VARIETIES.

Thames Star, Volume XII, Issue 4028, 25 November 1881, Page 3

VARIETIES.

It is not an uncommon complaint against a newspaper that it hasn't life enough. But a brother editor reports this odd objection made to bis paper by a gossip.loving old lady: " I like your paper very much ; I nave only one L objection to it, it hasn't Deaths enough!" &A According to Josh Billings, "pashenee V!is a good thing for a man to hay; but when hazgot so much ov it that he kan fish W all day over the side ov a boat without any m bait on his hook, lazyness is what's the W matter with him. ™ A little boy hearing his father talking about members of Parliament, asked I him what they were, to which the old gentleman replied: " They are men who under pretence of looking after the interests of the country take precious good care of their own." An unfortunate fortune-hunter seeing a book advertised on " The Causes of the Decline of America a Women," said he should buy a copy at once, as a good many of them had declined his offers, and he would like to know the causes. ' A young lady beer jie so dissatisfied with her betrothed that she dismissed him, whereupon he threatened to publish her letters, in revenge. "Very well," shesrid; " there is nothing in the letters^ to be ashamed of, except their address." A rain and covetous nobleman employed an architect to erect for him a splendid mausoleum. When it was completed he ■aid to the artist, "Is there anything wanting to complete it ?" "Nothing but "your lordship's corpse," replied the architect. .. A minister overtook a Quaker lady, and politely assisted her in opening a gate. As she was a comparative stranger in town, he said: " You don't know, perhaps, that lam Mr. . Haven't you heard me preach?" "I have heard thee try," was the quick rejoinder. _ (> *' And where was this man stabbed r asked an excited lawyer of a physician. " The man was stabbed about an inch and a half to the left of the medial line," was the reply. "Oh, yes, I understand now ; but I thought it was somewhere near the Town Hall/