AN UNPROFITABLE EXPEDIENT.

Thames Star, Volume XIIV, Issue 4471, 4 May 1883, Page 3

AN UNPROFITABLE EXPEDIENT.

° Yon have been playing the brute at a rapid rate," said his Honor, when Pnilip Bailey was charged in the Jefferson Market Court with wife»beating. " Can you reeoneile yourself to your wife ?" " Mariar," safd Philip, and he tried to look his sweetest, "Mariar, I didn't b'liere you'd done this. I didn't reckon as how you'd erer hare fetched your busband wot lores yon so, inter a court of jostice all for a little frolic o' bisn, I didn't think that of yer, Maaiar, dear." He pumped the water into his eye 3by ' some hydraulic process that seemed to distress him greatly, and looked the em- - bodiment of reproachful innocence. The woman hesitated, but his honor : said : '• You are a nice fellow to call this frolic, you are. Look at that woman's eyes. They're blackened, and that's an ugly bruise on the side of her bead. You are frolicsome with a vengeance when you get agoing." •• T'wat only sport, jedge," Phillip persisted. "Want that all Mariar, love?" The woman was silent.

" P'raps he was only funnin'," said the hesitating creature: His honor heard it all, but he only »aid :— "You'll love your wife hereafter ?" " Dewotedly. I'll dote on 'ur." " You'll not fall to punching and kicking her, all for fun ?" " I'll ose her like if she'd melt."

" No more abuse or hard words ?" " I'll be mum as au eister." "Philip Bailej ?" Judge.—-" You're a consummate bypoerite. I heard what you said to your wife just now, and I'll see that you don't show net your devotion for a month at least." Philip dropped the mask at once. " Mariar," he called out, " I'm power- : ful gone on you; oh yes; and I'm ■ deroted and all that, ole woman ; hut I've got a pair of fists and hoofs what are tolerable on the kick, and when I get out I'll use 'em for all they're worth." , "Will you?" said the justice. "I'll see that they give you a stone cracker and make you use it for all its worth. Just doable the time."