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Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 2037, 15 July 1875, Page 2

.> A Tight * Squeeze*—A millers in % small town in Vermont was, at intervals, temporarily insane, for several days together, and at those times he imagined himself to be in another world—the world ■ that-is to come—and,the, judge of alt th» earth. He built :a large platform nearly ten feet from the ground, and seated thereon in an arm-chair, with a pondrous I Bible in hand, he imagined a Urge coni course of people to be before' him/ aad^pM proceeded to question them concerning^^^ their former, occupations, conduct, Ac, answering the inquiries himself. At - length he. came to & miller residing; in an adjoining-town*, and questioned him thus :—" What was your occupation 4n yonder world ?" "A miller, sir." "Did 1 you ever steal any,grain?? "Yes, sir." " What did yortdb' with it ?" - " Used it myself, si£" " You may go to the wrong side of- the" question," said thejpre tended judge unhesitatingly. Finally, after judging all others, he proposed to treat himself likewise." "What was your occupation in yonder world?" he. asked of himself. , "A miller, sir." "Did you ever steal any grain ?" " Yes, - " What did you do with it?" "Made bread of it, and gave the bread to the" poor.'"Then he hesitated, scratched his " head, and seemed to be engaged in deep thought for several minutes, and finally'said—" Well, you may go-to the right side of the question—but—it—is—a, tight squeeze." "A- Fe^otv Filing." '#C—Major O'Dodger (for the Scallionshire Kifles) ?-* "Well,'what have you got toe say for yourself?"" Pull corporal Fafreli (a prisoner—late for tattoo):—" Well, now, " yer honour, I'll just tell the whole trut\ - I took to playing cyards about half-past nome last.night, an' lost all I had; an', be jabers, I should stay till'l won it all'back, " an' that'wasa't-.till^fower o'clock'., this mornin'—." The liifajdr (au inveterate 100-player, who Had lejt ,pff his; ,own.Jittlp game -precisely vat" the" same hour—very hastily):—« Admonish'd, admoniflicd !" Sergeant.:—"Left turrn 1 Queeck'arrch!"-"-Punch.'- .. ' r. "'' .^f" "\ "It is astonishing," said Mrs Coffinbury; gazing affectionately upon her pughosed, freckle-faced," two-headed nine-year-old son; "how readily.John Henry picks up things!" " "That'is what they all say down on 0.-street, among the fruit arid toy shops, and the notion stores," cruelly and drily observed her ill-natured neighbour, old Sam Browoson.