THE ADVERTISEMENT MILLENNIUM.

Thames Star, Volume XV, Issue 4815, 14 June 1884, Page 4

THE ADVERTISEMENT MILLENNIUM.

Advertising has become a fine art, and those who have wares to dispose of are constantly racking their brains to discover new methods of sounding the praises of their goods, and drawing public attention to their special commodities. Auctioneers' have not been behindhand, and land sales have caused to be developed new methods cf advertising which do credit alike to the enterprise and ingenuity of the auctioneers. So much by way of proem. -

One evening a reverend clergyman sat in his study, preparing his sermon for the following Sunday, when a visitor was announced upon urgent business. As soon as he was ushered into the clergyman's sanctum, he began abruptly, and without apology :— ■ " You v are to preach at All Sinners Church next Sunday; May I enquire the subject of your sermon."

11 Certainly," replied the clergyman, a little surprised that a stranger should feel such an interest in the matter. "It is upon the evils of speculation/ " Good, very good," mused the visitor^ " You run it pretty rough on mining, I suppose." " Yes," replied the clergyman. "I purpose dealing severely with the folly, of rash speculation in gold mines." " Capital !" chuckled the stranger; " and you warm 'em up about horse-rac-ing, and betting, and gambling." "I shall deal with these subjects as matters for the very strongest reproba» tion,'said the clergyman. "Grand!"- cried the visitor, in an ecstasy of delight. " Then I think we can make a deal after having popped it on hot and strong on all these evils and of speculation. I want you to ring in a new gang on the congregation to the effect that the only safe way to invest money is in land, and that everyone of your beloved brethren should; not fail to purchase an allotment in the Jerusalem Estate, from 3very part of which magnificent views can be had of the Bay and the surrounding scenery." <

" Sir!" began jthe clergyman. "Now don't you agitate your gastric juice. I don't mind paying a good price for the advertisement, because it would be a regular novelty. If you could not contrive to jerk 'erri a few particulars as to tbe extraordinary reasonable terms, and advise them to call at the auctioneers for plans before you come to the final Amen, I don't object to standing twenty-five pounds. "What do you say ? Will you take the ad ?", , When the clergyman had finished gasping for breath, and had got his eyes back into their sockets, from which his amazed surprise had started them, he Said " lam astonished, sir, at such a monstrous—l may say such a blasphemous— proposal. Your audacity positively paralyses me. Why, I wonder you don't want your advertisements printed in the revised edition of the Bible." I

"Yes," said the auctioneer, calmly, " I did think of that plan ; but though you might get your ad. into every house (hat way, that isn't enough. You want it read, and* somehow or another, I don't think people go in for opening tbeir Bibles too often. ■ Bat if you'll run us in your sermon—" , "Never, sir," exclaimed the justly indignant clergyman, "I am surprised at your impudence in daring to suggest such a sacrilege. Allow me to wish you a very good evening." . 11 Well," said the visitor, preparing to take his.departure, " 1 think you're standing in your own light in not taking the offer. However, it takes two to make a bargain, and if you're not on, of course I must consider the matter as.off." ; When the auctioneer got outside the parsonage, he communed thus with himself t " And yet I always understood that the general run of parsons would do anything in reason, if there was money (o be gained by it. This clergyman appears to be an exception. He is a fool." The auctioneer is now seriously considering the advisability of inserting an advertisement in The Daily Telegraph, railing for tenders from clergymen willing 'to run in his advertisement of the sale of the choice lots of the Jerusalem Estate in their Sunday sermons.