A COLD FOOTED LADY'S HAZARDOUS EXPEDRIMENT.

Thames Star, Volume VIII, Issue 2894, 25 May 1878, Page 4

A COLD FOOTED LADY'S HAZARDOUS EXPEDRIMENT.

It is said that, during extremely cold weather, it occasionally happens that the feet of ladies who are not within reach of stoves, fireplaces or furnace registers, become painfully cold. This is, of course, an extremely delicate topic, but it is undeniable that cold feminine feet do exist:

The wife of Mr James "Withers of East Bridgewater, Minnesota, was, until recently, one of the most respectable ladies in the East Bridgewater Baptist Church. Minnesota happens to be excessively cold in winter; so cold, in fact, that the inhabitants are frequently unable to remember their own names. In spite of her youth, beauty and general excellence, Mrs Withers was peculiarly susceptible to the influence of cold weather, and suffered untold agonies from cold feet from the first of November to the middle of April. The Baptist meeting house was a peculiarly cold place, and it often happened that after the Sunday morning's service Mr Withers was compelled to carry his wife to the stove and thaw her out before attempting to take her home. During the recent cold snap in East Bridgewater, Mrs Withers suffered so severely that she came to the determination to try every remedy for cold-feet which anyone might suggest to her. On Saturday evening, 30th December, Mr Withers being absent on a visit to Chicago, his younger brother, a bad young man, holding the position of teller in the local bank, and noted for his fondness for sinful games of every description, called upon Mrs Withers, and when the admirable woman bewailed the coldness of the Baptist meeting house, told, her he had an infallible recipe for keeping the feet warm in the very coldest weather. He advised his innocent sister-in-law to pour half a pint of cayenne pepper, mixed with two table-spoonfuls of ground mustard, into each of her stockings just before going to meeting, and assured her that if she would try this cheap and simple prescription her feet would remain comfortably warm. Mrs Withers thanked the young man with a guileless gratitude, that would have touched the heart of a brass monkey, and instantly sent the servant to bay six pounds of cayenne pepper. On the following morning, just before the church bell rang, she used the combined pepper and mustard in accordance with instructions and walked to the meeting-house without any inconvenience from the cold. The service began, and though at first Mrs Withers felt delightfully warm she showed signs of uneasiness long before the minister gave out the text. Just when the eloquent preacher was well under way he was struck dumb with horror at the unaccountable conduct of Mrs Withers, who suddenly began to dance in the wildest manner and to shriek "Take them off!" in the most heartrending tones. It was too late in the season for snakes, and hence the congregation jumped to the conclusion that Mrs Withers had gone mad. The deacons promptly hastened to her relief, butthe more they tried to calm her the more violently she danced. Finally she broke loose from them, and, tearing off her shoes and stockings, fled barefooted to the nearest house. While the congregation watched her flight down the aisle, and wondered. whether she could break a hole in the frozen river large enough for drowning purposes, a sudden and unanimous desire to sneeze fell upon them, and for the next ten minutes the uproar was deafening. At the end of that time the minister dismissed the congregation by an elaborate pantomime, and went home firmly convinced that the days of demoniacal possession and witchcraft had returned. The next morning Mrs Withers took the earliest train for Chicago, and the wicked brother-in-law, who was frightened at the horrible success of his joke, started prematurely upon his European tour.