THE OYSTER RING.

Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2069, 21 August 1875, Page 4

THE OYSTER RING.

The pathway to reform is not strewn frith roses. I am reminded of this by a little incident. I have always bought my oysters opened. 'Mrs Perkins and myself are fond of oysters, and eat a great many of them. It occurred to me one day— last Saturday, to be more direct—that there existed a monopoly in opening oysters that was hurtful to the public purse. Whenever I get hold of a notion of that kind I work it up. I worked this up ; I brought home a half bushel of oysters in the shell. Saturday night, and put them in the cellar till morning, when they were -to be opened fresh for breakfast. When morning came I went down stairs and brought up tho oysters while Mrs Perkins got ready a knife and pan. I wasn't quite dresped, because I was a little eager to profit by an experiment. Mrs Perkins shared this earnestness in a measure, and was anxious to hare me go to work at once. It is said that the less a man knows about anything the more willingly he engages t© do it. I knew nothing about opening oysters ; I had never opened one in my life. But what I lacked in knowledge I made up in zeal. Whe,n everything was ready I smiled at Mrs Perkins and commenced. I 'found the utmost difficulty with the first oyster. I looked some fifteen minutes for the hole in which to put the knife. But I couldn't find it. Mrs Perkins, who rather impatiently watched the. survey suggested that it might have fallen out, and would be in the basket. I^rs Perkins was lightly costumed, and there wasno fire in the stove. These things were on her and made her ironical. There was no use looking further for a hole in that oyster. I got out my jack-knife, which was sharp, and placing the point at what reasonably appeared to be a crevice, pushed firmly against it. If I had used a little more, firmness it is more than likely that both the blade and handle would have passed through my hand. As it was only a part of the blade, and I was enabled to pull it from the same side it entered. This was an unexpected advantage, and I hope I was sufficiently grateful, but it is doubtful. Mrs Perkins screamed when the blood flew. " You're the awkwardest man I ever saw," she observed. It was an easy remark. Ninety-nine woman in every hundred would have said it. I tied up the wound in silence, and renewed my endeavours to gain an entrance, with zeal materially abated. Pretty soon I missed part of one thumb and the knife snapped in two. I thought over a few oaths I had heard when a boy while Mrs Perkins went for another knife. t They don't make knives of the material they used to. I was surprised to see them break as fast as they did before I got that oyster open." Mrs Perkins was somewhat surprised herself. I think if I had not been bald there would have teen considerable variety added to the performance. I didn't break the last knife. It slipped over the edge of that accursed bivalve, and went across the apex of my knuckles with a ferocity almost human. It next went into the stove. I went into the yard to think. Mrs Perkins went up stairs for a cry. When I came in I was accompanied by the axe. The balance of those oysters came apart in two minutes. And monoSolies are better endured than cured. — Janbury Newsman.