors of two of the largest wholesale businesses here. It is stated in well-informed circles that a wellknown leather merchant will shortly deliver a lecture on ".The Wrongs of Ireland." It is further stated that Mr Tole was asked to take the chair, but declined, having had quite enough of Land League niestings. As Joe Ellis sadly and silently led Lone Hand away from the Green Lane station after returning from his fruitless expedition to the Cambridge races, a cruel bystander advised the good old sport to " take his beast home and boil it down." Joe looked unutterable things, but said nothing. The Maoris were tired to death on Saturday night, and would have much preferred to give up the fireworks andrest quietly at the Governor Browne. The native mind does not understand being dragged about sight seeing from morning till night, f hey like to do things quietly and methodically. At St. Mary's annual parochial meeting tlie other evening the statutary business was disposed of in double-quick time, but the bigwigs of tho parish drew the meeting out to a respectable length by proposing votes of thanks and slobbering each other over in a truly exemplary and Christian manner. At the " banquet " the other night in the Choral Hall, the menu was written in English and Maori. Those in the native language were written by '• Mr H. Ellis with the electric pen on embossed cards in gold, cjrimson, and other colours. Some persons .' were cruel enough to remark that the bills-of-fare were : . the best part of the banquet. 5 jviV.'lf "Lotti Wilmot is leaving the Colony in disgust, . i ; '_ti is satisfactory' to know that we shall still have a V. .« Ghost" among us. Therois a Mr Ghost announced m s__}fipassenger for New Zealand by the steamer Mirza- ,. .pore. , now quarantined at Adelaide. Don't let your fkf Spirits " go down !

I The Messrs Garrett Bros, have offered a reward of '£'20 for the conviction of the persons who defaced the front door of their premises in Wakefieldstreet, and it is to be hoped tbey will have to pay the reward. Mr Eobertson writes us a long letter from Wellington stating that tbe performance at the North Shore in aid of the Regatta Fund was given by the Bohemian Club, and not by the Auckland Dramatic Society. The letter is too long for this issue. There once was a king called Tawhiao, Who came down the pakebas to see, O ! They served him a dish Of most flavoiiry lish, And they thought tbat it might make him flee, O! But a hardy old king is Tawhiao ! The latest dodge for setting up in business is as follows : — Hire a small room in a back street ; furnish it with a chair, a tablf , a bottle of ink, a pen, and a piece of blotting-paper. Then announce on a board outside, in large gilt letters, that this is the office of " The Auckland and All the World Loan and Discount Company, Limited" — and your fortune' s made. Try it. It seems surprising that no one thought of inviting- our Maori visitor, to view tiic Parnell Soap Works. Soap is an article of rather rare use among the unsophisticated children of nature, and the sight of large quantities of it would have acted beneficially by impressing them with the important part which cleanliness occupies in pakeha civilisation. Mr Dallen sends us a letter of explanation re the Choral Hall fiasco, but as the only excuses he puts forward are those which we have allowed in the remarks in our leading columns, we think it unnecessary to publish the epistle at length. Next week, if he has any reply to make to our strictures, we shall be happy to give him fair play. It was a touching and beautiful sight to see Mr Dufaur nursing the "latest addition" to Tawhiao's family on Saturday. Our informant has not yet ascertained the cause of Mr D.'s hasty surrender of the dusky babe to its maternal parient, aud his subsequently expeditious flank movement into the scrub. Anyhow, Mr D. is not now so fond of children as he used to be. A man, found on the kitchen stairs in the house" of Sir Ral_>h Lingeu, Westbourne Crescent, London, explained that a carpenter had bet him he could not pass through the house from back to front without detection. He tried it about four in the morning, but the carpenter was evidently right, and, seeing that he had in his possession a choice collection of burglar's tools, tho magistrate committed him for trial. Bets of tbis sort are quite too too utterly consummate. " Strayed into my paddock " is the beginning of the notice, and it ends — " Wm. Absolum, poundkeeper, Otahuhu." This occurrence is noteworthy — i •yea, pound -note-worthy ! " Oh, Absolum, my son, my j son !" I fear me thou art related to the