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Thames Star, Volume VI, Issue 1821, 3 November 1874, Page 3

What man must have his glass "before he can do a day's work ?—A glazier. A Eegbet.—The retiring editor of a Southern paper proudly boasts that he liasneverbeen"horsewhipped,revolvered, knifed, kicked, licked, bricked, pummeled, or cussed for anything I have said, written, done or left undpne as an editor, and in ceasing to be one I am filled with a melancholy sadness." . Bidicuious Defence. —The unheardof defence was lately set up by a young man who was sued for a breach of promise of marriage, that he broke off the engagement because the young lady was deficient in conversational powers. He couldn't make the jury, who were all married men, swallow any such nonsense, and they mulcted him in a verdict of a thousand pounds. . Tbansatlantic Eeportin&.—The 'personal ' announcements in "Western papers combine conciseness with a pleasant yagueness: as for example, a JSlevada journal says,',' There warno regular trial in the case of John Flanders yesterday. He had an interview in the woods with a few friends, however, and it is perfectly certain that John will never burgle any more.''

A Sturdy Beggat?.-~»" A tinpenny your honor," exclaimed a sturdy beggar at a carriage door to a Scotchman with fiery ringlets, but who was quite insensible to the appeal: " a fipenny, your honor; a fipenny, or a penny, or a halfpenny, plase ye." Finding the b'ot inexorable, the beggar altered his tone and said, " Will your honor plase to lend me a lock of your liar to light my pipe with," Old Mr. Collamore, who goes to our church, is very deaf. Last Sunday, in the midst of the service, Mr. Hoff, who ■ sits immediately behind Mr. Colhunore, saw a spider walking up the latter's bald head. His first impulse was to nudge him and tell him about it, but he remembered that he was deaf, so he lifted his hand and brushed the spider off. Hoff didn't aim quite high enough, he hit Oollamore a rather severe blow; the old man turned round in a rage, to see. who had clared to take such a liberty with him, and Hoff began to explain with gestures the cause of the occurrence. But Collamore, in a loud voice demanded what he meant. It was painful for Hoff. The eyes of the whole congregation were upon him, and he grew red in the face, and in desperation exclaimed —"there was a spider on your head." " A white place on my'head, eh? S'pose'n there is, what's that to you," said Collamore, " you'll know what it is to be bald-headed yourself some day." "It was a spider," shrieked Hoff, while the congregation smikd,- and the perspiration began to roll H&kn his cheeks. "Certainly its wideV said Collamore, "and it's got more in it than yours. But you let it alone, do you mind ? You let my head alone in church." " Mr. Collamore,'' shrieked Hoff, " there was a bug on your head, and I brushed it off this way,'' and Hoff made another gesture at Collamore's head. The old man thought he was going to fight him then and there, and hurliDg his hymn-book at Hoff, he seized the kneeling stool on the floor of the pew and was about to bang Hoff, when the sexton interfered. An explanation was written on the fly-leaf of the hymn-book whereupon Mr. Collamore apologised in a boisterous voice, and resumed his seat. : Then the service proceeded. They think of asking Mr. Collamore to worship elsewhere." —New York Tribune,.