Savory Morsels.

Thames Star, Volume XVI, Issue 5061, 2 April 1885, Page 4

Savory Morsels.

"AN AMATEUR T^PE-SETTING d A mistaken ides obtained with us, says an .editor the other day, viz.: that' we * could Bet type. Wo had seen it done almost daily for years, and if "we could not ■ do it ourselres.we felt that we would like to "know the reason why. Selecting the time when the eye of man was remote from our composing room, we armed our^ ■elf with a stick, preparatory to a compost tion that should produce a clean proof and open our foreman's eyes. We couldn't * help chuckling as we thought how astonished he would be. We felt so "business-like and capable as we thus meditated, stick in band, that we caught burself contemplating the advisability of discharging ,the printers and doing our type-setting. Why not? We could set so much every day, and six times that would be—however,;we,would think of that later, and now to business; we would just * throw a half column of paragraphs together, to show what we could do;' Why it was,,we don't know,.; but' we have got £0 thinking about something, at inyrate we had only succeeded in getting .» four.-'liQe idea up when we were inter-. •rupted by the return of the boys from : dinner; four lines in one hour, that spoilt bur calculation, and we temporarily ' < abandoned the idea of > discharging the , typos. When-the proofs were handed to us, we locked ourselves; in- from the •cold world and hunted out our maiden effort in type-setting. W^ found iti and then we knew how different everything seems when a man finds 1 out that ho doesn't know what he has been talking about;-then we.appreciated the fact that pur devil could have stood on his head in front of the case and pickedout a better job of work with his toes. Since then we have been more.lenient with bur compositors. When we find a comma turned upsid9 dbwhi we refrain , from threatening to discharge every man in the office,-and when our foreman comes to us for advice we find ourselfes meekly requesting him to do .whaterer he deems best. Our .proud spirit is brokeni and this is what burst it:—" Tqe SohJ? .oj ?ha ciacniaE SBA—i'ra sBA-dns? Wxpti I tixS." -: - '■•■■-• -•-• -■' '■- :■■'■■'■- '

Professor (to clasa in mineralogy)— " Can you recall a mineral recurring in the liquid form?" Philosophical student .r-'! Milk; because it comes in quarts." He cbuld not be called a dull boy who, when his teacher had given out one morn> ing as a reading lesson 1 that portion of "The Merchant of Venice "in *rhich the "poand.df flesh "scene occurs, aad had put the question of what :Shylock meant when he 1 said ■* My deeds upon my head," made the following reply—■" Well,_ I don't know, unless 'it means he carried his papers in his hat." ,",. v" We hey summer, said a coloured orator, as he pulled down his vest, " vi border dat watermelyons may ripen, an' we her.winter dat 'possums may fatten up. We? hey sixteen thousand four hundred and : fifty-six ,changes of weather in de course of Sy a'ar in order to accommodate all minds as fur as possible. We hey moonlight nights fur such pu|SOHs as-may be behindhand in hoein' corn or sawin' wood, an' we hey dark an' cloudy uights fur de benefit of burglars, <sats an' gas companies. Natur' didn't'makede kentry all mountains nor all, prairie, kas she realised dat de scenery, would be monotonous. Had de sile been all sand, we could hey raised nunin.but Bwcet taters. -Had it bin all clay ire should hey , run, largely to wheat, an' crowded de price down to sixteen' cents per bushel, iDe .ocean, was' made salty bo dat de-corpses of horses, cows, dogs, and eats dumped into itoff Coney Island wouldn't interfere wid 'de seaside hotel bisinessV-i -De lakesr war made fresh in order dat Chicago an' Buffalo might once in a while change deir drinks. Pack am, my hearers, mau;.Btn a grain of sand when cpmpayed to natur'! While she has made eberythia' for de bos', an' in de.bes' way, de wisest man on airth, had he bin giben de job of makin' a yaller dog, would hey ■got:deiDre'-anVhiTj'dleg'B;aH'mixed'up, an' left de tail off altogederl" ' , '.;

How-to Db'lt.—" Make your husbands comfortable at home and they will not go out ih-.the evening," exclaimed a Cincinnati preacher latelyV ,The next day Cincinnati wives were anxiously inquiring about the price of beer>by the keg.—Philadelphia caur- ■'■<''■:-'" ■•-.:-/-■'■■■-■'■■"■;- •■'■■ .■■■■..■ Newspaper reporters will ail ways be s found?fault with until they can write up an account of a street fight that will please the man who gets licked.-r-New;Orleans Picayune. :"- ■'/v;:'.; "''■■?.'■■<■ '■'-'■.■■:/ '<•.»: -'i f ■