BRIEF MENTION

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 71, 21 January 1882, Page 300

BRIEF MENTION

The Northern Advocate is 1 defunct. _ • " We're not quite so chummy as that " is the title of a comic song now the rage in London. A quite-toe-utterly toe-toe complaint — the gout. Once a man turns deaf he may well give up all hope. For him there is no hear-after. Fools keep racehorses. Wise men lay against them. Camilla TJrso was playing in New York in November. Carden and Dick Thatcher have made up their differences. The Dunedin Herald defines the "Independent " members as those who " watch and prey." To judges and journalists — Make your sentencs light. Aphorism for our Auckland belles— "Be flirtuous and you will be happy." The D.'s, of College-road, gave a children's party on Thursday week, which was most successful and enjoyable. Mr Thomson (Miss Carrie Godfrey's husband), has had a dispute with Mr Chas. Turner, which will, in all probability, lead to legal proceedings. An action for breach of promise of marriage in which a well-known M.H.E. will be defendant, is on the cards. The Montague-Turner Opera troupe will make a poor fist of Maritana and Lucrezia Borgia without Carrie Godfrey. Though women always wish to have as good a husband as possible, we never remember a wedding in which the bride married the best man. An article headed, " A Bridegroom in Distress," is held over tilfnext issue in order to give us time to ascertain the full facts of the case. The Dunedin Echo, in naming a list of members capable of holding seats in the next Cabinet, mentions Messrs Dargaville and Moss. Marshall's pantomime at the Princess's, Melbourne, is not an overwhelming success, though the scenery by Gordon is said to be simply superb. Charlie says he'd much rather try and take a bull by the horns than try and take that thirsty soul, Jack, by the Occidental. ""Bunny wants a billet. They ought to give him a place in some Borough (burrow). He is responsible for a good deal of the b(u)orrowing. Jim Spry is to sing " Let me like a- soldier fall" in the forthcoming "Maritana" concert. Ye gods and little fishes, what a treat there is in store for you ! The Ponsonby belle who has given up rinking and dancing for the sake of riding with the Eev. T. Spurgeon should know that ho is not a man to be deceived by feminine wiles. We understand the tenders for the Govern - ment baths at Eotorua were opened on the 16th inst. The lowest tender was an Auckland one (accepted), viz., £1575. Another revival is on the tapis. AMr Harrison, an evangelist and singer a la Sankey, is expected this week, and will probably commence operations in about a fortnight. It is said that Te Ngakau does not entirely approve of the visit of the Kingites to Auckland, and would have preferred that the Europeans should have come to Hikurangi or Kopua. The youngsters of Cary's "Pirates" troupe are not so jolly looking as our old friends the Pollards' lot; but, of course, we must not judge from outside appearances. " You must haye a nice comfortable mattress to sleep upon," remarked Billy. " Why ?" said the Vulcan-lane Ananias. " Because you lie so easily," was the reply. And then the two friends got mixed. Overheard in a Parnell 'bus last week. " I did not hnow that the captain had got a wife." " Oh, yes, he has." "When was he married?" "He was never married, it is another man's wife." " Lie still, Bridget," said Pat to his wife when the burglars got into the house ; " an' ef the spalpeens foind anything, bejabers we'll get up and take it away from 'em." " So she refused you," we said, sympathisingly, when he brought us the sad news. " Why didn't you press her?" "Press her!" he screamed. "Why, she wouldn't let me take her hand." It is currently reported that the Government have decided to propose another 5,900,000 loan to Parliament next session. Truly, New Zealand is doing her best to justify the title of "The Great Loan Land." The Rev. Mackintosh, from Dunedin, preached at St. James' on Sunday evening last, and proved a great draw. The Eev. E. F. will not gain in popularity here by his billot-hunting tour down south. A resident in Upper Symonds-street complains that the Health Officer is badly wanted in that locality, a number of honseholders having abominably dirty habits. A servant girl when applying to a lady residing in Liverpool-street for a situation, stipulated that she must have two evenings in the week to herself as she was learning 'ow to nlay the pianner." An up-country clergyman, while discoursing on the petition of Dives that Lazarus would dip his finger ' in water and cool his tongue, spoke of it as " this apparently reasonable, but under the circumstances, totally inadmissible request." 5< Do as I do. Live within your income," said Mr J. C. Firth to a new chum, who was bewailing his poverty. " That's all very well," replied the stranger. " But if you did as I do, you'd have to live without your income." Tearney, who found the stranded whale at Lucns Creek, will make over £50 out of the oil alone, and perhaps another £50 should he feel inclined to exhibit the monster. " Very little whale about that, my lord !"