The Observer

Observer, Volume 3, Issue 53, 17 September 1881, Page 2

The Observer

Saturday, Seftembeb, 17th, 1881 i

There is an ancient G-reek tradition which tells us that, whenever anyone had a new law to propose, he appeared in the sight of the people with a halter about his neck. If his enactment passed he received high honours, but if it was rejected he was, incontinently hanged by the neck upon the nearest tree until he was dead. One advantage of this-Draeonian system was that the laws were few and simple, and were rarely altered to please the whim of some political tinker, or to assist some cunningly disguised swindle. It is hardly necessary to say that the Statute Book of ancients was not an ill-digested accumulation of crude, and illconsidered laws, scattered up and down throughout a gveat variety of separate volumes, with fragmentary and fugitive Amendment Acts, like the Statute Book of these days, which even the judges and lawyers do not understand, and of which the law-makers are in profound ignorance, while the common people grope about in a dense fog, or must siibmit -to be fleeced by some professional guide in order to find their way. Even then it is often the blind leading the blind.

These remarks are suggested by Mr Driver's Bill for the suppression of society papers. Mr Driver is a Yankee, or at least a white-washed one, and he possesses a, rude sense of the humourous. Had lie been blessed wit;h a decent education, or sonic degree of originality, He might have ranked as a wit, but unfortunately for himself and his generation he has never developed a talent for anything else than smart speeulativeness and money - grubbing. That Mr Driver has some "ambition to rank as a humourist is shown by his having introduced' this precious Bill, which cannot be regarded as anything else than a grim joke. The fashion has lately grown up in some quarters of denouncing the journals which have forsaken the old beaten track of hum-drum journalism, and substituted sprightliness and originality for "dulness and plagiarism. Because a Christchurch paper has been guilty of an offence against good taste, for which it has been sufficiently punished, all the other society papers in the colonies have been indiscriminately involved in the same sweeping condemnation. It is one of the weaknessess of small minds to be afraid of anything of an original cast, and this feeling of apprehension is apt to develop into envy and spite. The feeling is also industriously fostered by the daily papers whose business Suffer from competition.

Anything more absurd than Mr Driver's Bill it ' is impossible to conceive. By this Bill the reeis terecl owners or publishers of newspapers are ™-n * hibifcecl under crushing penalties, recoverable inn summary way on the information of a common informer, from printing any matter referring tn the domestic affairs, acts, business engagements « ■ concerns of a private character of any person 'r

sidjng in New Zealand, the publication of wliich. is not authorised, by .such person, and. whether such person is indicated bfjiafae or otherwise, except suchmatters as are disclosecl in the law courts, or at public meetings ; moreover, the production of the newspaper by the complainant is to beheld as sufficient proof that the publication was without his consent. The Bill is so loosely and vaguely drafted as to bear the imprimatur of Mr Driver's own mind. If the measure was intended to be workable it should have contained intei-pretation clauses defining "domestic affairs," and "concerns of a private character," because for want of a definition "of those terms much difference of opinion, will exist as to their meaning. In any case, however, the Bill will involve the whole Press of the. Colony in its toils, and will practically gag independent journalism. Take for instanceour- contemporary the Her aid ,• In its issue of Saturday last it contained a brief biography of the late Mrs Kusscll, and in .that paragraph reference was made to the " domestic affairs "and private concerns of .the deceased lady, palpably without her consent. A very shocking example of publishing private concerns was contained in a paragraph about Peter and Ann Finn, and domestic affairs of the most sacred character were divulged to the world in another paragraph regarding a family named Kuff, at Northern Wairoa. Indeed the Herald and the Star are largely made xip of references to domestic affairs, acts, business engagements, and concerns of a private character, simply because these matters enter largely into the affairs of the every day life of the world, are those which most interest the vast majority of the readers, and in one wny or i another become public property, and the subjects | of legitimate public comment. There is scarcely a newspaper in the world which does not in every issue refer in some way to the " domestic affairs, acts, business engagements, or concerns " of scores of persons, and no newspaper would be worth the paper it was printed on if it did not do so. The enforcement of Mr Driver's precious Gagging Bill would reduce the Press to mere records of law court proceedings and public meetings. Even leading articles and the great bulk of the paragraphs that appear in the Press would come within the prohibited limits. There would be no such thing as the exposure of grave scandals, which did not come Avithin the law courts, and the Press would be shorn of its influence as a reformer. The mqst infamous scoundrels might pursue their swindles and impositions without let or hindrance, if they escaped the vigilance of the police. Nay, even the language of compliment would be prohibited. The mere publication of the business engagements of a star actor, the life of a great man, the proceedings at a fashionable party, the particulars of a contract, the record of a marriage, or a christening, the starting of a. new business, the account of the providential escape of Mrs Smith's baby from the kick of a horse, or the fact that old Smith himself had accidentally fallen over the Avharf would place the paper at the mercy of any rascally common informer.

