What Everybody Says.

Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2521, 3 February 1877, Page 2

What Everybody Says.

" In multitude of jeounsellors there is safety.'.' ,- —Om> Pr6verb

As everybody knows the past week has been a busy one in Auckland, especially for those who affect out-door exercises. The great event was the cricket match' and everybody expected the 'English erickcters to do a great deal. Those who saw them play seemed highly satisfied,

bat those who did not,^,d only read of their doings in some oj^tpapers, must have considered thej^^^Uy wonderful, .especially if they ben^^Kjthe special correspondent of the Than^Bidvertiser. la a telegram published J;JBfct. journal ;on\ Tuesday last, and wmcsr worth readings as a^specimen of o^fflfcji. composition, it is recorded that Shai^fc^ting) " went out for seven wickets." ATKrvellous feat truly, as every body will allo%"for, good player though Shaw be, it is rather, more' than difficult fbYWnwn £o blit bowl at the same time, as the 'Tiser's special would have one believe he did Said special also indulges iin? speculation* and' informs" those whom it may con* cern thatwhen the Eleven;have got a good: number "they will let themselves out;"; where to, he does nptisay. v Thfr Advertiser isnotthetbnly offender, as anybody who read and laughed at the Auckland'; Star can tell. ? To 1 take' one' instance out! of the manyblunders.made : v in their issue? of the 30th the fbllbwing appears -r" Kees] skied one to long.on, and was caught by Greenwood." In their next day's issue, speaking of the second innings, they nave, " Eees in letting out at Southerton again' skied the ball up towards Ulyett.^who as on yesterday accepted the offer.'i Two contradictory statements, and neither true,' for Bees was caught neither by Green*, wood nor Ulyett in the first innings, 'but by Selby. The rest of the account 1 was much on a par. • ' - Everybody has heard of mail hotels, and there have been cases in which those who had occasion to write the name, not being W s e,)l up in orthography, have spelt the word" male,*' as if they would imply that the hotel was of the masculine gender. That all .hotels, however, are not of the sterner sex is evident from an advertisement emanating - from /an Auckland registry, wherein it is stated that t here is wanted, "A female hotel servant." If there be both male and female hotels, might they not marry and beget sons and daughters, because,- if so, hotel property ought to be looking up. Can anybody answer that question ? Of' course^the proprietors would have to see that no mesalliances were contracted, and that a rQyal'maij (or male) which dispensed its phiz did not mate with a wayside beershop whose sole traffic consisted of pipes and beer. There are other things also wanted at the samerregistry, amongthese is a " boy to milk and drive," arid " servants for-town and bullock driver," are also required. Bullock-driving must be a prosperous calling if the drivers keep servants.

Everybody knows that we live in _a very scientific age", and that discoveries are being made so rapidly that the only alarm in the minds "of sages wiirbe of that kind which occasioned Alexander grief, viz., that they will have no more things to discover. Every, kingdom, nation, and language which at. all goes in for scientific pursuits has its scientific magazine, among these is the New Zealand Magazine, purporting to be a magazine of a very high order. ~ That magazine also makes discoveries, as will be seen by those who read the following extraordinary extract: —" Chemists tell us, that the maximum distance apart of atoms in a molecule is the ten-millionth part of the twehty.fifrh of an inch; and' that the number of atoms contained in a pin's head is 8,000,000,000,000,000,000,000; to count which, at the rate of ten millions a second, would occupy 260,000 years. Each atom is the abode of a mind, for it_ qbeys a law of attraction, cohesion,, expansion, contraction,. &c, and this implies sentience, the correlated power of disobeying such law,. implying alsa conscience." The statement that each atom is the abide of a mind naturally points to the inference that the.mind in question must be a very small one, perhaps somewhat akin to the mind of him who could make such an extraordinary statement. It certainly is not a very pleasant idea when putting a pin in one's coat to keep a flower in its place to think that you are placing in your coat about eight thousand millions of billions of minds, while to, such ladies as use many 'pins, it must be something frightful to imagine the number of minds they have in close contact with them, and as it would be absurd to imagine that all minds were bent on nothing save good, the latest scientific discovery is not of a consoiing nature. Fortunately, however, the scientific writer in the New Zealand Magazine'tells us whence he makes out that all these atoms hare minds, and a careful perusal of which may lead those who have misgivings on the subject to think that after all he may not be quite correct in his statements. He says:—" Every form of organic life mbves~ along definite lines, obeys an invariable law, and proves upon examination to be actuated by an inner and invariable life. Now, obedience to a law presupposes or implies the presence of a mental principle in whatsoever, renders that -obedience.'' It will be quite evident to everybody from this that even scientists may argue from obvious fallacies. For instance, when the wind blows the dust flies, therefore the dust renders obedience to the wind* and therefore, according to the New Zealand Magazine, dust has a mind. Truly, the "jargon of the scientists " is j not altogether a misapplied term. ' ■'*$'' • * /