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Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 1947, 1 April 1875, Page 4

" Corn bread ? '!! said an Irish waiter. "We haven't got it. Isn't it corn bafe ye mane?" A displayed head-line in a Western paper reads ; " Desperate assault—the murdered man not expected to live." Expensive Brass rou a Minob.—-A Chancery suit. Mexican editors do not care about an extended circulation. The fewer subscribers they have the fewer times they are shot at.—American paper. Somebody advertises a preparation for keeping a lady's hands free from chaps. A report that she has no money would do I the same thing.' In Maine, the other day, the lightning struck a negro square on the top of his head. The darkey was slightly confused for a moment, and then wanted to know " who frewed dat brick ? " One of the meanest things that a small boy can do is to put tacka in the chairs when he knows that a young man is coming to call on his sister that evening. A Yankee .Kejiedy. . —The pounding of the stomach for the cure of the dyspepsia was a cause of a good joke the other day. Two men were describing what they had done to cure themselves. "Do you knead your stomach ? " '" I—l couldn't get along without it! "responded the other, in the last stage of astonishment. GaTTiNG Bid of Weeds.—A farmer asking for the beat way to get rid of weeds, was responded to in the editor's column thus: "Squeeze the hand of a young widow all in black." The next day she was in half-morning, and a second kindly pressure resulted in a pink gown with a white bonne. The weeds had disappeared.—American paper. Catechism.—" Come here, my little man," said a reverend catechist, "and let me see if you can repeat the Fifth Commandment." The scholar hung his -head, but managed to repeat the answer very correctly. " Now what is meant by honouring your father and mother, my boy?" Silence was the only reply on the part of the scholar. " Do you always do what your parents bid you ? " Still no reply. " Come, now; do you always do as your father bids you ? " "Yes," was the ready answer. "And do ymi always do what your mother bids youf "?. " Na, nae fear o' me !" " And why not ?" " Govie ! if I wis tae dae a' that cshe bids me, she wid keep me carry in'wat#r a'dtT.'"