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Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 1966, 23 April 1875, Page 2

Pmsmino Amuskmfnt.—A Surgeon had just cut off a patient's leg. A friend of the victim's inquired anxiously whether the doctor thought he would soon get well. *' He P" roplied the docter. "He never had a chance!" '^Why, then, |>ut him to needless: pain?" "Oh, you cannot tell a patient the truth all at once; you must first of all amuse him a little." .■.-■&'■, . ; '■" .

Malapropos.—Doctor Sumner once held a canon's stall in~£>urbam Cathedra!, and frequently performed service there. The students of the University attend service in the centre of the church. One morning an undergraduate, coming in while the organist was playing the voluntary, made haste to get to his teat. Hurrying past the lectern his gown caught and began to tear. As is their wont, the students tittered; the unfortunate graduate,' becoming confused, rushed on, splitting his gown into halves, and by the very noise made with the tearing drawing universal attention. Before he had got to his seat the canon rose abstractedly, and commenced the service with, "Bendyour hearts and not your garments," <fee. The whole congregation, already with difficulty suppressed its amusement, burst out laughing,

Sensitiveness. —Seasitive bather to bathing attendant: " Listen. If lam to be drowned, or nearly so, I want to be distinctly understood that I am not to be stood on my head, or rolled on a barrel, or any such ridiculous exhibitions made •f m«. If 1 can't be revived without any of theie performance*, I prefer to be left alone."