A Sham Wake.

Thames Star, Volume VIII, Issue 2970, 22 August 1878, Page 3

A Sham Wake.

At the time of the Poverty Bay massacre, like many other young fellows who had nothing to do, I joined the Armed Constabulary with the intention of seeing life. After we had had two or three brushes with the Maoris, the contingent to which I belonged was stationed at Tauranga, and found, it as ray chum Phil O'Brady remarked," moighty dull." All the duties we had to perform didn't occupy , more, than two or three hours ovary day, and the time was hsavy on our hands. One day Phil and some other hoys in the force came to me arid told me they were going to have a lark to liven finings up a liitle. I was -informed of what the lark consisted, and entered into it with as much pleasure as the vest. Next day the sad intelligence went forth that Sergeant O'Brady had departed this life, he having given up the 1 ghost in a .most extraordinarily -sudd'pa "manner,- but not before he had time to ejaculate to some near him, " Give me a dacent wake, boys. The Lord have' mercy on me soul," (at least we circulated this version of the dying O'Brady's words). We determined to give Phil a tip top Tipperary wake, and as we had plenty of tin and no means of spending it otherwise, we pretty well bought out all the liquor in the town. This was the first step. The next, which devolved on me, was the writing of some hundred or so invitations to the rattlers and membprs of the force who were not in thejoke. In doing so Icxiolled the many virtues of our departed comrade and earnestly requested tlio receiver's attendance at the wake to be held next day in a large building: :we had hired.. /It may be surprising, but a largo number of the settlers and others responded to the

invitation—doubtless ns much ihrough curiosity* as respect. ('•<■ ■'•>• d ."'l. Pltil was " laid oul " in orthodox nmimer, his face bc'ng whitened wi'ii the i-ontents of ! a child's puff' box, and .-inm-id him burned perhaps 50candles. All the visiiors went to have a look at him. and by jove I have often wondered how he kepi his countenance so well. hen s«me of us smarted a " keen " for (he dead, while tho visitors st.;r led d?'inkin^, aud in about an hour nc rly everyone was preliy well on, nnd with ju;s and f,on«s I ran toll j rou tho fun was uproarious. The t'tne drew near for the wake to leioiinnle, and already some had leit. Some of us gathered round the bier, aud a seUlei* who had a grudge against Phil remarked, " The diriy sojer. It:'ill take a divil ay a lot of prayin' "to git his sowl out of purgathory." This was 100 much for Phil. To the amusement and horror of the majority of the spectators, the supposed dead man jumped off the bier overturning a lot of candles, and gave the settlor who had insulted his dead b'»dy a sounding smack bet een the eyes. We in the lark lay down and rolled with laughter and left the ■olhorsi to lecome cognisant of the fact that they w^,e sold. The best of the jokejwas that the seti^Jiiljiij^ him for assault, and PhiiTfeeTefipon entered a cross action tor insulting language. They both got off, however, a?id so ended our sham wake, which is doubtless Remembered by many who weu at Tauranga duriDg the period of which I am writing. —J.A. P.