Verdant's Experiences.

Thames Star, Volume IX, Issue 3014, 12 October 1878, Page 1

Verdant's Experiences.

, Havingoccasionallytoemploy "casuals," we haveito piiWp'with Bachoontifibufiim'r s as they may furnish. One of these, has sent the following, which for candourand " truthfulness will, perhaps compare favorably with the most legitimate press compositions. , ,; • • ; 'i • „,\ [>

.The Thames is a deuce of a place for, soirees, also yclept "teafights." 'My weaknesses are teafights, gtnail beer and barmaids; but give me the former before the two. latter or any other mundane joy.'' Such pretty faces, such tea, such cake can never be seen or tasted anywhere- else. Well, I and another scribbling vagabond went to a very superior soiree some evenings agp. Of coarse we went to' different tables—there wouldn't be enough, for the two on the , p.rje table. Did you ever see a needy soribe eat? If you have n.ot you ought to give a dinner and ask me to come to it, just to seie me tuck in. Well, at the aforementioned soiree I speedily frightened all the oake off .my table, and felt distended and happy. Those who were unfortunately at the same table went empty away. '"At last I was satisfied, and I went and stood at the door in a state of perfect beatification. I noticed the other -literati still wiring in, which I account for by the fact that hisistomach was east in. a larger ' mould than, mine.- rlts distension, how* em, kad forced, him, to loosen his jraistcoat; [but still he kept bravely at it., At : last even, I got alarmed, and gave him ' five minute.s -to burst,' and got safely jammed behind a door; note book in hand, to watch the catastrophe. To my great disappointment 1 he wouldn't go on, how* ever, abd he waddled out shortly after- "; wards. "Gobtng," said I angrily, "how is it you didn't burst ? " Gobang winked, and replied^" Because my stomach is like my consciences—very elastic." Now, my - conscience ip elastic too;. more clastic than•'. Gobang's, and, by .thunder,, ne*t teafight ' I; go to I'm going' to ice if my stomach isn't as elastic alsq. , „ \. (..,.„,,

' I have already said I hare a weakness for small beer*nd barmaids." I took some friends in to hare; a'drink, some days, ago at a well known hostelry, and after drinking, I promised to pay.the tweet little beer dispenser. ,next!, tima.j I" cjilJecUj I know she didn't ) likeit l atiaJl.,, i sjie wanted her money. < I went, awayv howeTejr,r*nd ■ • was completing a bone and,bottletflaa- . saction with the merchant I deal with, ' when who should rush up but my friend-" Gbbing inutile primary stageiofmtoxica^ * ! tion. 'r What's <{ .the,-, matter, you badly got-up" old Christy Minstrel p" I asked. {" There's a tel'graphic remittance for you, ,ropnd ,ftt.7- —Hptelj"i,;, he..-. ant«6;«d j breathlessly:i Jamming my <bat on^myj head I ran round, and, in answer fco" my question, the barmaid said, t Yes,'Kr \ ■ Verdant, there is a telegram fof yon; but '' we've had to pay 2s 6d on it:" ''4* Hmtft'l the money," says I;'"Quick with the felegram." ' Collaring my cash,''Bhe^ftia 1, ," Get 1 *<Jut-of this, you old fool/X;<Jffly;'; wanted" to get the money fdr'* those'; 'drinks, out } of. ..ydui'-'so '°r'' Ilgajre i) 'Gobang'a pint' of beer 'send^ybu, rojnd in a Jiurry." I inquched^put,, s crest-fallen, and fear lam going'to get summoned next weeks for; sore wing Gobang's nose the wrong^way. - I now hare the melancholy saii^taotioh of seeing him . going^Sbout with" it permanently canted „ to starboard. > „ < '

Asl haven't got a remittance, Gobang and I havebeen kicked out of our hotel,'' and we £re at-present residing in a boiler i oti the beach. It, would be reiry com-' fbrtable if we had it papered, and any who' are desirous of contributing to this deserving object may do so by sending what they can afford to the night watchman. We:: see him on.the average twice a week, so we will be bound to get what is donated.

Monday last was a red letter day in my experience, c Before, that eventful day I: had always been under the impression that*'professional man was a gentleman/ ex officib. I went to the Court to hear a certain case, and-before I had been in twenty minutes I arrived at the abrupt' conclusion that up to then I had been Hying', under, a , delusion. In my own mind I am .now convinced that a man can be a member of a liberal profession with* out being a gentleman.. N.B.—(For professional men only)— Try on the cap, and if,it fits, wear it; if it don't, you/can: give it away.—Verdant. „