Mr Driver's Bill forcibly recalls to mind the barbarous expedients devised in the seventh and earlier period of the eighteenth century for gagging the Press, but which were swept away by an enlightened public opinion and the growth of liberty. Tyrants and oppressors, would-be autocrats, officials dressed in a little brief authority who often exceed their functions and powers, swindlers and rogues, humbugs, chai\Latan3, and hypocrites. These dread a free and outspoken Press, and they will no doubt sympathise with Mr Driver. They will also be countenanced in their attenrpts to gag the Press by another small but insignificant section of the community, whose petty and narrow minds are seized with alarm at the sight of anything that is original, beyond the limited range of their poor mental vision, or out of the monotonous bent of their commonplace and vulgar training and experience. But we predict that the Bill, in its present shape, will share the untimely fate of many other similar abortions and monstrosities. It is to be regretted, however, that the old Draconian law to "which we alluded in our first paragi-aph is not now in force. It would save the country much precious time, relieve the public taxpayer from a deal of useless expense, and weed Parliament of many members who could be dispensed with to advantage.

An amusing scene was witnessed in one of the local places of amusement a short time ago, and may as well be rescued from the oblivion Avhich would otherwise overtake it. A tall, gaunt and unceremonious bushman just down from tfie Northern Wairoa, and "flush" of coin entered the building when the performance was commencing and with supreme self-satisfaction located himself in one of the front reserved seats. He had hardly , composed his limbs into an attitude of careless rest when an effeminate and bejewelled dandy Stepped forward and with freezing politeness remarked, " You are in my seat, sir." The bushman leisurely expectorated a mouthful of tobacco t juice, and then, without troubling to shift his ■ position drawled out, " How kin it be your'n when I'm in it, eh ?" " But here's my coupon " persisted the swell. The man of the forest merely ■ glanced' at the extended pasteboard and then remarked with unnecessary rigour, " I don't keer a cuss for yer coupon. You kin just ' coop' off

boss, I've took rout" This said, lie turned his back upon the intruder. The latier, seeing that the audience had become interested in the dispute, was determined to flglib it out, and therefore, changing li is manner to one of peremptory asperity, lie laid his hand upon the shoulder of the bushman us he said, "here, just move, -will you, I've no time to -waste in words." The unpolished specimen of humanity at once jumped to his feet, seized the astounded coxcomb with the right hand bj a part of bis irreproachable pants which shall be nameless, and then, having secured the collar of the coat with the left hand, ilung him over two. or three seats on to" the floor. He then resumed his .-e;;t after observing partly to himself "I've no time to waste in words." 'The effect produced it is impossible to adequately describe. The larrikin element literally screamed with delight.

