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Thames Star, Volume VII, Issue 1936, 18 March 1875, Page 4

A soldier on trial for habitual drunkenness was addressed by the magistrate: " Prisoner, you have heard the charge of habitual drunkenness ; what have you to say in defence ?'W Nothing, please your honor, but habitual thirst." An American paper, in noticing the presentation of a silver cup to a contemporary, <ays, "He needs no cup. He can drink, from any vessel that" contains liquor—whether the neck of a bottle, the mouth of a demijohn, the spile of a keg, or the bung of a barrel. 1' "Job printing!" exclaimed an* old woman the other day, as she peeped over her spectacles at the advertising page of a country newspaper. " Poor Job! they've kept him printing, week after week, ever since! first learnt to read; and if he wasn't the most patientest man that ever was, he never could have stood it so lone nohow." >

"When I was first married I was on. my knees before my husband from morning till night. It was a perpetual adoration, an incessant delirium, an inexpressible bliss. I showered caresses spon him; I could have eaten him."— -"And now?" asked a friend.—" I'm sorry I didn't." '

A late celebrated judge, who stooped rery much when walking, had- a stone thrown at him one day, which fortunately passed over him without' hitting him Turning to his friends, he remarked, "Had I only been an upright judge, that might have caused my death." An editor at a dinner-table, being asked if he would take some pudding, replied, in a fit of abstraction, " Owing to a crowd of other matter, we are unable to find room for it."

A Tempeeance Pabadise.— Here is tbe list of drinks offered at the bar of a Bethlehem, Pa., temperance house :-rSeda water, Congress water, Leigh water, Delaware water, spring . water, Bushkill water, eye water, rose water, salt water, cucumber pump water, win water, court-house roof water, gaol roof water, and water.