MR SPOOPENDYKE'S DRESS COAT.

Thames Star, Volume XIV, Issue 4497, 4 June 1883, Page 2

MR SPOOPENDYKE'S DRESS COAT.

"My dear/ said Mrs Spoopendyke, backing away from her refreshment table and regarding the effect with: her Head very much on one side; "my 'dear, what are you going to wear when <W friends call on Monday ?" " Clothes, Isuppose,'-' returned Mr Spoopendyke, looking up from his paper. "Why, has the fashion changed about wearing clothes ?" and Mr Spoopendyke regarded his wife with an anxious look of inquiry. ■" Bat you should wear your Swallowtail coat, by all means," continued Mrs- Spoopendyke." All the gentlemen wear swallowtail ooAts when they give receptions now." " Will, if you think you are going to strap me up in a two-lined coat and start me around this town looking like the head waiter of a dollar-and-a-half summer resort,your just as badly left as a one-armed man at a church supper! I may be ass enough to hop round to the various old hen roosts, wishing the contents a happy New Year, but when you melt me into a clothespin jacket it'll be when reason no long 6" holds her seat in this brain V ' With'whicli Happy application of a trite quotation Mr Spoopendyke settled himself buck and . contemplated his wife with a lofty glance of superiority. "Of course, if you don't waut to," replied Mrs Spoonpendyke. soothingly, " there won't be soy very great objection raised to your .b\i3inuas.\ suit. Besides, now that-1 thisk tf it, ihk moths got into your draea cent, and I doa.?fithink it is fit to be seer," and she put..ik-'-------few finishing touches oa her üblej aa4 .%.

admired it '^from another standpoint. „',' Lot's see it!"-demanded Mr Spoonpendyke, springing from bis chair and mak ing for his closet, closely followed by his wife. "What's the matter with it? What's the moth got to do with it ? Who put moths in it?" And Mr . Spoopendyke rummaged round and fired his clothing in all directions in his vain search for the particular garment. " Where is it r" he howled, scattering his wardrobe broadcast. "Have the moths eaten it all up ? 'Didn't they leave even a buttonhole? Show me my coat! Bring out the split in the tails? If there's • nothing else left, give me one last fond glance at the arm-holes!" and Mr Spoopendyke kicked his best trousers to ' the ceiling, following them with a vest, which be supplemented with a pair of boots. "Show me the great North American moth fodder! Fetch forth tbe unparalleled diet for the moth! Are we a notion ?" yelled Mr Spobpen* dyke, jamming his thumb in the door and hopping around tbe room with the •/injured digit in his mouth. "Hang the door!" he howled, bringing, it a pro digious kick that bent his leg under him like a school girl's. " Did you hurt yourself, dear," asked Mrs Spoopendyke, wringing her hands and dodging Iho flying boots and clothing. " Does it look as if I'd hurt the door any ?" demanded Mr Spoopendyke, jabbing his thumb in his armpit and bendiDg double with the pain. *• Does that door give the impression of having smashed its thumb anywhere? Why didn't the moths eat the door ? Hoist 'em out and gife 'em a feed?" And Mr Spoopendyke caueht, tbe offending ' wicket by the, knobs and tugged until he was out of breath. " Perhaps it isn't so bad after all," murmured Mrs Spoopendyke, following him around the room in a fruitless effort to catch up with '.'--him. "Praps it ain't !•" roared Mr Spoopendyke, bold his thumb out at arm's length. " Praps you've got some scheme for making it worse! Olv KO ahead! Don't mind me! Take the thumb, friend, and do yonr worst!" And Mr Spoopendyke dropped into his chair and groaned with wrath. "B't a good thing for this family that I can control myself.'" he howled. 'If I were like most men the lot on which this house stands would be a good place to build !" With this solemn prophecy Mr Spoopendyke sprung to his feet, kicked the chair into the obnoxious closet and snorted aloud. Ididn't mean your thumb, dear," explained Mrs Spoopendyke ; " I was talking about the coat. Maybe the coat isn't in such a bad condition as I supposed it was at first?" "Think they left a pocket anywhere ?" inquired ' Mr Spoopendyke, with a grimace half pain, half anger. "Or p'raps you think that since the moths eat the coat, I can wear the moths ! Bring them out! Hold 'em up while I climb into the sleeves ! That's your idea ? • That's the notion that's been bothering you so long ?" " T don't know but what you can wear the coat, anyway?" chirped Mrs Spoopendyke, looking up cheerfully, and opening the door of her closet, where she had carefully hung the coat after sponging it that very day. "You can look at it, anyhow," and she brought it out, looking as new and fresh as when ' he bought it. ll Then there's something you don't know ?" he grumbled, eyeing his rejuvenated garment with a critical eye. "If all you don't know could only be dumped in together, what an idiot asylum . it would make for some young and grow- . ing territory. Taking you all in all you 1 only want am air pump and a glass side to be a vacuum: ' Gimme the coat," and Mr Spoppendyke grasped his garment, and threw it ov«r his wife's work-basket for safe keeping, a«d then went to bed wrapped in a cloud of growls. " I don't care," murmured Mrs Spoopecdyke ; "it was ■"; the only way I could have got him to wear 'T" -the coat,and.it's no sure thing that be will wear it now. Anyhow, I don't think he will wear bis new kid gloves I bought him nnless-bis thumb gets better fast, and if he can't I can change them for a pair that will fit me," and with this determi- . • nation Mrs Spoopendyke went to bed.