We observe with feelings of grear pleasure, not unmixed wit h awe, that henceforth we may be looked upon as a. pillar, or part of a pillar, of the Chuivh. On Sunday morning last we were placed with sundry companions (not of our own choosing) under the corner stone of the Roman Catholic Church of St. Benedict at Newton. With us, and treated with similar honour, are (lie New Zealand Herald, the Weekly News, the Evening Ntar, the Waik-aio Times, Saturday Niijhl, the New Zealand Freemen's Journal (a copy of which had been specially printed on parchment for the occasion), and

" diagrams of tne principal mouldings etc. lmimifactitrcd at" the Union Sash and Door Company's works, Mechanic's Bay." Jfow, if due notice had been given us, we also might have hod a special issue printed on parchment", and, moreover, we coidd Jiave engaged to thus hand down to remote ages, with the assistance of "Quiz," a life-like representation of the Vicar-Capitular, of Pat. Comisky, and of John Cosgrave, J.P. As it- is, "remote nge-," when Ihev come to inspect the nineteenth century curiosities deposited under this corner stone, will wonder what on earth caused the K.(J. authorities to place us there. What will puzzle " remote ages " still more will be to find depot ited "diagrams of the principal mouldings, &c, manufactured by the Union Sash and Door Company, Mechanic's Bay." It is a puzzle to us nov, . As a means of advertising, it is apparently weak, unless, indeed, the Union S. and D. Co. imagine that by this means they may be able to force their "mouldings, etc." upon the attention of the spirit world. Advocates for the abolition of capital punishment may take heart from the perusal of the published account of how 11.M.5. Miranda — the Calcraft of the occasion — visited the extreme penalty of the law upon the savage murderers of the crew of the Mivy Queen. The- sailors and marines, assisted by about 100 " friendly natives," surrounded and surprised the offending village, and the result of the campaign is tluis eloquently summarised: — "Fifteen men, one woman, one child, and hundreds of pic/s have been shot, two or three villages destroyed, and a number of trees cut down." This is revenge with a vengeance ! The only mistake made was the shooting of the poor men and a helpless woman and child. This however was probably purely accidental. But there is quite a delicious sinnck of dulce cum utile in the slaughtering of porker.-; and the clearing of bush, as a punishment for murder. May we hope this is the dawn of a now and better order of things, when the unfortunate homicide's life will be held sacred, and his weakness sympathised with ? It would indeed be well if that sanguinary instinct of ours, which demands " a life for a life," could be satisfied by the- sacrifice of goats, rams, ovpigs ; and if the avenger of blood came to be — "held in estimation, According- as lie lifted up His axe liuge trees upon." The commander of H.M.S. Miranda, deserves the thanks of all humane men- for introducing this " capital " mode of j>unishment by proxy ,- and butchers and bushwhackers especially will rejoice at the innovation. Ifc is noteworthy that a number of natives, by being friendly on this occasion, not only " saved their bacon," but got a good stock of fresh pork in addition, while the inference is open that they might also enjoy a savoury dish of " woman and child " as the reward of their arduous labours. After this, will anyone deny that Britain is in the fore-front of Civilization ?

To the Editor : Sir, — As yours is the only independent journal we have in this city, I hope you will give my letter space in your valuable columns. What I wish to refer to is the unfortunate man (not loafer, ' as stated in the Herald) Kinghorne. He was found by Con-

stable MeGilp in High-street with a, severe gash on his head ; and the statement he made, and which appeared in the Star, to the effect that he had drunk nothing, has ,been verified, by Mr Bryco of . the Hospital. Kinghorne's statement reflects very seriously upon the man who employed him. What are we to believe — •'that the poor helpless creature attacked Mr W. L. Both in a drunken state ?" Why, sir, there is the statement of the head nurse of the Hospital, alleging that there was not the slightest appearance of drink about the man. This should be sufficient proof to bring guilt^omo to the real culprit ; and Ido think, sir, for humanity's sake, that the police should take this matter up and thoroughly investigate it, so as to deter others from ill-treating any poor helpless fellow-creature. , We have a law for the prevention of cruelty to animals, but there appears to be no law to prevent cruelty to a fellow-creature. — I am, &c, Hxtmaxity. — [This matter ought to have been properly sifted at the time. We very much doubt whether anything can be done now. It must, however, be exceedingly unpleasant for Mr Both to have any suspicion of brutality resting on his reputation, and perhaps for his own sake he will insist on the affair being investigated. — Ed. Oesebveii.]

