THE USE OF "ETIQUETTE."

Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2154, 29 November 1875, Page 4

THE USE OF "ETIQUETTE."

With, a certain class of people at the present day what is commonly called " etiquette," for want of a better name, is the object of much scorn and ridicule. The old story of the man who would not pull another out of the water because he had not been introduced to him may be taken as a general illustration of the kind of satire which, it: has to encounter. There is a vague notion abroad that etiquette is a relic of the past, and that it ought not to have been retained after bagwigs and swords, hooped petticoats and minuets* had disappeared from society. Modern etiquette, no doubt, is a legacy of chivalry, representing the deference and homage which it rendered to the ladies, and the divinity which hedged them round in the eyes of romantic knights. As was sure to be the case in course of time, the form remained when a good deal of the spirit had departed. But the latter has never at the worst of times quite shaken the dust off its feet against us, and most men feel that in the outward respect which, society prescribes towards ladies there is something more than ordinary politeness, the courtesy which the stronger, as a mere matter of course, exhibit towards the weaker. Still, no doubt many people have forgotten the real significance of the system, the circumstances in which it had its origin, and the ends to which it is directed. They see in it a mere empty form, an inconvenient and disagreeable restraint upon the freedom of social intercourse; and they ask why it should exist. The answer is that the habit of centuries cannot be abandoned in a day without the greatest danger. Society on the whole has thought proper to maintain, the system, and a very little reflection is sufficient to point out what must inev*utbly follow from the neglect of it- by particular person's. One of the best known rules which this much maligned system lays down for the guidance, of ladies is, that they are not to enter into conversation,with men who. are, strangers to them- We-mean men whom they see for the first time in a street,; in a shop, or in travelling. There is a class* of men: about the world who make a point of speaking to any woman who is at all prettyi-and seems to be entirely alone. Like Falstaff we " would ritr were otherwise " but „>' so' it is, and no good can come of shutting our eyes to facts. Such men draw their own* conclusions at once from the observance or non-observance of the rules of : etiquette by'the womanwhom.they accost in these circumstances. The woman who neglects them is, they suppose, either ignorant of careless of them.,. In either case the man feels on safe ground in trying to make acquaintance with her.' '* Such is the way in which men of this description reason. And as it is impossible to tell whether any given man who is a total stranger belongs to this category or Bot^ the only safe plan is to adhere in all cases to the rule laid down by society. Women,' especially girls, who enter freely into conversation' with men who are absolute strangers to them, more particularly when both are quite alone, are set down either as belonging to a class of society which is not protected by the same conventionalities as protect ladies, or else as ladies, who voluntarily denude themselves of this protection, and are willing to be treated as if they had no claim to it. Society has erected certain barriers for the protection of ladies under the circumstances we have supposed : has prescribed a certain rule of conduct whereby their position may be tested, and one which is quite sufficient to deter nine hundred and ninety-nine out of every thousand— even such men as we have here described —from attempting to intrude upon them. The abandonment of these barriers will bo generally construed by men of this stamp as a direct and deliberate encouragement. And no doubt they will frequently be right; but into what a very false position has the lady brought herself in whose case they happen to be wrong ! ' Etiquette undoubtedly has its weak points. In the first place, women who have been used to it, if they are ever placed, or ever place themselves, in a position where they cannot rely upon it, are far more defenceless than women who know what'it is. In the second place, no doubt ladies are quite right when they say it is very hard that they may not have an innocent conversation with an agreeable man who. is a stranger, and who especially on a journey, may render them many little services. It is doubtless very hard. But unfortunately* in this world we have to do many hard things in order to avoid still harder ones. .It is a disgrace to England, they say, that ladies cannot walk in the streets without being liable to be spoken to; and if they travel alone they must not .'open their lips to a stranger for fear of misconstruction. We grant it. But what are you to do ? Scarlet fever is a very bad thing; but you will not escape/infection by/ignoring its existence,. It would be a very great deal better if these precautions were unnecessary. But how are you to bring about this state of things ? Who is to begin? Jt is quite certain that any systematic change in the relation of the sexes to each other, if not introduced, with the utmost caution and circumspection, must be productive of considerable mischief., It might be a very good thing that conventional barriers should be broken down, and that youth and innocence should be a-sufficient protection for any woman under any conceivable circumstances. But ladies who disobey the rule of etiquette in hopes of effecting a revolution in the manners of society ought to know that they do so at their peril. ' Mow great a reproach this may be upon Englishmen we do not stop to inquire. But if ladies, choose to regard the etiquette which prescribes reserve as a remnant of barbarism which ought henceforth to be set at defiance by all women of spirit—if they do not shrink from placing themselves in all kinds of equivocal positions in order to liberate their sex from an irksome and unnatural restraint—-we can respect their motives, but feel bound to warn them of their' dangers. In an old and complex society like our own, with its vast* inequalities of wealth and poverty, its fixed formalities, those ideas of morality are not to be looked for which alone would render safe the abolition of the rules we are noticing. At the present time any lady disregarding them is doing a very foolish act> and one which is exceedingly likely to compromise her,—Pall Mall Gazette. .