THE STUD ON ELGIN

Observer, Volume 1, Issue 12, 4 December 1880, Page 97

THE STUD ON ELGIN

An awful ''antidote" (as Garrar.d would sky) readies. me apropos of a smaH evangelical, tea-j party, given, by a parson, well-known in police, circles, not many days ago. This cleric, so thej story goes, has a son (a boy 13 or 14), Who is full, 1 of fun and a perfect demon for mischief.' Hear-j ing there was going to bo a' solemn " ihiiffin' struggle." with' prayers afterwards, .this young! wretch pondered awhile, and then going, to ,dnj adjacent chemist's, purchased a small- bottle, of croton oil. Oh the evening of the party he! returned home from school early, and awaiting his opportunity emptied a portion of the mcdi-; cine into the tea-pot. Well, the guests (mostly! elderly ladies), came, and the meal passed off most satisfactorily. . One or two, it is said,j thought there was a queer taste about the tea,i but the nastiness was not strong enough to be very noticeable. The parson himself, who is a 1 great tea drinker, certainly remarked it.djd.not seem .very nice, but nevertheless drank several cupfulls in succession. After grace was said,; the ladies sat themselves down to sew, and the minister, as per usual, began to read to them; He had not, liowever, proceeded very far before an agonized expression flitted .across his, intel-! lectual countenance, and Ids left-hand jiivoluiii tarily sought the region of his waistcoat. A bout the same time two or three old ladies became seriously indisposed, and a minute! or two later fled from the room. This was the sign for a general stampede. The minister, with, mar? vcllous celerity; disappeared into his bedroom,; the guests went hurriedly home, and the imp? isli boy was left surveying the ruin he had wrought. Fortunately > emesis was nigh. Twd hours later, forgetting all about the matter, he stole into the kitchen, and seeing a cup of tea on the dresser drank it absently up. Ten mm: utes after ihe poor boy was even worse than his father, and then of course out came the truth. Whether the parson birched him deponent snyeth not, but there can be no doubt he richly deserved it.

'„ On board ship it is by no means uncommon for liquors and eatables to be dosed with jalap or croton oil for .specific purposes. During the last voyage of the "Famenoth,". jams, pastry, and puddings were perpetually disappearing, till at length the skipper wishing to discover the culprits, "dosed" a batch of tarts The result was eminently satisfactory. . Within an hour every one on board knew who the robbers were, and I need scarcely say, they never repeated the offence. Stewards are frequently caught out by the same dodge. On board the " Great Britain " one voyage, the brandy was always vanishing from the bottles in a certain rack. The doctor hearing of the matter, dosed a bottle, and next morning one of the stewards was pronounced seriously ill. Dr. S. went to see him, and observing that he looked dreadfully bad, asked what was the matter. After some humming and haw-ing, the poor wretch confessed to the theft, upon which the Doctor started dramatically back and cried, " Heavens, there was rat poison in that bottle." On this the steward grew so ill that it became absolutely necessary to tell him the truth and reassure" him.' . ;

, Some . little, curiosity has been e^pited 'in'j^* senting • circles by the strange conduct of -.a youthful pastor, who, -without giying^ his .e,pija mittee any warning, or providing for his puipit, went off upr^cbiinitTy with a young lady last Saturday. "As the rev. gentleman is' eflga^ed to a girl in ; Sydney, and moreover seems -to have paid a good deal of attention to'aeVeral Auckland ladies, his eticentric journey has led. t'o.ahy q\iantity of scandal. It is; anticipated that all will be explained ' Satisfactorily. ;:- • '■■''' ■'•■ t

; The . lipnrtamer jn connection with;., jCole?s ■ cir.cns ". tells, an exciting story about, an accident which. . bef e}l his charges whils|t !in ' "Vf e^fern Africa,. -The .circus. it appears /wa^ OTepaKißg .to t?tart . ;la'te one night (alter a .performance) ;rpm the capital of one state to 'tlie- capital' of ;The menagerie cages \yere>pSiVsafs(y oii the .train, and the engine began 'to jnovp.off. TJnfortuWtely, when passing ijnaer: a', bridge near the station, tlie top of the, lion .'cage'gQt knocked off, and there was a tremendous commotion. The lionesses were f lightened, ; , and lay' trembling at tlie bottom of iahe 1 cage; 'but th 6 lion gave a furious leap, an^ ! clearing top bar disappeared into the bush. Of course the tfaiti, was stopped, and all the rijto'^rid keepers set ;off in j»ursuit. f It was a ; pitcft.flarjk night,' 1 and for a long time thte setfrbfrp't^Ve^ 'fruitless. At 'length a' piteous squealing' wfis heard abbtit'a quarter of a milecbiF.^atid^'cila proceeding in the direction from whence it came, thejiioii-tamer found hisiinaj'est^jfiifttdng y& ireaU i in.. .a ; cow-house,, loff, :an ainfottUnate heifer. As soon as possible thelbeasts} ca^e - was , brought : and . rttn .tip ; opposite, .thendppr. iof the ,shed.; . ■ Mr. . Gonklin . then entered, - , 'and riiarching/ \ip,.to the .. infuriated brute,- 'deliberately whipped him into n. corner, wbilstbisiassipitants ".busfeled^thei ihree-^arts dead cow tin* .side the edge! iDirectly this wag. done [the; men stood aparlb, and . the. lion, sniffing the carcase, rushed after itj and was locked. in.;. They 'then dragged the beast jubilantly back to the tfraia, and proceeded on their joiirney as, though, nothing had happened.

