Page 3 Advertisements Column 1

Thames Star, Volume XV, Issue 4701, 31 January 1884, Page 3

A MULTIPLICITY OF GUIDES. "We hope we don't intrude, but we thought we would come in and ask if it would be any trouble to let us see the inside of a newspaper office." The managing editor sprang to his feet, and the law reporter covered his lunch with his hat. The exchange editor poured his ink into his bottle of beer to make it look innocent, and the rest of the staff crowded around the two blushing damsels, eager to offer assistance. " Certainly " replied the managing editor/smoothing down his hair, and approaching the fair i guest. " This is my room, and there is the peg I hang my hat on. Only the peg seems to have come up through the hat lately. I mijst have that peg fixed. This is my—-" "Perhaps the ladies would rather see my editorial on the rise and progress of mission schools," interrupted the religious editor, pointing towards his own desk. " Never been in a-newspaper office be- j v fore?" he inquired tenderly, as the girls j turned towards him. " I sit here at this table, and in this drawer is where I keep my.-" «'I think I can show you one of the most important legal decisions ever rendered," ■■', observed the law reporter, taking one of the girls gently by the arm and making off with her in the direction of his desk. " You know the law has always been—" I suppose you really want to see the practical workings of an office," ■gmiled the exchange editor bowing very low. "If you will step here to my department I will show you on what all the Taßtinachineryoftbisinstitution rests,"and the exchange editor gallantly offered his arm, and motioned towards his den. "Of course you would be more interested in the weddings," observed the society reE otter, feeling confident that he had the ogle on the whole business. ".If you will be kind enough to come this way I will show you my account of a swell affair that came off on the Heights last night. The bride " " This is where all the local news is put together in shape," chipped in the city editor. " Everything that happens in Brooklyn has tq pass through my hands, and I will be glad to show you how it is done, if you be good enough to take chairs in my little office." "Have you come to visit a newspaper establish men ?" asked the cashier, who happened to drop into the editorial department at that moment. " Yes, sir," iiltered one of the bewildered girls. ** Then come down stairs, and see me make up the list of marriages and deaths. You will be ahead of everybody in town!" "Won't that be nice !" giggled the girl, fluttering out after him. "We will know all about it before the paper comes out." And the triumphant cashier stalked out while the staff sat down to get up a re- ■ monstrance against that cashier's interference' with the regular business of the office in the future. Remember This. If you are sick Hop Bitters will surely aid Nature in making tou well when all else fails. If you are costive or dyspeptic, or are ■offering from any other of the numerous diseases of the stomach or bowels, it is your « •*n fault if you remain ill; for Hop Bitters is i » sovereign remedy in all such, complants. '■',: IS you are wasting away-.with any form of Kidney disease, stop tempting death this moment, and turn for a cure to Hop Bitters. If you are sick with tbafc terrible sickness Nervousness, you will find a " Balm in Gilead " in the use of Hop Bitters. If you are a frequenter or a resident of a miasmatic district, barricade your system against the scourge of all countries—malarial, epidemic, bilious, and intermittent fevers—by the use of Hop Bitters. • If you have rough, pimply, or ealjow skin, bad breath, pains and aches, and feel miserable .generally. Bop'Bitters will give you fair ikin, rich blood, and sweetest breath, healih, and comfort. In ehort, they cure all diseases of the iStomach, Bowelsj Blood, Liver, Nerves, Kidrieyii Brjght's Disease. £500 will be paid for • case they will not cure or help. Druggists and Chemists keep. That poor, bedridden, invalid wife, nflter, mother, or daughter, can be made the picture of health by a few bottles of Hop Bitters, costing but a trifle. Will you let them •uffer ? ' ■ ' A late minister of Peebles has been discoursing on the sin of falsehood, and 'pourtrayed the unhallowed consequence of indulging in the practice. A small '-*■ trader in the place, whose conscience had ! been for the moment aroused, exclaimed : '* The minister needna hae been sae hard, for there's plenty o' leers in Peebles beside me!" The following is from the latter portion of an extremely affectionate poetical epißtle addressed to an Irish Maiden :— I'm yours to command both in ' ', Weepin' and laughter ■ I'm awake all the night, that of you . I may dhramej I'd bang myself now, if you d marry me afther: And though I may change, 111 ever be the same. In reply to the yeung lady signing her- . self " A Pretty Girl of Fifteen," in regard to removing freckles from her face, I j would lay that I have a very simple remedy. That is to bathe her face in eologne water after tea, and have it ' brushed with a carefully-selected moustache. It will at least cause them to be forgotten. Catabbh of, the BiiADDEB. —Stinging irritation, inflammation, all Kidney and similar Complaints, cured by " Buchu-paiba. —Moses, Moss and Co. Sydney, General Amenta. . .

< General Notices ACADEMY OF MUSIC. a^HB GOODS remaining from the late Catholic Bazaar -will be SOLD by AUCTION in the above place on THIS (Thursday) EVENING, at 8 o'clock. Vi U N E D I N p U P, Run Femtjaby 21st, 1884. •A. LEO'S CONSULTATION On the abore event is NOW OPEN. 2 000 Members at 10s each ; to be divided as ' follows:— Fir»t Horse £400 Second Horse £200 Third Hone £100 Starters ... »• - £200 Other acceptors £100 £lpC9 Application by letter only, enclosing two stamps, with exchange on cheque*, or by money orders, bank notes, or drafts. P.O. Orders preferred when procurable Address: A LEO care of Aefbbd Kidd, Box 237, '■Sort Office, Shortland street, Auckland. 2654 . Tbb best test ol the interest of a book is it§ capability of bom* read ia second tune, ditto UnUTU.'. '■'