VARIETIES.

Thames Star, Volume XIV, Issue 4407, 17 February 1883, Page 4

VARIETIES.

It may be set down as an axiom that when a person grows fat- he grows waistful.

What is the extreme penalty for bigamy? Two mothers' in-law.

" As we charged," says a war correspondent, ■' the bugles blew." It must have been a trumped-up charge.

A local Mrs Malaprop gushingly says that she does so love to sit at the piano in the gloaming and impoverish."

A philosopher says: "In the economy of nature nothing is lost. The inside of an orange may refresh one man, whilst the outside of the same fruit may serve as a medium for breaking another man's leg.

Seventy-five pounds decomposed potato tops are equal in value, in the nitrogen they contain, to lOOlbs of farmyard manure.

" My lord," said the foreman of an Irish jury, when giving in the verdict, "wefind the man who stole the mare not guilty." It sounds a little paradoxical to say that the man whose life is insured must die to recover, but it is nevertheless true,

' The man who goes fishing and sits in a cramp-inviting position position on a narrow thwart from early morn to dewy eve, and calls it " fine," is the same man that never goes to church because the pews are not comfortable.

The owner of a pair of bright eyes says that the prettiest compliment she ever received came from a child of four years. The little fellow, after looking intently at her eyes a moment, inquired naively, " Are your eyes new ones ?"•/ Architect (to De Newvo Ritch, who is considering the front elevation of a projected residence) ; " If you do not like thqsetpwers,,Mr Ritch, we can have them eliminated." De Newvo Ritch: "They're real han'some as they be ; but if 'liminatin' on'em would make 'em han'somer, let's have 'em 'liminated."

The following is so good we hope it is true :—The Bishop of Sodor and Man was recently at a railway station, and he asked a porter to look to his luggage and put it into the van. " How many articles, your lordship ?" said the man. " Thirtynine/' replied the prelate, with a humorous twinkle—we dare not say a wink—to the lady beside him. " That's too many, I'm afraid," said the man in perfect good faith. " Oh," said the Bishop, " I perceive you are a Dissenter."