YANKEE "NOTIONS."

Thames Star, Volume X, Issue 3137, 8 March 1879, Page 4

YANKEE "NOTIONS."

(AIIEBIOAK EXCHANGES.)

The New York Herald tells of "an American young lady of 18 gprings." Probably her. name is Sofy.—Boston Post.

Why do the recriminations of married couples resemble the sound of waves on the shore? ' Because they are the murmers of the tied.

One of'the privileges of a wife is to coax $25 from her husband and then nlake him a Christmas present of .a pair of ten shilling slippers.

An observing man has discovered- a similarity between a young ladies' simiuary and a sugar factory, as both refine what is already sweet.

Ladies are like watches —pretty enough to look at;" sweet faces and delicate hands, but somewhat difficult to " regulate "- after they are set agoing. s It is melancholy, says" Ouida " in her latest novel, to see how large the proportion is of young ladies who marry solely to get rid of their mothers.

Dancing is the part,of the religion of a certain sect. If your girl becomes a convert to this form of worship, the best thing yon can do is to shaker. "A hog's head," he began. But she interrupted-him. Said she : "No matter what a hog said." She thought he was ■peaking of his neighbor. As loon as a young man can make his girl believe thai ; rolled plate jewelry protects the wearer from lightning he is all O. K. for Christmas.—Free Press. He was bound to be accurate, and he described the woman's costume, thus : " She wore .en- elegant suit of something or other, cut bias and trimmed endwise."

A bachelor paragrapher asks: " What ■hall we do with our girls P " Marry one and shake the rest? j1 of them, young man you'll find it cheaper in the long run. Man wants but; little here below; but a woman wants most everything she sees her neighb6r have—excepting her toothbrush and youngest baby.-—Elmira Gazette. " Close up, niy dears," said the stage manager to the ballet corps, at 'a ".dres? rehearsal;" and Spicer said if they did " clothes up " any more he would leave out of respect to Mrs. S. A Pennsylvania girl waited a whole year before bringing suit for damages against a man who kissed her without warning, and the crushing verdict of one cent damages took her breatb. away. Among the gifts of a bride was a broom, with the following: I This trifling Rift accept of mo ; It's use I would command :\ In sunshine use the brushy part, I In storms the other end. i At a wedding recently, when the officiating priest put to the lady the question, "Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband P" she dropped the prettiest courtesy,, and with a modesty which lent her beauty an additional grace, replied "If you please." ;: ; i. A gray hair was espied among the: raven locks of a charming young.lady. " Oh, pray, p_ull it out/* she exclaimed. "If I pull it out ten more will come to the funeral,".-repEed the' on« who had made the unfortunate discovery. " Pluck it out, nevertheless," said the darkhaired damsel; " its no consequence how many come to the funeral, provided they all come in black."

Invention on the Wane.---It has now been nearly three days since .anybody announced a new infallible cure for rheumatism and all bilious complaints and malarial diseases. Come, rouse up, some of you. Don't let this old world tumble into its grave for w v ant of a new medicine. Fly around, and paste a new label on the old bottle.— Burlington Hawkeye. A Bedpath lecturer, whilst speaking, used the French quotation, "Iloni soit gui mal y pense," whereupon the ladies in the audience started—then blushed —then looked at each other—and, finally, got-up and stalked out of the hall, and the local paper, in its criticism, .said that " various portions of the lecture .were too indecent for publication." . . Food for Eeflection.—" Good night, sweet art, good night," sung a levelheaded youth as he slammed the front | gate and passed off down the street. Then he took out his handkerchief to rub the rouge off the tip end of his nose, and wondered how-much pearl powder cost s pound when purchased in large quantities. —Elmira Gazette. . • ,