MR GILSLAMMER'S CONNUBIAL ANXIETY.

Thames Star, Volume XII, Issue 3980, 11 October 1881, Page 2

MR GILSLAMMER'S CONNUBIAL ANXIETY.

"Nurse," whispered Mr GHslamtaer; as he put his head gently into the sick room two hours after the baby wa& born, " how is my lovey dovey, my darling wife ?

The nurse was a 'beetle-browed/, prats tical old army nurse, and as she gave him a two-hundred-pound push,,which landed,; 1, him in the ball, she whispered " Get out o 1 here and go to Oakland. Your wife's all right. Lemme be."

He felt very much discouraged, for it was Mrs Gilslammer's first baby, and be hadn't seen it. He didn't even knovri whether it was a boy or a girl, or both, or" two boys and one girl, or two girls and-, one boy, or whether it was Siamese twins and things. - -, „-...., So he went into the dining-room, and opened the cellaret in the side-boatcfj and ■ got outside of three fingers of whisky! ' Then he felt better.

" My poor wife," he murmured, '• how badly she must feel! I think I'll take her up some cold ham aud a .glass, of stout," and thus armed Mr Gilslamirier marched boldly up to the bedroom door.' ' " Say, nurse, here's some nice ham and some porter for Mrs G. If you won't let me see her, at least give her this with my love, and tell her that her own duckse^ j« just breaking his heart, and will cook (her a tender loin steak by and by with his <flfcjT ' hands, and buy her some fresh shrimps." " I'll ducksy you," hissed Mrs Guffmacky, "if you don't keep away from' here, 1' and she gently but firmly landed him against the bannisters, porter and all, and, as she closed the door, she hissed through her teeth "Go to San Jose."; ;

" She only wanted me to go to Oakland last time," he soliloquised, aud now she desires me to make a trip of fifty miles. I think Mrs Gufimacky is an inconsiderate old heathen." ' •

But, bent on getting even, Mr Gilslam- -. mer went to a neighboring restaurant and ' bought a crab and some lettuce. He was sure that hit wife was fond of cider, too, so he opened a bottle, and after he had picked the crab and fixed the salad he marched boldly upstairs, and, without knocking at the door, made his way into the bedroom and just got ac far as "Dar- *' ling, hubby did bring oo some—"when; a .'■ violent wrench on his ear persuaded him to get out and fall down fourteen stairs, and a female bass voice whispered to him, " Go to — m \ " (see Eevised New Testa* ment). l ;

Mr Gilslamnier felt thoroughly Lam. bled, but at night, before he wont to bed, he took off his shoes and tenderly laid au offering of pickled eela, sauerkraut, and bottled beer at his wife's door, and as he : lay down on the parlour sofa, with a blanket over him and a footstool for "a r pillow, he comforted himself by saying, I' I know my sweety is fonct of eels, and if that female elephant finds them there p'raps sho'll give 'em to bar when she gets good humoured."