THIS WICKED WORLD

Observer, Volume 2, Issue 48, 13 August 1881, Page 546

THIS WICKED WORLD

—A young lady in Symonds-street is said to nave a, penchant for pool. —It is reported that Mr F. G. Ewington has joined, or is about to join, the Newton Football Club. _ — The " sixteen-stunner " declares she weighs only lOst 61b, and offers to submit to be weighed Tjy a jury of matrons. — Mr S., of Kawakawa, went home by the lona, the other day, leaving many desolate hearts behind him, one especially in the neighbourhood of Queen-street. — The proscenium erected by the promoters of the St. Matthew's parish entertainment at St. James' Hall was taken down last week. What does this mean ? More rows, eh ? — " Auckland " points out in a pithy letter that Mr Nelson, who, not long ago, inveighed against the clergy for advertising the subjects of their Sunday discourses, is now doing ditto himself. — Peltzer says the young men of St. Andrew's took their sisters, sweethearts, future sisters-in-law, mothers, and even mothers-in-law, to the debate on Thursday last, in order to swamp the voting. — The new parson at St. David's Presbyterian Church is promised £300 per annum, and house rent free, "if the congregation can afford it." Dunn was promised £150, and there is £90 to settle yet. — The Wairarapa Daily says, with reference to members of Parliament being allowed to visit gaols and lunatic asylums — "If any of them make a protracted stay, they will cost the country lees in their new quarters than in their old." — Rev. Thomas Spurgeon does not altogether "travel" on his father's reputation. Though he is not a brilliant preacher, yet his discourses will bear favourable comparison with those of many of our local clericals. — A public debate between G. A. Brown and Rev. S. Edger, on the immortality of the soul, is talked of. A • discussion carried to an issue by two such able combatants would no doubt draw immensely. It ought to come off. — Ponsonby is beginning to agitate for a bridge across the Waitemata to Stokes' Point, and a road round the beach from Freeman's Bay. _ There is only one thing lacking, and that is — money. —The shipment of revised New Testaments which came by the Arawata ought to be much appreciated. Faney — Testaments — quarantine — Barnsley — sulphur and — no, not treacle. They will be purified ten times over. — That is a very fine painting of the view from Cape Brett in Mr Leech's window, but, bless my soul, sir, . the sun does not set in the east. Perhaps the production should have been called "Sunrise" instead of "Sunset." — The terrible alarm which Sir George Grey's Law Practitioners Bill caused in the legal profession has now greatly subsided. Though its passage through the Lower House is deemed certain, its rejection by the Legislative Council is regarded as inevitable. — T.S.E. has been very much down in the mouth since the Ponsonby election. After being returned at the top of the poll for two successive years, it was rather humiliating to get into the Board this year by bringing up the rear of the successful candidates. — The electric light has been introduced in the London General Post-office with complete success. Not only does it afford a brilliant illumination, which greatly facilitates work, but the temperature is now moderate and equal, while formerly it was simply pestilential. -—Lovers who will persist in spooning in the Domain on moonlight nights must not complain if they are watched. The other evening a happy pair were nyuming together on one of the seats whilst up above in the trees sat five or six larrikins heartily enjoying the fun. — A # correspondent writes making some extraordinary accusations of favouritism against the secretary of the Board of Education. We cannot print the letter without enquiring into the matter, as, whether true or untrue, the consequences of publication would be very serious. — Captain Carmichael takes Bailey's new schooner to Rarotonga, pays the crew, and finds everything for £40. The next tender is said to have been £60, and that's little enough, heaven knows. Poor crew ! — Suspicion exists in the minds of some ot the unsuccessful competitors who sent in plans for the Savings' Bank, that the award has not been made in a fair and above-board manner. It is said the committee of selection refuse to exhibit the plans of the successful architect. —Bob Tudehope's splendid attitudinising whilst conducting the Temperance Service of Song Avas a marvel to behold. The graceful sweeps of his baton, a la Schmitt, as lie finished up the various orchestral parts, were the theme of enthusiastic admiration. — A gentleman who attends the Choral Hall pretty regularly on Sunday evenings was struck by the frequent repetition of the words "mark you." He counted the times they were used, and now states that the phrase occurs on an average twenty-seven times during each discourse, mark you. — Walter Reynolds says that if Darwin would take a tour through the Colonies, lecturing on his favourite theory {viz., the descent of man from a monkey), and accompanied by little V. as a practical instance of the fact, he would make a fortune, besides setting many grave doubts at rest. — Not one of the Presbyterian ministers would undertake the work of holding services for the benefit of seamen. The Rev. McCallum ottered to act for a month if his brethren would agree to take the job in turn with him, but the others didn't seem to see it— they are all too hard worked. Ahem ! —It appears that sacrificial offerings are not obsolete in this the 19 th century. We have it on good authority that a reverend divine, on relinquishing a cure of souls, not a hundred miles from Helensville, sacrificed a pig, whether as a propitiatory, adulatory, or valedictory offering to his congregation, the writer, not being among the favoured few assisting, is unable to state.