— Shakespeare. The Maoris are singularly superstitious with regard to omens. Thus when they came down to Orakei they laid much stress on the fact that the weather was fine, with a bright sunshine, which they regarded as an omen of peace and. prosperity. The Kaeo Jockey Club cannot expect the public to patronise the grand-stand while they allow the steps to be crowded by a lot of loafers and Maoris. It is rather hard upon those who pay to have to struggle up to their seats through this crowd. The handsome cashier of one of our wholesale warehouses might have been seen on the departure of the Glenelg from the wharf last Thursday bidding a frantic adieu to a beauteous damsel who was leaving town for an indefinite period. Barnsley, the Quarantine Superintendant, is a humourist." In his letter to the authorities on Monday, ho said, " " Everything is going on as well as possible. One of the smallpox patients has just cited. The two assertions in juxtaposition look really lovely. At a game of kiss-in-the-ring a certain gay Lothario, after throwing the handkerchief, determined to give the lady a run for it. He made for a fence, vaxilted over it like an athlete, and landed up to his neck in a muddy ditch. Then the subsequent proceedings interested him no more. "Lord . Beaconsfield cannot speak French fluently," according to an article in last Saturday's Star supplement. We guess not. Aboiit a year ago his Lordship kind of. gave up speaking— fluently or otherwise—in any of ths modern tongues. He now goes in for the dead languages !

The programme of the Auckland Regatta, as compared with that of the North Shore Eegatta, is unfavourable to the former. 'Tis really a pity that the A.E. Committee do not study their own interests a little less and those of the public a little more, for neglect in this respect is very likely to spoil the whole affair. " How is B. getting on in Melbourne ?" asked a friend of a mutual acquaintance. " Oh, he's all right! pulled off the double the other day." "Yes! did he back Zulu ?" " Oh, no ; he had a large fire, and has j ust gone through the Bankruptcy Court. Oh, he's all right— never better !" We have all read of a patient sticking a plaster on his clothes instead of his own breast ; but he was not more simple than the new-chum servant in a certain family, in Ponsonby, who had probably never before seen a box of safety matches. This guileless I innocent interpreted the direction, " Strike matches on the box," by trying to ignite them against her trunk. Mr Thomson intends taking his wife (Miss Carrie Godfrey) to Europe, in order that she may study at the schools of Paris and Milan. Miss Godfrey is only 17, and experts have recommended her retiring from the , stage for two years to study, after which it is confidently anticipated she will possess one of the finest and most cultivated contraltos to the world. It can't be true that " man wants but little here below." Here's somebody actually advertising-- " Wanted, a third hand." Now, while we might go the length of Mr Chas. Eead and vote for " ambidexterity," a third hand strikes us as being as preposterous as a third wheel to a cart. But perhaps the advertiser desires to drop back among the rinadruinana by easy stages ! Pigs have begun to fly, or else Mr Arthur is no authority. In his announcenieiit of auction sales of produce, &c, on Friday last, he notifies, under the heading of " Poultry," the following :— " Fowls, ducks, geese, young pigs, canaries, &c." After this Toby, the learned pig, may hide his diminished head. Probably the feathers of this new species of bird are those spoken of by Shakespeare as the "quills of the fretful porfcirpine !" It is consolatory to find that the race of Waterloo heroes at last threaten to die out. People had began to think they were going to live for ever. The last one was not actually at Waterloo, but had a hand in conveying "Boney" to St. Helena. By-and-bye we shall get down to the men who visited St. Helena after Nap's death, and then we shall see the beginning of the end of these fearfully tough old veterans, as well as the multitude of frauds who lived on the " Waterloo dodge." It is about time that Delias replaced the tawdrily bedizened and tarnished gilt-and-paint wooden affairs, which do service at the Theatre for chairs of state, with something fresh - looking and decently respectable. The owner of a marine store would turn ap his nose in disgust at two such crazy apologies for seats. Their most recent production was at the performance of "."Lucrezia Borgia" on Monday night. They assisted to travesty the whole scene, and certainly stimulated the mirth of the audience. " On every arm is the black crape bound, Every eye iy turned to the ground." This state of things exists at present in the Waikato, for Dick Swiveller has loft it for a time. His friends here expected to see a