Plucky andconfidentthoiighConkliiijthe.iioiitamer: aeems to be, he is nevertheless ;fully impressed with the belief that he willi eventually he destroyed hy his pets. The big elephatft, it iinay; .be.iirientioned, lias, already killed tw.o keepers.^ Cole's elephants are funny creatures. They will allow visitors to come aiuli stroke them and take all manner of liberties .-■with them, but if a circus attendant: ,gbe3f within cooey of their trunks he is promptly knocked down, : . . . .

People who complain about items slipping into the Observer which would be better out, can have very little idea what difficulties I have to contend, with. Every post brings a lot of paragraphs, good, bad, and indifferent, '.some of which have to be re-writien aiict translated for insertion," whilst others go into the wastepaper "basket. It is the translation that is: the

difficulty. Very often a par., which seems simple and innocent enough bn-the surface, has an insulting meaning "sub rosa;" which though quite incomprehensible to me, is clear enough to the unfortunate victim Then of course the latter becomes my deadly enemy, and blackguards me freely. Meanwhile I am fancying that he is chuckling over the chaff, and saying what a capital paper the Observer is.

All this, is apropos of a paragraph which appeared in last issue re two Port Albert settlers having joined the Mormons. To go into details would only be to make things worse, so I will merely say that the story is, from first to last, untrue. The gentleman and lady referred to have not joined the Mormons, and are not likely to join them. Neither is the gentleman going to leave the district. Where my contributor got his information from, and what prompted him to send it me I can't conceive. _ I nope, however, he will be riiore careful in future. Such mistakes might lead to serious trouble.

Judge Macdonald can make a caustic retort when he likes. The other day he had occasion to administer a reproof to the bar generally, for the precipitancy with which cases are often "brought into Court, and afterwards adjourned whenever a flaw occurs, or when the evidence proves insufficient, as it not unfrequently does. Mr.- Thbrne, assuming the role of apologist for himself andfellow brethren of the wig and gown ventured the remark that the defendants, he feared, were sometimes allowed to escape from no oilier cause than his Honor's softness of heart.. The judge promptly rejoined that it "was rather the " softness " of the evidence than any tenderness of heart on his part which produced such a result.

Mr. Tyler has a keen sense of humour, and . cracks excellent jokes both in and out of Court. ' Last week he was defending a trio of Howick youths, who were being sued.in the R.M. Court, by a fellow villager, for certain costs which he .had been put to in consequence of several of his teeth having been knocked out by them with a pipi shell. The plaintiff was a bashful young man, and the unconscionable lawyer succeeded in covering him with blushing confusion by asking if it was not true that his front teeth 1 had had the effect of disfiguring his face, and that with the view of gaining favour with his inamorata he had five teeth draw, merely • vamping up the "pipi shell yarn " in order to ; saddle three innocent young men with the expense. Of course the plaintiff indignantly " denied " the base insinhvation, " but Tyler had his laugh neyerthless. The Court, it need scarcely be said, joined in heartily.

,By the way the youths and maidens of Howick go in for Sunday amusements on an extensive scale. The beach is the popular resort, and the favourite games are "shell skimming " and cricket, varied occasionally by kiss-in-the-ring and French tig. Where are the clerics ? They had better be on the alert or our. country cousins will demoralise us.

Father Walter McDonald is an astute : ecclesiastic. He has convened a meeting of • the faithful, to be held after vespers next Sun- - day, in the Cathedral. The business for consideration is the question of erecting a new •Cathedral. He well knows that within the -precincts of the sanctuary on a Sunday evening no difference of opinion is likely to arise, and s that the word of the clergy will not be gainsaid. • The members of the flock, however, judging by .' their remarks, do not appreciate the little ruse, and there is a great deal of grumbling in consequence.

I have been confidentially informed, that on Sunday last the Rev. A. W. Webb was fulminating from the pulpit of the Baptist Church against the Observer. I think there must be some mistake in the matter however, for I

- know the rev. gentleman to be one of my most < regular subscribers. The runner boy who serves him tells me that he is always on the look out ' for the paper on Friday mornings, and I am i personally indebted to him for a flattering reference which he made to the journal recently j at' Mount Eden. He is one of my best supporters, and I shall therefore require • clear evidence before I can believe that he is becoming unfriendly.

Robert Brown, who terminated his life with a dose of poison last Saturday, was a really goodhearted fellow, who made friends wherever he went. He had not an enemy on the wharf , though he worked there for the last ten years, and the news of his death caused a feeling of unfeigned regret to pervade the whole shipping community. Whatever might have been his failings, they sink into utter insignificance when placed beside his good qualities. Domestic infelicity has been assigned as the chief cause of the rash act, and those who were well acquainted with the unfortunate man know that it is only too probable. His family history during the last few years has been a sad one, but it is not my duty to pry into such matters.

I cannot pass over the announcement of the death of Mrs. Willcocks, without paying a tribute to the many virtues of the deceased lady. She came to the colony many years ago, when things were not as " couleur de rose" for new comers as time has made them now. She put her hands to the work of colonisation with a will, and both here and at Taranaki, bore with a most cheerful and undaunted spirit, the burden heat and of the day. To young people especially, she was a most land and steadfast friend, thinking no pains or trouble too much which gave them help or pleasure. Her charities were many, and her whole life was a series of self-sacrifice and devotion. The floral treasures, which yesterday and to-day have been laid upon her by young and loving fingers, are but a fitting tribute to the worth of one who only lived to give them pleasure. Mrs. Willcocks never recovered the shock of her daughter's death in Sydney, now about eight, months jauce. ■ '

Owing to the utter impossibility of procuring any tinted paper, either in Melbourne or Sydney, the next few issues of this journal will have to be done on white. * s'' soon as possible, however, the tinted paper will' be resumed. I notice, by the way, that the Sydney " Bulletin" is in the same fix as ourselves.