— Quite a number of Mr Macrae's old pupils shelled out right royally when his friends went round with the hat recently. — George O'Halloran made £1000 at Te Aroha. "It's an ill wind that blows nobody good." — A gentleman recently paid £104 for the charter of one of the Kaipara steamers to take him to the Thames and back. — It is not generally known that where the Albert Brewery now stands there was in years gone by the finest orchard in the district. — The old maid who opened the Herald at an advertisement headed "Make your child a present of a new suit of clothes " has ceased taking that journal. —The latest absurdity of the General Government is to import telegraph posts from Wellington to Auckland, and then to erect them at an angle of about 75. —The members of St. James' choir presented Mrs Mitchell with a photographic shield on Wednesday night. Her departure for Oamaru is greatly regretted by the whole of the congregation. — Thomas Mazzini Clark, a popular Thamesite, left for Sydney by the Arawata on Wednesday last. Tommy says there is not a sufficient number of the old Mosquito Fleet left now to raise a tarpaulin muster. — A new chum recently invaded the sanctity of the Northern Club, and called for a long beer. He was a little brusquely informed that every coiner house in Auckland wasn't a pub. He left. — The departure of Mrs Mitchell for Oamaru was in accordance with the instructions of her medical adviser. Her voice has partially failed, and she seeks a more bracing climate in the hope of recovering the full power of her vocal organ. — Messrs Tyler and Hesketh left for the Thames on Sunday to defend Ehrenfried Bros, in the Beer Duty prosecutions. "E. K." was on board first, and bet liquors that his learned friend would be five minutes late. He won the wager. — What a charitably-disposed body of people the Auckland Presbytery is. At the meeting last week an absent member was charged with duplicity because he carried out a previouslyannounced intention of going to England to see his mother after a three year's absence. — It is curious to note how a flaming new silk handkerchief (no allusion to the "Bowen") will struggle up from the deepest recesses of a breast pocket into the light of day, and linger there, while a soiled cotton one lurks at the very bottom, and only now and then makes a hasty sally into the open air. — The action of the Queen in conferring three new titles on Prince Leopold is thus quaintly criticised by the Referee : — "ln consequence of the disturbed state of the country, Prince Leopold will in future be accompanied wherever he goes by the Duke of Albany, the Earl of Clarence, and Baron Arklow." — Talking about reducing the salary of the Secretary of the Union Sash and Door Company, how is it the directors don't reduce their own serew — we beg pardon — "honorarium ?" It would be interesting to know at what general meeting of shareholders their £600 a year, or Avhatever the amount is, was voted. — A friend of the editor of the Referee, travelling in Scotland on Sunday, came across a curious instance of Scotch piety. Accompanied by three friends, he entered an hotel and asked for four small whiskeys. "We dinna mak sma' glasses on the Sawbath," was the waitresss's shocked reply. — A sucking political economist publicly propounded the other night the remarkable doctrine that the decrease of a country's imports and exports Avas a beneficial result of free trade, and that the very life of trade Avas the absence of competition. Shades of Adam Smith, Riccardo, and John Stuart Mill, what next ! — A youthful, in his "supplications" the other Sunday night, prayed that the " SAVord of the Avord might be used to the killing and wounding, and afterwards to the healing, of souls." How the healing could be effected after the killing he Avas apparently too much in a hurry to explain ; but as the congregation murmured "Amen," it Avasno doubt all right. — The office of City Solicitor is going begging. There are, of course, a good many third-rate lawyers avlio would gladly accept the billet, but somehoAV the prominent legal firms don't appear to have that respect for the Council, or at any rate for some of its members, which those individuals imagine they deserve. This is sad, but hardly surprising. — That Aye are a labour-loving people must be evident to everyone avlio has noticed the intense interest displayed by the " unemployed" in the operations of the steam dredge. It is as clear as mud that they are dred(g)fully anxious that the Avork should be done properly, and they watch each ascent of the bucket as intently as if they had never seen or smelt Auckland mud before. — It is Avhispered that in the charade to be performed at the next St. Matthew's entertainment the Godesses Venus and Juno Avill be represented. It has not yet transpired what costumes Avill be worn, but the lady Avho personates the former might get a valuable hint from a careful study of the Venus de Medici, in the Museum. Ah me ! what Avill the Rev. R. F. M. say or do ? — Why Avas there so much humbug about the tenders for the tAvo ferry-boats, and why Avas the decision of the committee so often postponed? Such methods of doing business are calculated to create a suspicion of " dodgery" ; indeed it Avould hardly do for us to publish all the thoughts of several persons avc could name on the subject. Suffice it to say their vieAVs were not at all creditable to the managing committee. — A fashionable draper informs us that the dresses for the spring wear are made up Avith a neAV and lovely polonaise, the Avaist of which contains a steel trap, concealed by a masked panier. When a young gentleman calls, who is considered a catch, and accidentally— or otherwise — places his arm aronnd the Avearer's waist, he hears a "clink," and finds his arm caught. A big brother and lamp enters, and it is neck or nothing with the victim.