Highlandman | famed in proverbial wisdom who found a pair of tongs — j where they were not lost ! Must have been a blind old nag to stray into the poundkeeper's paddock, eh ? j Might be worth a Yorkshireman's while to settle at | Otahuhu ! Paddy Doran's entertainment to Tawhiao on I Friday evening last, was not half a bad affair. We think, however, the natives would have liked to see more of Paddy himself, aud a boisterous negro farce or two might have been introduced with advantage. Mettam Bros, and James Elder bore off the honours of the evening, and Tom Margett's sons-s were appreciated by the European part of the audience. The naturally observant nature of the Maori mind was illustrated at the Mayor's garden party. The ! wine-glasses laid at the end of the talile at which were I seated Tawhiao, Manuhiri, and other leading chiefs, were red-coloured, while those at the other end were blue. The natives at once concluded that it was a kiud i of " above-and-below-the-salt " distinction, one rangatira even going so far as to object to use a taurikariha's | (slave's) glass. Some misguided European Philistines attending Tawhiao's banquet were absolutely foolish enough to hiss the toast of " The Governor." At any time such an iusult to the Queen's representative would have been gross and ill-bred, but taking into consideration the nature of the guests, it was absolutely unforgivable. The natives will naturally say " Many of the Europeans themselves don't respect their rulers, and yet thoy want us to do so." When Mr Firth intimated to the Reception Committee that he had invited the Maori King to his castellated home at Mount Eden, the Mayor very quietly "sat on" him for not sending his invitation through tbe Reception Committee. The big miller bounced at first, and said nothing would be easier than to withdraw the invite ; but finally his Worship carried his point, and the dusky potentate was in no small way exercised at.receiving a second invitation to Mr Firth's feed. One of the Observer's funny contributors, embittered by a life-long manufacture of jokes and the fiendish pursuit of puns, once impaled a baleful gibe ou the partner of his sorrows at the close of a washing day, whilst she was preparing the frugal evening meal. The good wife promptly smote him over his broad brow with a stew-pan. The dying man cried out as he fell, with a gleam of immortal triump iv his eyes, " Stewpandous joke !" aud so passed away to a world where wit comes natural. Once upon a time, when Jim Billings was a little boy, his mamma gave him an apple, out of which Jim promptly took a big bite. " Well, what do you say for it _ " said mamma, reproachfully. Jim took another bite at the apple, but said nothing. After a pause mamma said, "James, dear, won't you have a plate H" Then Jim said, "No." "Dear, dear!" said mamma, "is that the way you speak? No what, my child ?" "Nod d fear!" said Jim, with remarkable energy and distinctness, and mamma fainted. Bent and Bachelder's Christy Minstrels liave beon drawing large and appreciative audiences at the Lome-street Hall. Each performer is a star-artiste, aud there are few in New Zealand who have not heard of Wm. Horace Beut, one of the best delieuators of negro character in the world. The comicalities of the company bring forth unbounded applause, and as their stay is limited to two nights more we certainly would advise those who wish to indulge in a hearty laugh to pay a visit to the Lorue-street Hall. The Melbourne papers are unanimous in praise of Pollard's juveniles, wbo, however, fail to draw. The Bulletin says of them :— " We were agreeably surprised to find tbat anything so good could be accomplished by juveniles. The performers are the best juveniles ever seen in Melbourne, and the opera is rendered iv a manner that would do credit to a collection of superior operatic singers. They are all stars in their own way, and the acting, as well as the singing, is highly finished." It predicts that young Sallinger, if capably trained, will develop into a great exponent of histrionic' art. Strange to say, a report found credence in Hobart for some days that little Julia Simmonds had died in Melbourne. The clever little woman, however, is all right, and was playing Germaine when the mail left. " The Black Knight" has been emulating the effort of the poet of the Sail Francisco Newsletter, whose effusion we published last week (we should say "wique"), with the following result *— There was a youug Ponsonby beau, Who thought his attire rather sleau ; So he spent a pound note On a dashing new cote, With brass buttons all in a reau ! Still a load on his