"Why he Left 'Em."

Thames Star, Volume XIV, Issue 4399, 8 February 1883, Page 4

"Why he Left 'Em."

. A Mobal Lesson. " Yes, sir," said the seedy man with 1 the gin-and-water nose, "Ijoined 'em,' as you profanely put it, a twelfemonth , ago come next Toosday, and, as you partickarly want to know why I left 'em and has stood treat like a genehnan, I'll go so far against my own nateral feelings in the matter, and tell you why I left 'em. " Well, sir you be'old in me a Wictiro, aye, a Wictim to bis own nobleness of purpose—his own goodness of—cr —er—. . . I, sir, am—l mean—was—a Philanthropist, a benefactor to:my species.* Without transgressing the strictest limits of truth, and speaking with my usual modesty, I may say that in me yon behold a being who has done good to an extent ■Which may. only bedescribed,3B ipcalcni-.. able, and—cr —ineffable. " For it is—l mean it was—my proud ;mission to be one of the Army specially selected to convert the wicked from the paths of Wice to walks of Wirtue; to point out to Backsliders the error of their ways; to wrestle—nay, to desist not from the noble work till the Backslider became a Wessel, e?en as your 'unable servant. Strange to relate, nevertheless, some Backsliders objects to being done good to. Alas I oh, alas ! " I will now, sir, come to the point. It was on this very evening last week that I called upon a notorious Backslider, a well known butcher in the Noo Cut. I commenced proceeding, according to custom, by presenting him with two appropriate tracts, entitled ' The Thief in the Dark ' and ' The Unjust Butcher.' " Strange to say, however, these did not have quite the proper effect upon that butcher they did ought to. He straightway became exceeding red in the face, and asked me ' What I took him for ?' " I replied ' for a Backslider, of course, and Butcher of Iniquity,' and commenced to exhort him as suoii. After an interval of a few minutes, he said * What are you a-goin' on like that for?' "T replied ' Friend, I am thus proceeding for thy good.' He said 'He didn't want doing good to.' " I replied ' Friend perchance not,' and continued my good-giving. " Presently he asked if it, would take long ? " I replied ' Brother, that wiil depend upon these,' and continued as before. " This seemed to have an effect upon him, for he scratched his head meditatively. Then he went to a cupboard and, after pulling forth several pairs of boots, selected one- pair with soles of exceeding thickness, and garnished with many nails. He put these on, and sat down pensively . "After, another brief interval, he enquired if I was going on much longer ?' " I answered ' I shall continue to wrestle till I overcome it.' "He said, ♦ Oh!' "I then proceeded with my exhortations, and was going on very nicely indeed, wbenihe interrupted again. "He stood up, and said he was a»getting hungry. Was there much more a-coming ? " I replied, "Backslider, that dependeth on thyself.' "He said, 'Ah!' then he sat down, and commenced to carefully lace up bis boots; : ";Deeming from this that he was in a hurry to go out, I exhorted him more than ever, and brought forth my strongest set of adjectives. Some of these in the superlative degree seemed rather to surprise him', and he shook his head at one or two, as if striving to dodge them. ' "Presently he said, 'He thought he'd had about enough.' " I replied, 'Dost feel better, O Backslider ?:■: •■ " He said. He felt a trifle overcome, but he would be better shortly, after he had releived his feelings a bit 1 " I replied. ' Backsliding Butcher, glad am I to hear this,' and began to put on my gloves with my feelings quite relieved, for had I. not done my duty—bad I not done him good P " Whilst in the act of stopping for my hat, which I had placed on the floor, I became conscious of a kind of fiendish chuckle behin4me ' I . then became conscious of a mean and dastardly advantage being taken of my position. . 41 The mean and dastardly advantage went on round and round the table for several minutes. " I then felt myself impelled—in the same manner—through the door into the street. . " [ don't, think there is any occasion for me to say any more, except that in all my experience I never before met with such a i painful pair of boots as that Backsliding Butcher—Thank you, sir, the same as before, if you please. "And perhaps you may understand now, sir why I left 'em."—Judy. j