It was, of coitrse, very nice and pleasant for the jo ung people in Mr Grooks's class to present him with an address, and a hint at something " more substantial," on the occasion of his leaving Q-rafton-road school ; but they really should have said who was the " scholar" who composed the speech. It is quite a literary model ; and if ifc was meant as a specimen of the tuition imparted by Mr Crooks, it could not have been better got tip. The writer, however, rather overdoes it when he speaks of Mr Crooks in liis threefold capacity of " teacher, scholar, and friend." We have before heard of " two single gentlemen rolled into one ;" but when it comes to three, it must be evident to the meanest capacity — even to the youngest pupil—that it is high time to trot off the triune anhnile to a " wider sphere." By-the-byc, does the combination of "scholar" and " teacher " not give a clue to the authorship of the address ?

Ifc is not so very long ago since Blrs Blank at Psu-nell, decided on giving a grand ball at the Parnell Hall. Ifc was the sole talk amongst, the ion ton of that aristocratic suburb for days before, and Mrs Blank determined tlnit it should eclipse anything in that line previously held in Auckland. Great attention was paid to the refreshment department, and the chefd oeuvreoi the sumptuous feast was to be real turtle soup. The eventful day arrived — the edibles and drinkables were safely packed on a cart. In transitu, the carter dis"covcred the precious soup was spilling, and remembering the injunction of Mrs Blank and all the Blank household to be particularly careful of it, he removed the utensil from his dray to the friendly shelter of a fence on the roadside. The rest oi the cargo was unshipped at the Hall, and then our friend returned for the soup, which likewise reached its destination without mishap. At last the night arrived, and all the beauty and chivalry of Auckland's oldest suburb were soon whirling in the mazes of the dance. The hour of midnight approached, and " beauty and chivalry" drew round the refreshment/ table. Mrs Blank, looking as happy as a queen, ladled out the turtle soup and listened with pardonable pride to the econiums upon its quality. But what makes the hostess's cheek blanch, why that gaze of unutterable anguish into the recesses of the soup boiler ? " The beaxity and chivalry" adjacent peer in ' too, and experience qualmish feelings about the waist belt, when two filthy old blucher boots are seen rearing their uppers in the midst of the soup. Strong men grew pale, fair women requcstod to be "taken home to ma" and to cut a long story short, the stomach of Parnell iras dyspeptic for weeks after. It subsequently transpired that some larrikins, noticing the action of the carter, had inserted the unsavoury articles, and then skeddadled, secretly rejoicing over " the turn they would give the nobs." Awfully-awful,' wasn't it ? ■

We always thought there was a sort of fellow f eeling existing amongstbank ma.nagers,but judging from the reports of the proceedings .'it Lewjs.^ros..creditors meeting last week, it would - a-TDpf - ' such is not the case. Surely,^ \,?3 x c : s " words were not prompted by nur^l.. ielii^s of jealousy against Mr Hean for his success ir^ pulling the National through without any loss.

Talking of banks, we all know that money is very plentiful, and that it can bo procured for legitimate investments at a vci'y low rate of interest, but we nevex- expected it had got to such a flood that the banks in Auckland were compelled to descend to questionable methods of endeavouring to get rid of their surplus funds. We are led to make these remarks' in consequence of the rumoured proceedings of a certain bank manager, who, having got tired of the confinement of his bank parlour, noAv touts for business outside and makes the limits of his sanctum extend from one end of the city to the other. But that a day of reckoning must come, when the present apparent liberality will cease, in consqeuence of the money being required by the Bank for the wants of our Australian friends, we should strongly advise all needy readers to walk daily from, the Northern Club to Queen-street in the hope of meeting the manager referred to.