plump, middle-aged old horror ; instead of that a frisky youth appears, with a forelock nicely curled, and its proprietor does the block assiduously twice a day in company with his niter ego, the Sphinx. He is either looking for " the Marchioness " or trying to escape from Sally Brass. The French Literary Society, which, was formed in June last by Mr Ferdinand Peltzer, our local French master, has now over one hundred members on its roll, one-fourth part of whom are ladies. Great credit is due to the English members for their pluck in taking a leading part in French debates and essay-writing. The Society is in a most flourishing condition, and we notice that the second programme, which appears in our advertising columns, is more varied, attractive, and interesting than the first. Some of the newspaper reporters appear to be rapidly drifting into the spreadeagle style of literature. The fashion has grown up of dubbing the master of a twenty-ton cutter with the title of " Captain." One of the newspapers referred to " Mr Parker, commander of H.M. Customs' Launch." Perhaps the next thing we shall hear will be "the Lord High Admiral of the Harbour Board steam dredge," or the " vice-Admiral of the pilot boat." On Monday evening Cary's Juvenile Opera Company make their first appearance in Auckland at the Theatre Eoyal in Gilbert and Sullivan's " Pirates of Penzauce." We have before us some exceedingly flattering critiques from some of our Southern contemporaries, and from these we ax*e led to believe that the children's performances are of a high order of merit. Special mention is made of the groupings, scenery, and general mounting of the opera. We trust Mr Cary's season will prove a success! ul one. One of our "Waikato contemporaries indulged in a great cackle the other day over the wonderful results produced by the big investments in land in that district. The aim of the writer appeared to be to show that a nation had reached the acme of prosperity when it was rendered capable of maintaining a few head of cattle or sheep to the acre. The reverse of the picture, however, appeared in another column of the same paper, where it was stated that ordinary agricultural produce was being imported for local consumption from the South. Plunimer affects some skill in casuistry. During his trial for sending the threatening letters he essayed to confuse Dr Philson's servant girl by questioning her on the difference of meaning which exists between the words " knowledge" and "belief." The Judge came to her assistance, and, nothing daunted, the prisoner began to dilate philosophically upon the distinction separating the two words. He was proceeding to refer to Johnson, when his Honor peremptorily declined the challenge to debate the point, and brought the redoubtable and unabashed Fred to a sense of his true position. Who drew up the resolution at the Chamber of Commerce meeting on Tuesday? The framer of it should take an early opportunity of placing himself tinder the tuition of some junior scholar in one of our public schools. Just look at this as a specimen of composition : — " That this Chamber has heard," &c. ; " cordially support," &c. ; and pledge themselves," &c. The use of the singular and the plural interchangably has quite the charm of novelty about it. Perhaps the j framer was in doubt as to what number "Chamber" belonged to, and so thought it best to try both ways, and be on the safe side. The following gem is from the S. F. Neivs Letter .— Mr Smithsqn (the name is unique) Met with dire disaster last wique ; Being rendered so dumb By drinking hot rumb That his wife swore her spouse couldn't spique. But Smithson had plenty of chique, And not wishing to pose as a snique, Spoke right right up and said : " As I hope to be dead, The truth is, the barrel did lique." " I was there with the rest of my clique (Among them an old Arab Shique), So our thirst we allayed, Without being afrayed, Though I own 'twas a singular frique." Tawhiao is a man slightly above the middle height, with sharp, tatooed features, and oblique vision. He walks erect, and his motions are easy and dignified. When dressed in European attire he would not be distinguished at a distance from an ordinary English gentleman. His father, Te Whcro Whero, who had been one of the most ferocious and bloodthirsty savages in the world, astonished everybody at Government House by his calm, dignified, and benign aspect. He had exchanged the blanket for evening costume. Tv Tawhiao, the eldest son of the Maori King, is really a finc-looling young fellow, of light complexion, tall, graceful, and winning in his manners. In fact, when some two or three years ago he made a tour of the Waikato townships, and attended fetes and balls given in his honour, many of the young ladies fell in love with " the prince," and wanted to exchange the comforts of civilisation for the gipsy life of the Maoris. Love in a cottage is bad enough ; but love in a whare is a kind of existence which is better imagined than described.