bosom did weigh, And his thoughts very often would-streigh. j By a Newton fair meighed His affections were s weighed, And he feared that she might say him Neigh ! He worked at the coach-building treighed, And on Sundays the organ he pleighed ; He was handsome and spry, And had not long to sy For the hand of his Newton fair meighed ! So he won hor and wed her, although He was always afraid she'd say Nough ! Now he walks out at night Filled with happiness quight, With his six children all in a rough — This once dashing PonsonbyTxmgii ! " Brevity is the soul of wit," but no one has ever accused the Star's " Scintillations " of being witty \ productions. This week, however, the love of brevity j has nearly caused our contemporary to stumble into a j witticism. A paragraph states that — " The axle of tho eleven o'clock Ponsonby- 'bus broke on Saturd.y night near the three lamps." Anyone knows what is meant by a Ponsonby 'bus, or a Ponsonby anything-else ; but '■ " eleven-o'clock-Pon sonby " is a rather puzzling com- j

pound adjective. The sentence has probably got mixed un. It should perhaps read—" The eleven o'clock axle of the Ponsonby 'bus," or rather "The three lamps of the eleventh axle of the Ponsonby clock broke on the 'bus near Saturday night." No ; it can't make sober sense any way, so it must be a joke. But where the laughter comes iv is rather hard to see, unless it is in the implied "moral" that eleven o'clock Ponsonby 'busses, like eleven o'clock Ponsonby pedestrians, are apt to be rather shaky on a Saturday night, aud to come to grief by mistaking one lamp for three ! If this isn't it, perhaps the " jokist " will explain. A correspondent is very indignant about some remarks which appeared in our issue of the 7th inst. re Mr Hitchcock's eccentric canonicals and pronunciation of "Hear endeth tho first lesson" at the St. Matthews' service on Xmas Day. He says the rev. gentleman's canonicals were strictly correct, and that the eccentric pronunciation attributed to him is mere moonshine. We can confirm the latter part of the statement ourselves, for we have heard Mr Hitchcock conduct service several times, and never noticed anything out of the ordiuary in his maimer. To tlie Editor : Deal' sii*, 1 was m\xeli surprised and annoyed to see two young fellows (presumably gentlemen) avail themselves of the confusion prevailing on the ferry steamer during the firework exhibition on Saturday evening last, to take (I don't like to say steal) one of the valuable Huia feathers out of Ta.whiao's hat. It-mr.y have been done only as a joke, but it was not a nice joke ; and if any of the natives saw tlie act (which heaven forbid), it must have given them but a poor idea of European honesty.— l am, etc., A Resident op Kaipara. The absurdly infantine newly-married couple who honoured the Railway Picnic with their presence, on Saturday last, should be sent to school again to learn manners. The conduct of the boy-husband in slamming the door of the carriage frequently and irritably, merely because he couldn't have the place to himself all the way home, was bad enough ; but it became far worse when a kiudly old lady passenger remonstrated with him. Instead of accepting the rebuke like a gentleman, he answered after the manner of a rude and bad-tempered boy. Indeed, some of the others present felt inclined to give bim a sound spanking, and only refrained for his poor wife's sake. - The News Letter comments in a truly American fashion on the fact of tbe Baroness Burdett-Coutts having resigned her interest in Coutts' Bank. It says, " This step will cost her more money than the_ writer of tbese lines can make in a whole week, and will furnish enough fun to American paragrnphists to last them for six months. For our own part, we don't see much fun nbout the incident, nor probably does Mr Baroness Burdett-Coutts-Bartlett. At all events, it is proof positive that the old lady's affection for her young husband is sincere, and that is more than most wives can saj r now-a-days. She bought him and paid a high price for him. If ever there was a "dear" husband, it is Mr Baroness 8.-C.