A gentleman doesn't reply to the impudent laiTikin who bawls opprobrious epithets after him in the street, neither do we propose taking any notice of the impecunious scribbler who, drawing nearer each day to ruin, gives vent to his bitter spite by concocting foul lies and . infamous slanders about us. When the Obseetek condescends to cross swords — or perhaps we should say pens — with another paper, that paper must be edited by a gentleman. There can be no equality in quarrelling with a depraved wretch who is restrained neither by honour, honesty, nor truth from hearing false witness, but, on the contrary, considers fraud, treachery, and falsehood suitable weapons to strengthen his dastard pen

with. Such men are better left to lie themselves out. Their very excesses ruin them. • Once in a while a paper's enemies rather like to see it. " slanged," but when people find that week after week Auckland's gutter-organ is nothing more than one long impotent shriek at a more successful rival, they will grow sick of the business, and chuck the foetid rag on one sido. We, at any rate, have no idea of borcingour readers with z'eplies to the verbal offal-throwing which has been going on recently, and shall nofc, either now or at any other time, refer to it again.

Mrs Lynn Linton's Under Which Lord, one of the most interesting "novels with a purpose" ever published, has been re-printed in a cheap form, and can now be obtained at the local booksellers for half-a-crown. It is the story of a fight for the supremacy of a married woman and her fortune between a ritualist priest and an agnostic, or perhap3 we had better say atheist. All who care for a thrilling and well-told tale of very real life should read Under Which Lord without fail. Its publication was one of the deadliest blows ever launched at the dangerous High Church, party. N.B. — This is not an advertisement in disguise.

So the " Stonewall Heptarchy " has been photographed. This is a splendid idea, for we shall now be able to hand down to posterity the the presentments of those valiant seven who have brought the business of the country to a standstill, because an over-represented Provincial DiatricHs to have justice meted out to it. Truly, self-interest makes sinners of us all. Asmodeoug of the Mail suggests to the photographer the addition of the following lines to the bottom of the carte — " True patriots we, for be it understood, "We stopped all business for our country's good." And while on the subject of photography, we think companion pictures to the above would be : — "The Auckland Four," "Mr Pyke and the Speaker," and "The Honoraria Speculators."

A gentleman, who is a leading settler in the Bay of Plenty district, called on us the other clay and made some most painful and extraordinary allegations relative to the condition of society in Tauranga. He asserted (and spoke as if he quite believed what he said) that the morale of many of the leading residents is of a loose and most undesirable character ; that the majority of young girls are fast, and at times almost immodest, and that Tauranga is not a fit locale for a man -with a family of daughters to settle down at. We were naturally astounded to hear these serious accusations. The Tauranga folk hare always been considered a shamefully slow and apathetic community, but up to now we believed them to be —if anything — ■ultra-respectable. Our informant, however, spoke emphatically. He said that some of the staider residents were vraging war against the growing "fastness" of the majority, and that a married lady in a good position had taken the initiative by excluding from an evening party some of the blackest sheep. This movement might, he thought, have done good, but unfortunately a "skit" appeared in the next week's Obsebtee quizzing the party -giver's exclusiveness. Mr — further explained that he called upon us to request that we would assist, rather than baulk, the attempt to Jsut the curb on, as Tauranga society would inevitably go to the dogs if nothing were. done. Till we hoar whether there is any truth in these statements we shall refrain from discussing or in any way commenting on them. JSTo steps would, it is needless to say, be too severe if the substance of the allegation were proved true.

One of our local medicos was egregiously " sold " the other day. He had been fer some time in close attendance tipon a patient whose peculiar ailment completely baffled all his skill, and steadily grew worse despite a regular and persistent course of physicking. At last, determined that the sufferer should not die upon his hands, he sent him on to the Hospital accompanied by an explanatory note to Dr Philson. In ithis epistle he informad the latter gentleman thajt as the ease was one in which he had taken a deep interest he wished to be favoured -with, a short account of the post mortem examination. Dr Philson was rather taken aback at the certainty with which his professional friend appeared to look for a fatal termination of the man's illness, seeing that the symptoms were not such as to, have unfavourably impressed himself. The patient was placed in one of the sick wards, and, after undergoing the ordinary course, of treatment, was restored to perfect health. '-As soon aa he jaa able to quit the establishment, Dr Philson

despatched him to Dr , in order to report himself. The latter's surprise was just dashed ■with a soupcon of mortification at the significance of the visit. His shadow never darkens the Hospital doorway now. He is afraid of the fusillade of badinage that he would have to submit to.