— Jesse King is learning the irois temps. Indomitable man. — Tli ere will be '• ructions " in Parnell presently. — Don't you wish you may get that two thou, eh ! old Sixty-per-cent ? —A lady writes to say she does not think the recitation of "Tarn o' Shanter" at St. Andrew's Hall one night last week was in good taste. — There lias been another " tiff" between the members of the Congregational Choir and a young lady, whose loss will be seriously felt, has seceded. — Little Vaughan is too sharp to leave his cash in his clothes pocket when he takes a Turkish Bath, so he wraps the money up in a handkerchief and holds it in his fist throughout tho process. — But for the powerful manner in which J. A. Haslett closed the Improvement Association's Debate, the advocates for "Protection" must surely have been victorious. — The residents in the neighbourhood of the Windsor Castle, Parnell, are daily and nightly distressed by the efforts of a cornetist whose capabilities are not equal to those of a Godfrey. It is signilicant that a saw-sharpener in Alma Place left his home suddenly last week and lias not since been heard of. — A petition to the Grafton Road Board is being freely signed by numbers of people who (like ourselves) are of opinion that a roadway should be made through the Cemetery to join Symonds-street with Grafton-road. No doubt the present route to the Hospital and the Domain is a riiost circuitous one for those living above the bell in Queen-street. — Captain John McLiver is a little annoyed at our stating he expected to get £150 from the French Government for rescuing a Frenchman during the recent cruise. He says "parley vovs" must have depreciated considerably in value if the French Government will not give more than a beggarly £150 for saving one a£ their countrymen. Our advice, John, is to put him up to auction and sell him along with the guano, although, as yo\i know, Auckland is pretty well supplied with both articles just now. — Somebody is terribly indignant because of the suggestion made in a letter in the Herald of last week, " that the Harbour Board apprentices should be allowed to sweep the wharf, as they seemed to have little to do." Oh, how mean, how contemptible, how spiteful, how awfully nasty of that man to even think of such a thing. Well, we don't see why the boys shouldn't sweep the wharf, either. They can do that and still have plenty of time left to pull the "boss " around in a boat ; so no harm done, Mr (we never mention names). — Pretty tall gambling has been going on during the past week or two at a certain favourite hostelrie which shall be nameless. One noted gambler made a start at " hazard " with seven half-crowns and rose with £300 and odd. He, however, made a mess of the greater portion of his winnings before he left the house. A young clerk in one of the Insurance offices netted £50 with the dice in a couple of hours, but dropped it all at devil's pool. Hard luck, wasn't it. — Immediately after the run for the Epsom Derby, Toole, the famous low comedian, happened to fall foul of a drag crowded with American celebrities, headed by Billy Florence, the popular Yankee actor. Of course, he was received with a volley of chaff, &c, on the Iroquois American victory. As soon as he could obtain a hearing, said Toole, "Well, Billy, I really do think you are a little rough on the animal. If your father had had the good luck to have been born an Englishman, you'd have been very angry with me if I had called you an American J" " N.B. — To understand this thoroughly, it should be borne in mind that the sire of Iroquois Leamington was an English horse, whom the Americans imported. — It is not generally known that three nights in the week, during the winter season, a number of our most respectable citizens assemble at the bowling alley under the Albert Hall for the purpose of enjoying a friendly game. In order to keep the meeting select a club has been formed, called " The German Bowling Club ;" admission by ballot on proposition of a member. Play commences about 7 o'clock and terminates at 10 o'clock. The courteous secretary, Mr Piggott, will afford every information to persons Avishing to join, and those who are fond of good exercise combined with genial company, will find both at these really very pleasant reunions. — The scandal of the London season has been the elopement of a Avcll-known married lady with the youthful Earl of ShreAvsbury. The injured husband and the lady's brother folloAved the happy pair to the Continent, and came up Avith them at Verncr's, Avhere the Earl (avlio is a little man) received a sound drubbing from his two opponents. Subsequently Lord Shrewsbury met his inamorata's mother on the platform of a railway station, when a scene folloAved, Avhich is described by "Huffier," in Vanity Fair, as folknvs. He says: — "I am told that the platform of Wirksworth Railway Station was the scene of an exciting encounter one day last Aveek. On that platform Avas my Lord ShreAVsbiiry. Thither, also, Avhether by accident or design I know not, came Mrs Morehouse. When Mrs Morehouse saw the premier Earl she Avent for him Ayith a determination Avorthy of any cause. First she laid about his face Avith an umbrella, and AA'hen he got hold of that she dropped it and Avcnt at him with flists and and nails like a tigress and prizefighter combined. The spectators, of whom there Avere several, seemed to sympathize with Avhat would, I suppose, be called the weaker 1 side, and one man called out, "BraA r o, Missis! It serves him right." This is certainly retributive justice. But it is rather hard to be handled so roughly by one's future mother-in-law. It is fair to remember, too, that Lord Shrewsbury is a small man ; and as there is still so much talk of "lacking," and the like, it seems to me that if this operation is to take place, one of his OAvn sex and size should be detailed to do it. In all my remembrance of threats of kicking, I never yet heard of a little man threatening to kick a big one. On the other hand, I never heard of many big men threatening to kick a little one and failing to do it,"..