Advance, Australia!

Thames Star, Volume IX, Issue 3002, 28 September 1878, Page 4

Advance, Australia!

[Under this head, Punch, in the number for Aug. 10, has the following article on the Australian .Cricketers, preceded by a comic sketch of the whole team mounted on a kangaroo.]

" They are coming up, Master," cried Toby in a fever of excitement, "the entire Eleven."

"They are heartily welcome," replied Mr Punch, with one of his most graceful bows, as the Ambassadors from the Antipodes, with Spoffbrth, Boyd and the Bannerman Brothers, at their head,, en* tered the sanctum.

" Be seated, my dear boys," exclaimed Mr Punch, cordially. The eleven sunburnt heroes looked at one another and smiled.

"We will sit down with pleasure," Baid the spokesman, " but our favourite practice is to make a stand. You should Bee hs at Lord's." :

•" I have seen you both at Lords arid Commons," returned Mr Punch, with enthusiasm. " I have seen you North, South, East, and West; I have seen-you all round. A, splendid team! Australia may well be proud of you, and England too, as branches of the British willow, though grown at the Antipodes." " H'm, I don't know," answered the spokesman ; "we are pretty well. But there are lots as good or better where we come from. Still, I think that we have given you a fair taste of the Cornstalk." " Before or behind the wickets, in the field —everywhere—as the artfullest of bowlers or the best of bats—you are sim-. ply magnificent 1 " " Oh no, we are, not," continued the spokesman, with modest pride. •• As you may have seen by reading the report of the speeches at the dinner the other night, we don't consider ourselves by any means the top-twigs of the Australian willow. Bui. as.l say, we are pretty well, and quite equal to teaching our grandmother—if not your own Alma Mater-r-a thing or two." " Ah! Cambridge was rather too much for you, but think what an Eleven it was! You should have tackled them at the beginning instead of the end of•• your campaign. But never mind that. Don't be put out," said Mr Punch, goodnaturedly. "We never are, except after a long innings," returned the spokesman. " Still, we don't think you quite understand us. Now, Sir, you are certainly the best informed man in the Old Country.".

"'TJndoubfedly, 1' replied Mr Punch, who never flinches from the truth. " Wellj Sir, whftt do you know about Australia ? Now don't look it out-in the Encyclopaedia Brittahica, but tell us offhand." "Australia is a.magnificent country," returned Mr Punch, with enthusiasm. Then he added, with a little hesitation, " and it's famous for all sorts of things." •• What things ? " "Oh, gold, and Australian beef, and kangaroos—and 'possums, wombats, and ornithorhyncusses, black fellows, and bush-rangers, and " then Mr Punch came to a full stop. "I thought so/ said the spokesman, with a smile, "your ideas about Australia are of the most Zoological Gardehish character. Are you aware, sir, that our cities are full of magnificent buildings ? Are you aware, sir, that trade and commerce are nowhere more prosperous than they are in our quarter of the globe ? Are you aware, sir, that with us all the learned professions are represented by the ablest men, and that our Public Schools and Universities are patterns which might be imitated with advantage in every quarter of the globe ? Are you aware, sir, that our Press is as free, as enterprising, and as respectable as Great Britain ? Are you aware, sir, that "

"Stop, stop," interrupted Mr T?unch, " you overwhelm me. Believe me, lam quite aware that Australia has taken gigantic strides in the march of civilisation, from the date of her first European settlement ■ ■■ " ;

"Son are alluding to Botany Bay, Sir." " Not at all, not at all," returned Mr Punch, quickly. ~ " But we accept even the past of Botany Bay, Mr Punch," said the spokesman. "It is our boast that we currency-folk have been so sound at the core that we have been able to absorb your convict refuse without contamination from its criminal leaven. After all, it is only what our Old-Country ancestors did about a thousand years ago, when they took to absorbing Danish pirates first, and Norman cutthroats afterwards." : "Then you know something of early English History ?". * " I should rather think we did! Even before it had the Green light thrown upon • it. What we complain of in the Mother Country is-r-that it's not nearly English enough.to suit our .tastes." " Come, come," remonstrated Mr Punch. " Surely England takes the lead in everything." '■■■'• .

"I like that! " replied the spokesman. "Why, who taught you the blessings of the Ballot Act? Who taught you—P "

"Well, you may, perhaps, be a little ahead of us in politics," interrupted Mr Punch ; " but all social reforms begin in England." " You dare say that, when you know that Spiers and Pond came from Australia ! Oh, Mr Punch! we blush for you!" ' " Well, your hearts are in the right places, at any rate." ■ " I should rather think they were. We love the Old Country. We know how to handle the oar —as Trickett has taught you—as wellas the bat; and as for the rifle— should the time come— —• We don't want to fight; but, by Jmgo~—''' "'lf we do,' dear boys, John Bull would rather, by a long chalk, rely on Australian Riflemen than Indian Sepoys. But a truce to all Jingoism ; let us hope that it is settled by the Berlin Treaty. Believe me, my dear boys, when I assure you that I love you so that I have had serious thoughts, on the. invitation of a branch of my family settled in Melbourne, to pay you a visit."

' " You had better not; for if you came, we should certainly keep you. And although your presence in Australia would be the climax of our triumph, we dou't want to ruin the Mother Country right out." With this pretty compliment the Australian Eleven, after hearty handshakes all round, withdrew. ■" Our counterparts, though our Antipodes; and blind side to .them, big bats as they are," said Mr Punch. " JSo doubt about their nationality. British Lions, every one. Birds of a feather with the old cock, and no mistake! May

they and their great country, of a still greater future, prosper !—and may ' Advance, Australia!' long be the best description of her career, as well as the device of her escutcheon ! "