Mr Pyke complained that Mr Seddon had called him a liar, and added that the matter would have to be settled in the lobby, upon which Mr Seddon remarked that he was perfectly agreeable to that mode of procedure. This is a chapter from the Parliamentary records published on the veracious authority of the Press Association. This is what a long-suffering public pay members of Parliament £210 for. It only remains to pass a vote for the formation of a " convincing ground," an instructor in the noble and manly art, and sets of boxing gloves. If this be not done, the time will come when the best recommendation for that assemblage which is suppposed by some popular fiction to combine the best intellect and manners of the country, will be a certain degree of proficiency in the knowledge of how to "hit, stop, job, and get away." • But, seriously speakiug, the idea of a pugilistic encounter between Messrs Pyke and Sepdon is too absurd for contemplation. Mr Pyke is a little, podgy, apoplectic-looking personage, troubled with gout and diseased lungs, ■while Mr Seddon is a great, brawny, muscular, broad-shouldered, deep-chested man, who could fell an ox with a blow of his fist.

However, Mr Pyke, like all game little men, is as plucky as an old game-cock. Like Colonel Brett, who, when Johnny Mai-tin was lampooned in the Press, exclaimed " Demme, sir, call out the fellow, and shoot him," the member for Dunstan has a great respect for ancient chivalry, as indicated by his fiery speeches and demeanour in the House, and his writings. Apropos of this, there is a good story extant. A certain Member, who shall be nameless, went to a fashionable fancydress ball in a perfect suit of silver-washed chain armour, which being fitted on an elastic material accommodated itself to his bulky frame, not, however, without much stretcliing and straining, and the assistance of two or three friends. Attired in this knightly costume, he was the cynosure of all eyes, and caused quite a, flutter amongst the fair sex. Perhaps it was the wine, the fatigue of dancing, or the heaviness of the chain armour' but the knight had to be assisted into a cab towards the small hours of the morning, and was driven home.

Sometime later, his friends staying at the same hotel, OsgoocTs, returned. What was their astonishment on mounting the stairs at hearing unearthly sounds apparently proceeding from the apartment occupied by the member who had caused such a sensation at the ball. The sounds resembled those of a tiger struggling to free itself from its chain, or an infuriated bull in a well-stocked tinsmith's shop. And amid all the clashing and rattling faint, unearthly, dying groans were heard at intervals. It was surmised that a menagerie had broken loose, and that the'grim lords of the forest were devouring some ill-fated lodger. "With hair on end the men burst in the door of the room, and the spectacle that met their affrighted gaze was one ever to be remembered. Stretched helplessly on the floor, amidst the debris of broken xitensils, and miscellaneous scraps of 'bed-room furniture lay a knight of Jerusalem, or Jericho (the point is immaterial), breathless, exhausted, and his face swollen to the imminent risk of an apoplectic fit. Of course, t« extricate him was the work of a few minutes. The knight had eaten too much supper, and could not disengage himeelf from Ids armour without the assistance of some trusty squire. That armour •was afterwards sold.

A laughable incident occurred in the Supreme Court Hoitse on Wednesday morning. The active and witty little Curator by some means or other got locked up in his office, and in spite of all his endeavours at release, tailed to find egress from his official quarters. jSTo one was within earshot inside the building, and without there appeared no immediate prospect of re'ief. After furiously banging the door for some tone to no purpose, " Tammy " was just considering the advisability of hanging out of his solitary window a flag of distress, when the sounds of approaching steps upon the uncarpeted pavement fell gratefully upon his ears. It was a scribe of the Press in quest of information. He heard with sympathy the pitiable story of the beleagured magnate, and at his urgent desire sped away for a locksmith. The craftsman was found withoxit much trouble, jand entering by the window, soon restored communication between the Curator's sanctum ani! the outer world.