VARIETIES.

Thames Star, Volume XII, Issue 4058, 31 December 1881, Page 4

VARIETIES.

> " Sir,"said a lady recently to an Aberbeen merchant," your pretty daughter has married a rich husband." " Well," slowly replied the father, "I believe she has married a rich man, but I understand he is a very poor husband."

Dibdin had a horso which he called ' Graphy. " Very odd name," said a friend.' "Not at all," responded Tom; " When I bought him it was Buy-o Graphy; when I mount him it's Top o-Graphy ; and when I want him to go its Gee-o-Graphy." That was a very pointed and possibly a i rery wholesome bit of sarcasm when a gentleman turned on a coxcomb, who had been making himself offensive,, and said, " Sir, you ought to be the happiest man in the world ; you are in love with yourself, and you hare no rival.'' A traveller was relating to a party of friends how, in some parts of the world, domestic animals are turned to account. " For instance," said he, " one evening, in Spain, I reached a-solitary inn. Close to the store lay a* dog warming itself in comfort. " What can . you give me for dinner?" I asked.the.landlady. "Pome eggs," was her reply ; and the dog looked fixedly at me. ."Eggs!"-repeated I. " That's poor sustenance for a man who' has just come thirty miles on horseback. Have you nothing better ?'' " There's a bit of bacon,',' suggested the landlady, and the dog looked at me more intently than ever. "I'm not passionately fond of bacon," said I. " What else have you ?" " Santa Anna," cried the landlady, •' I can give you a chicken 1". At these words the dog sprang through the half-open window. "Good gracious I" said I. "Why, the word chicken was like a bombshell to him!" " Ah !" smiled the hostess, "it's because he tarns the spit." A certain elderly gentleman named Alfred Jones received a letter some weeks agb properly addressed to* his business residence, of an amatory character, from some not over-educated female. . In the/ hurry; of business he-put it in his pockety not being able to understand what on earth it all meant. When Mrs J. was putting away the coat that evening, the unlucky missive dropped out, and the seme that ensued may be imagined when it is stated that the wife is jealous to a degree, and would not believe that he knew nothing about, it.. The,'. ( letter, asked „" dearest; Ajfred" to gP^own intothe country to stay from Saturday to Monday, but last week it transpired that the letter emanated from a servant girl who was engaged to a drapers boy named Alfred Jones, living at 77 in the same street, the first letter had been misdirected to the residence of Mr A. Jones No. 79.