-B. Brethren of the press, let us leave Wrinkles and Fluff to their own enjoyment. Each of tliem is to be deeply pitied." "How many feet have Auckland horses usually got ?" asks a bewildered correspondent. "I have read about a colt being " leggy," but had no idea that the phrase might mean that it had more than the usual complement of limbs. Now, however, the terrible possibility begins to dawn on me. I have beon reading the Herald advertisements, and find that there is a bay mare strayed having " two white front feet." Now, if the animal has two white feet in front, the wording leaves it to be inferred that she has other front feet of a bay colour. Another wandering bay mare is described as having ' one white off fore-foot, and one near white hind-foot.' What I would like to know, you know, is how many near hind-feet and off fore-feet the animal has got ; and for purpose of identification the different colours might also be given. Snakes alive ! If the bay mares in this district bave an unlimited supply of 011---and-off aud fore-and-aft feet, it is no wonder that they develop a propensity for straying !" The Maori version of "Who Killed Cock Robin " has the following among other elegant lines :— Who brought down Tawhiao ? "I," said Leech Hill, " With my potion and pill, I brought down Tawhiao !" Who trotted him round ? " I," said the Mayor, " Though I didn't half care, I trotted him round !" Who gave him fun ? " I," said Pat Doran, Whose accent is forran, — " Bedad, I giv' him some fun." Who *whakamaori' d the talk ? " I," said Jim Mackay, " I was the King's lackey, — I whakamaori'd the talk !" * Whakamaori— To interpret. Who lodged Tawhiao ? "I," said the Major j The North Shore old stager,— " I lodged Tawhiao !" Who bungled the Icai ? " I," replied D— l— n, Looking rather chopfallen, — " I bungled the kai !" Who fed him aright ? Says floury Firth, " There's in Eden no dearth — I fed him aright !" And so on. We dare say our readers can spin out this kind of thing to suit their separate tastes. To the Editor : Sir, — I feel that a paragraph in your last week's issue referring to the treatment asserted to have been received recently by a lady at the hands of tbe stewards of the s.s. Glenelg, demands a reply from me. Your correspondent states that the lady, above referred to, was refused a bed, though she •believed there were several of the bunks unoccupied at the time. The stewardess informed me she has never refused any lady a bunk while there was an empty one in the cabin. In the event of all the berths being occupied, passengers are supplied with rugs and blankets, and made as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. As to feeing a stewardess in order to ensure necessary civility and attention, such a thing is quite unknown. Some ladies, however, do make a present to the stewardess at tbe termination of the voyage, but the instances on record of such beneficence aro pretty rare and oasis-like. Auy passenger, who has been impolitely treated by a stewardess or steward, knows that redress is easily obtained on complaining to the captain or providore; and, no such complaint having been made to my charge, or to that of auy of my employes during the time I have been engaged in the calling of a providore — now twelve years— l can only conclude, fully believing in the truth of our greatest intellectual giant's daily verified . aphorism, " be thou as chaste as ice and as pure as snow, thou sbalt not escape calumny," that your correspondent's informant has, for no tangible reason, acted in a purely malevolent spirit. Not long since, a lady, accompanied by no other companion but a well-filled flask of ardent spirits, did travel by the Glenelg. The said lady and her companion communed very frequently during the passage, so often, iv fact, that the latter was finally rendered devoid of any attraction for the formerbecoming exhausted as it wero. This lamentable occurrence came to pass about twelve o'clock at night. The lady passenger ' then sought _ consolation and companion— ship elsewhere ; having called the stewardess she ordered brandy, which was duly supplied, but the quantity evidently failed to afford the needed consolation, for at ' 2 a.m. she again called the stewardess and asked for more brandy. The latter informed her that the steward, who held possession of tbe keys of the bar, had retired to rest some time previously, and therefore no brandy could be procured until daylight, whereupon the lady passenger, in a very unlady-like manner, abused the stewardess, avowing before quitting the steamer that she would " make it hot for her ! " Ido not, at all, infer that your correspondents informant and the lady to whom I have -alluded are acquainted, or even reside in the same town, but— well, it looks suspicious. By the publication of the above you will oblige.— Yours respectfully, M. McLeod, Providore, s.s. Glenelg. SA. c have enquired into tho above statenfents and thorn absolutely correct. Our Tauranga contributor has apparently been deliberately misled by his correspondent, who was, in our opinion, a u&ted by spiteful motives in writing to him.— Ed. Obs.J