TAURANGA JOTTINGS.

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 71, 21 January 1882, Page 298

TAURANGA JOTTINGS.

— The " doctor" was an awful swell on Sunday. He wore the most lustrous of black, from " belltopper" .illown to patent leather shoes. What a pity he does not come out all in white this hot weather to give us a change and a contrast. — The courteous and obliging proprietor of the Temple of Fashion has, I hear, at last come to an understanding with his fair assistant. All their little differences will be forgotten, and it is whispered they will soon be both Wright. I wish them joy. — That prepossessing young bachelor, Mr W., gave a very enjoyable croquet party to some of his lady and gentleman friends the other day. The only drawback was the excessive size of the lawn— about 12 x 14. — Two citizens at Menzies rear entrance. Ist citizen (of a poetical turn of mind) : " Come and we'll worship at the shrine of Bacchus." 2nd (intensely practical) citizen, emphatically : "No, sir. I'Uentemo back'ouse, sir. I takes my drinks in the front bar." Fact. — Ain't this nice — " An account from Mr Buckland for grass seed, having been passed for payment, it was resolved that Mr Goldsmith be asked him if he would kindly define the outside boundaries and divisions of the new cemetery, etc., etc." Vide Tunes report of cemetery trustees meeting. — A certain young lady, who arrived here but a short time since, appears to derive great satisfaction from pointing out what she considers the failings of our colonial manners. If she looked nearer home, and took a few lessons in ball-room etiquette, she would become a greater favourite. Conceit is not a virtue in Tauranga — Miss Daphne Eowena Commons has been christened Da-ph-ne Kow-e-n-a ! ! Her affectionate parents delayed the ceremony as long as possible, fearing that such an infliction on a young child would be prejudicial to its health. No wonder. Poor Euby Eosainond is entirely eclipsed. By-the-way, what is the short for Daphne ? Will it be Daf or Daft, Daffy or Taffy ? — Poor Jno. Dale's case is a hard one. Since her departure, he has rapidly wasted away. He had become but the shadow of his former self when his medical adviser strongly urged a change of air and scene. Yielding reluctantly to pressure, he took ship to Auckland. The trip has greatly improved his health and spirits, and strong hopes are entertained of his recovery. — Mr and Mrs Imndon gave a nice party at their farm at Otuinoetai on Friday last. Poor Doctor Walter and my Dear Matier lost their steeds, and "didn't go home till morning." There were several laughable incidents on the road out. A little bird whispers something about a broken trap seat, and someone's feet in the position usually occupied by the other extremity. — As Dr Walter was coining down town the other morning, he was handed a suspicious-looking blue . paper. On opening it, he found it was a summons from his butcher for 6s 2d ! They had heard he was going away, and with true business alacrity, had taken out a summons. He was actually on his way to pay this and several other small accounts when he was served. He paid the 6s 2d and 4s costs, at the same tune giving them a piece of his mind which won't improve their peace of mind much. — A correspondent sends us the following ; — "It is time we had some opposition to the Northern Steamship Company's boats. A lady coming from Auckland recently, was refused a bed by the polite and obliging stewardess , of . the Glenelg, and compelled, though very weak and 'delicate, to lie on the floor all night. She unfortunately had, no male companion, and having neglected to fee the stewardess, was obliged to lay iitterly 'hielpless where she was. That amiable official informed her that there were "no beds for her," but the lady believes there were several spare bunks. It is only right to add that such treat-

ment would not have been received aboard the "Wellington, where things are properly managed and the steward and his staff are most obliging. — There is a young man in thi3 neighbourhood who is in business with his father. He recently fell in love with a young lady fresh from the old country, and his suit prospered exceedingly. But when he asked his father's consent, he most positively refused it. The son rebelled, and thinking to succeed better with his mother, he departed to K.K., and laid the case before her. She, however, took the same view as her husband, and enticing him into his room, she locked him up intending to starve him into submission. When the house was quiet, and its inmates safe in the arms of Morpheus, our ''lovier so gallant and gay" escaped, and ran all the way to Tauranga, a distance of 35 miles. Whether the stern parents have relented or not, I can't say. — Poor Henry Longataff measured his length in the Waimapu on Wednesday. "Our own" telegraphed the following by Friday's steamer :— Great sympathy is expressed for Mr F. in his affliction. Public -feeling runs high. The excitement is intense. The hourly bulletins are anxiously looked for and eagerly devoured. (How hungry they must be down there. — Ed. Obs.) Later.— Messages of condolence have been received from the Queen and the crowned heads of Europe. Also from King Kalakau and the Emperor of China. Latest. — Dr Stevens reports his patient as likely to recover. No water penetrated internally. It is hoped that with a liberal absorption of Coleraine, Hennessey's and Teacher, he may yet pull through. Their Koyal Highnesses, Kings Coffee, Tawhio, and Cetowayo have expressed their heartfelt sjmpathy, — To the Editor : Sir, — Your weekly Tauranga jottings are unsatisfactory. They don't do us justice, and give but a milk and water idea of the kind of people we really are. Our boys who keep you posted up in our little sayings and doings have the natural modesty and reticence of youth ; they mean well, and are doing their best to merit our esteem, but, bless you sir, with the material they have at their disposal, they might send you weekly chronicles that would make your hair curl and give you the creeps generally. To do them justice, they are improving, and occasionally give you a paragraph that smacks of the true Tauranga flavour. To wit — in y our last issue, they note the satisfactory manner in which folks sat upon the little maid of sixteen who rode twenty miles into town to sing at a charity concert. Goodness of such offensively ostentatioiis form must expect to be sat upon. We don't believe in your good little girls ; give us a thorough-paced young woman of the period with a spice of naughtiness, and up to anything from pitch and toss to manslaughter — that's our style. We are wonderful people, sir, do come and see us. If you can sling the ribald joke, and interlard your speech with the merry oath and the cheerful imprecation, you are just the man for us, and maybe we will give you a military title and a J. P.ship to mark our approbation. To have cracked a bank or two, or to have been suspected of arson, or to have been guilty of it for the matter of that, would establish your reputation among us at once. We doat on crime, and take the •inoffensive burglar and the playful incendiary to our bosoms. We have not been lucky enough at present to raise a good all round murderer, but that is our misfortune rather than our fault, and places us in an awkward fix as to whom we shall elect for our first mayor. We don't want a common every day villain, but a man who has distinguished himself. Now, if some fellow would only murder his mother with a knife, sharpened on his father's tombstone, our difficulty would be at an end, and his election amoral. We know you Auckland people are jealous of us, but you have good reason. You may be wicked enoxxgh in your own tin-pot way, but bless you, you are not a patch upon us. For cold-blooded villainy and iniquity of the genuine double dye we are at the top of the tree, and intend to remain there or know the reason why. Do come and see us. I don't know any man more capable of appreciating our protean perfections. To know us as we are is a liberal education for any man, and then the implicit belief wo have that our rustic cackle is the murmur of the world could not fail to delight you. — I am, etc., An Old Identity.