Savory Morsels

Thames Star, Volume XVI, Issue 5073, 18 April 1885, Page 3

Savory Morsels

11 Poor John, ho was a kind and for* bearing husband," sobbed the widow pn her return from the funeral. " Yes," said a sympathising neighbour, "but it is all for the best. You must try and comfort yourself, my dear, with the thought that your husband is at peace at last." A woman at Sheldon, Dakota territory, was every much disturbed by a "saloon^ keeper selling whiskey to her .husband. She interviewed tho saloon keeper with a ' six shooter and ordered him fco close hisplace, remarking that she had killed one saloon fcoeper and would soon mnko him a i fit subject for the undertaker if he didn't. He closed. •' I u?ed to be foud of poker," he said, and the expression of his face became retrospective; " but, sencelgot four acesdowned out in Missoury, I hoy sorter gin playjn' the-game." "Your opponent had a straight flush, did ho ? " No; he hed five jacks." " That's impossible. 1' " Stranger, hey you ever played poker in Missou'ry ?" "No sir." " Well, if you ever do set down in a game out thar, and a red'eyod nian, whose clothes smell of cattle, whittles a corner off the table, and allows that he hez five jacks, just bunch your kiards in the pack, and say, ' That's gord.'"—Key;; York Sun. A poor Irishman was asked by a Judge | if a certain witness with whom ho professed to bo acquainted was of good •haracter. "Well, your honour," was the reply," "lie rades the£oi,ble, he plays tho fcddle, be never whips the old woman, and, now that he takes a dhrop of good whiskey, I don't know what more ye would say for a man." •'I ace you advertise goods to be sold for a mere song," said he, as ho stepped into a furniture shop. " Yes, sir," answered the gentlemanly proprietor. '* Well, now, let me see, I like that red plush sofa there, and I'll sing you ' When tbhe Robins Nest Again ' for it." At last account ho was able to sit up in bod, and if he continues to improve he will probably be out in a week. Lord Chesterfield having, on a certain occasion;respectfully remonstrated against, an appointment which George 11. wished him to make, the king, enraged, exclaimed: " Veil, appoint te teffil if you like.'' "As your mbjesty pleases" replied Chesterfield, " and shall the instrument be filled up in ! the usual way: 'To onr right, trusty, welN [ beloved cousin and counsellor?' "'■ . t , "I understand you have lost your mother- in-law : . Sorry to hear it, of, course !" " Thanks ! By the way, I must look up an epitaph for the dear old lady. Can you suggest anything? She wa eighty—the dear old body—and had lived with us for more than forty years." " Wby, yes! How would this do?" At Last!'" \ , 1 At a subnrban'boardinghousei a young man celled for his friend to go for a stroll. 1 He was told that his friend was taking a bath, and, after waiting for about ten minutes', he enquired his way to the bath* room. He was directed where to find it, and on reaching the door he gave a loud knock and hastily enquired—" When are you going to get those pants on ?" There was a faint giggle, and a silvery voice replied—" When I get married, I suppose." He had only mistaken the door, that's all.