Beys. Macnieol and Buncimau are each eager to leave Auckland, and there is consequently a lively contest between tiiein for the vacant charge in Canterbury. T,hey each feel ''called" to it, but it remains with the people of the congregation to decide as to which is really the Lord's chosen one. " Vox popiCli, vox Dei ;" but we venture to say that when the decision is made there will be a division of opinion between the reverend gentlemen as to the truth of the Latin proverb. The charge is worth £500 a-year and a free manse, being a considerable increase on the amount now received by either of the rival candidates. What a relief it is to the ordinary mind that that those feai'ful and wonderful musical critiques of the Herald and Star have at last come to an end ! "Webster's Unabridged" and " Eoget's Thesaurus " will, it is to be hoped, rest in peace for a time. By-the-*by, how is it that Mr Kinsella can't find a synonym for " aesthetic ?" A gentleman stated the other day that the Herald reporter used this word in his reports on an average about forty-seven times per week. Wherever there was opening for it in it went, and when there was no opening old K. very considerately made one for it. j If there had been a prize offered for the most ridiculous suggestion re Tawhiao's reception, the winner would most certainly have been Mr Thomas Boucher Hill. The idea of assembling all the Sundayschool children, with their banners, flags, &c, to greet a rebel heathen monarch with Moody and Sankey hymns, or " God save the Queen," is most refreshing. How sundry wicked reception committeemen sniggered over it ! It is right enough to treat the dusky monarch kindly and courteously now that he is coming to his senses ; but if Mr Hill's ridiculous proposal had been adopted the whole colony would have been convulsed with merriment at the expense of Auckland. The seer of Parnell has at last awoke from his protracted reverie, and once more the reading public of Auckland are regaled with the sage Carlylian utterances of yore. In the Herald of Tuesday a letter from this "valued contributor" appeared, under the heading " The new Licensing Act." He refers to something or other being " wisely ordained with a doubtless eye." Now, we have read of many kinds of optics — the "sheep's," the "piercing," the " codfish," the "lacklustre," the "lecherous," the •'flashing," the "eagle," the "bleared," the "stony," &c. But, in very truth, the "doubtloss" eye has the charm of novelty and strangeness about it. Will the irrepressible imitator of Carlyle be good enough to explain ? Tourists and others who intend doing the Hot Lakes this summer sliould make a special point of consulting Capfc. H. P. Way, who has opened temporary offices at Mr Saunders', Insurance Buildings. This gentleman is arranging a number of tours on the Cook's principle, i.e., for a fixed sum. Travellers pay down a certain amount before starting in Auckland, and for this they are personally conducted all over the wonder land of the Eotorua and Eotonmhai.a district and boarded and lodged free of cost. The nrrnngeincnt is an immense convenience, for it saves tourists any bother, and enables them to see everything worth seeing without being imposed upon. Bob Corny ns and Jim O'Lcary relate some wonderful stories anent the trip to Wairoa. The first night they slept in a deserted whare at Motutapu, which they have decided shall be called from henceforth " Bug Villa." General O'Leary had just closed his virtuous eyelids, when Admiral Comyns announced the startling fact that an immense army of Maori bugs were advancing to the attack. On came the unsavoury bellicose insects, while Bob and Jim, armed with boathooks, oars, shoes and breeches, prepared to put the invaders to flight or die in the last ditch. A desperate battle ensued, which ended in a victory for the brace of human heroes. Although they stopped at Motuihi and had their clothes fumigated, they smell strong yet. Ever since the Observer commenced to grow in popularity in the country districts, the Weekly News has been going clown hill, and this result has been much expedited by the publication of the Star's Saturday supplement, which costs nothing, and yet contains as much, if not more new) reading matter than the Weekly News. To