PRIZE ESSAYS ON NEWSPAPERS.

Thames Star, Volume XII, Issue 3855, 7 May 1881, Page 4

PRIZE ESSAYS ON NEWSPAPERS.

Newspapers throe SSSS** plper.,nooßep ß perß and ISSXapeJ*- A aportra'_..lfcper (like the sSrtin' Times) is a paper as tells yer fiir and square how to inwest yer bob witkddt bein' welshed ; a noose^apef (pke tte 3t«iidatd).tells yer the tame, thing, but portends not to do it; a serciety paper tells a man what he didn't a say of, and what his wife didn't a do of. GoMpiwitoriiis msn, bttt g,ometimeiiti»e? is wimmen. They sets up .the P*P c"'e "'*nJ: makes^manjjr a «mll o f their oop* KJ» how BobSt theVei il will mn the Derby the next, day « printer's error,. jfcnd Or, which is fools. ComBho™ **•*%,s Sfwij men when they is K^fi?Si& Ve Jry seldom is w>en they Jan jielP. it. On weekday mornin's You will fend compositors is much about Shoe Jane and Salisbury.court, on Sundays you wilt find 'em a-bed. Headers is men as spoils the punctivasbun o' compositors. Readers spells a word one way to-day and another way tomorrer. They is better dressed but has lew pay than has compositors. Headers thinks they is intelligent pusssns. Some folka thinks different. Foremen is men as kicks up rows with oompositors for not doin' what they hare been told not to do. Foremen also kicks the printers' devils. Some foremen sings "The Sea ia-England's Glory." Other foremen sometimes sings very small indeed. Beporters is what is termed •' the staff," so many of 'em being sticks. They works hard at refreshment bars. They goes night after night to feeds, and eats and drinks for nought. They goes into shops and horders whatever they likes, and pays | whenever they likes, which they never pays at aU. Some reporters beats their wives, and some wives* beats their reporters. Sub editors is men who pretends to look overkoppy, but they sever pretends to look over bars at barmaids, which they do it reglar. The public thinks sub-editors is editors, which the sob-editors thinks so theirselvea. : • Draymatic critics is the coves as does the theayres. They is rather seedylookin* chaps durin' the day, but at night O, my! they wears black swaller-tails, and new dickers which sparkles with glass diamonds! The critics all thinks that they, is all better play makers than Billy Shakespeare, and they is always a improvin' of h\s Hambulet. They sits in the stalls, lookin' knives an' forks at the audience, and when they turns -upV their glasses to see huz, they seem to say, " Look at the monkeys from the Zoo." Their governors tell the critics never to take free passes, nor never to be one-sided —which they always aots up to these obstructions. Editors and publishers are men of great ability, and known everything in the ivings abore and the hearth beneath, and the (strong) waters under the hearth. Editors is whoTdpesn't write anythink.' They eats and" they drinks more and better than does the reporters, but they 1 "does it on the Q.T. They're the biggest men you ever see. Managers and publishers is men who gather in tin. They takes as much as they likes to theirselves, and gives the rest to the proprietors. , Proprietors, isn't anybody; they aint never seen. In winter they lives in the. country, and in summer they goes yotting. ■'■'■'■ "■■ ': ■'■-■■■■■''■ ■ ■ ■*■ Printers' devils is the most importantist pussens int a 1 paper office. They hss the nardestwork, and gets the softest screw. That is all.