put things straight, Wilson's and Horton intend adding four pages to their journal, and have made arrangements for the publication of Besant and Eice's new story, the opening chapters of which we have just read in Belgravia. It seems promising, so we refrain from giving a sketch of the plot. Hans Breitman's conception of heaven was that it would be " Von eternal sphrce." We should be sorry to think for a moment that the Puhoi settlers hold the same view as to Paradise, though they have the reputation of being rather too fond of what the Germans call " booston-benders." We hear that there were very high jinks in connection with the rejoicings at a recent wedding in that lively district. There was a ball, at which dancing was kept up with great spirit (as the reporters say) for twenty-four hours ; and when the bride and bridegroom departed on their honeymoon, the wharf is said to have been liberally strewn with "dead marines." No wonder the German officers regard Puhoi as a kind of elysium. At the opening services of the Primitive Wcslcyan Church, Cambridge, the Eev. Spurgeon told his hearers that, " if they could not pray as children of the Lord, they should pray as children of the Devil." This is certainly a very accommodating doctrine, and reminds us of the Scriptural showman, who, being troubled by an inquisitive juvenile for some explanation to enable him to distinguish between Daniel and the lions, replied : " Whichever you like, my pretty dears ; you pays yer money andyer gits ycr ch'icc." If Mr Spurgeon really uttered this remarkable statement, we can understand the point of the old Spanish saying that, " It is by the Vicar's skirts that the Devil climbs into the belfry." The daily papers announce that Mr 3?. Christinas, Auckland, has just been presented with twin daughters. Our poet thus apostrophiseth him : — Oh, Father Christmas ! luckiest pere, Among us married mortals j Yonr's the best Christmas-box that e'er Brought bliss to earthly portals ! Missfortunes never singly come, When men are in a corner ; But you have picked a double " plum," And quite eclipsed Jack Homer ! With envious thought I do not pause, Begrudging yon your pleasure ; Nor would I beg good Santa Claus To send me such a treasure I " A Merry Christmas " you must have, When two fair maids adore you ; But tell me, how did yon behave When they were placed before you ? Say, did you fixed and wondering stand, And swear by " Gum " or " Criminy " ? Or did you, with uplif ted hand, 1 .Ejaculate — " Oh, Gemini P" It is reported in Wellington that one of the main considerations which influenced the proprietary of the New Zealand Times in vesting the Eev. D. Bruce with the editorial management, was that of economy and retrenchment. The rev. gentleman has the reputation of possessing, in a marked degree, that administrative skill in finance, which is one of ''he great characteristics of his countrymen. No denomination in the Colony has exhibited so much " canniness " in its investments, and the management of its endowments, as the Presbyterian Church, under the Eev. D. Bruce. It is said that the Times is very largely indebted to the New Zealand Loan and Mercantile Agency, and that Messrs Hall, Atkinson, and Dick have given their private guarantees to that institution. Mr Manson, of Waltham watch fame, ha 3 written a letter to the Napier Daily Telegraph about his ascent of Tongariro. He says there is no active volcano in Tongariro, and that neither Sir George Grey nor any other person made an ascent to the volcano of Auruhoe (which is the correct name for the so-called volcano of Tongariro). Mr Manson further asserts that he is the first European who has ever been permitted to tread on that sacred ground, and that, though Mr Bidwell ascended Auruhoe without the permission of the natives, he did not go into the interior of the cone, nor did he ascertain the altitude. Mr Connolly, an American artist, made a similar attempt, but was captured by the Maoris, and bis horses and equipment seized. A also failed in the attempt from the same causes. There is an extinct volcano on the summit of Tongariro, ssveral steam-holes and hot springs, but no active volcano. Mr Manson found the altitude by one of Baker and Son's aneroids to be 7650 feet above the sea level.