HOME GOSSIP

Thames Star, Volume VI, Issue 1815, 27 October 1874, Page 2

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FO3 THE EVENING STAE. (VIA. SINGAPOBE AND BEJSBANE.) 9 —_ _ London, August 12, 1874. Vanity Fair being quite over we have become serious, not to say profound. Our gossip at present is all scientific. We are archaeological, we are zoological, we are geological, we are theological. We are anything you like in that way except logical. We—that is to say the few millions remaining in London—are going to see a couple of new specimens at the Zoological Gardens ; we have heard from Professor Owen that our English elephants of the pre-historic ages were covered with wool several inches lo«g, and that the chief reason why we have no elephants (indigenous elephants) now is because those "noble animals" as well as the equally "noble" fossil 0 deer were "chevied" out of our island by "that wretched little biped man; " which made us blush for our species until we remembered that the little biped who could perform the feat cannot be quite so " wretched." Also, we have been taken by the Archseological Institute all over Yorkshire looking for the locations, as the Yankees say, of the Cistercian Friars, and by the Archaeological Association all over Gloucestershire and some adjacent shires, looking for nothing in particular but finding a great many things ; and by the London and Middlesex Archaeological Society up the Thames looking at Fulham and Ohiswick, where we found a good deal of mud when the tide was out. Also, the doings and sayings of the Wesleyan. Conference have made us acquainted with the practical godliness of some of our Church of England theologians. We learn therefrom that the reverend incumbent of a parish in the diocese of Lincoln refused to allow a Wesleyan minister to erect a tombstone over the grave of his daughter in the parish churchyard, because the said minister thereon styled himself the Bey. H. Eeet; and that such prohibition was endorsed by the Bishop of Lincoln, although the Archbishop of Canterbury— honour be to him—said " the objection ought not to have been made.''

The Bishop of Lincoln, you may re« member, lately preached that remarkable sermon in which he stated his opinion that cremation, if practised, Would destroy belief in the resurrection: no doubt he considers that the recognition of any church except that to which he himself belongs and on which he sheds so much lustre by - his wisdom and liberality, would endanger the belief in the " communion of saints." Beside these we hare had a "Swedenborgian Conference," an annual meeting of the "Pharmaceutical Society," vof the "Medical Association" or Society, I really don't know which, and an amount of learning bestowed upon us by both from which wehave scarcely yet recovered. Last, not least, we have had a " Spiritualist Conference,'' and having survived this, w« have some hope of not being reduced to a spiritual existence ourselves for a littl* while longer. And, by the bye, why does not the Eight Beverend the Bishop of Lincoln become a Spiritualist ? It would quite allay his fears as regards the resurrection, or rather as regards his view of that doctrine: for I trust no one will be so literal-minded as to suppose that a sneer is meant at' any religious belief whenever we cannot avoid a Jaugh at the stultification of believers. We haye 1 discovered by means of this spiritualist conference that there is not the slightest necessity of bringing the dry bones together. That spirits can " materialise " bodies for themselves.." by condensing the chemical particles in the atmosphere which are prevented from settlfi% by light;'' and that they can even furnish themselves with drapery by the same means; although it was admitted that A the drapery of some of the already matei rialised spirits felt—and smelt, extremely like Manchester long cloth ! Now what have we to fear from cremation, if not only our flesh and bones but our coats and our costumes, our under-linen, ©ur crinolines can be materialised out of " chemical particles; " the only difficulty being, no doubt, to find out what are the especial chemical particles required, and for, what especial purpose. This must not be lost sight of. It would never do for the spirit of Miss Prudence Primface to find herself arrayed in the unmentionable garments of baby Eosspot, or Sir Sake Battler ; or, oh dear! oh dear! what would happen if a Weileyan minister

were to appear in a right rev. prelato's mxfcrp and lawn sleeves, and. all through a mistake in selecting the " chemical particles." This little difficulty surmounted through the " materialised " spirits—according to the experiences of the spiritualists is to getj along slick, as one may say. Nothing appears to be too hot or too heavy for them (I trust none of them will take the -word hot as an unpleasant allusion;) they " make beds," -'arrange the furniture, and in doing these things " walk up and dawn stairs with quite a tread; they also, which is not quite so pleasant,' " drink up the whiskey and water" provided for tho other guests, and then "throw the bottles about;" but this is all in good humour, for their "conversation" during these orgies is "always witty and amusing," which is more perhaps than can be said for their entertainers. Finally, at this said con-' ference, when tho assembled spiritualists had said on their behalf all those things which I have put between inverted commas, and a great many more, the spirits dictated a pretty long speech in tb»iy^ own cause to one lady, which was rfc*% py another, in which they expressed Hfft far as their expressions could be understood —-their readiness to make every one who became a spiritualist, wise, learned, and happy for evermore. Old Temple Bar is tumbling down at last. While everyone has been taking one side or the other on the question of taking it down, it has settled the business itself by letting slip the key-stone of one of its arches, and then diverging altogether so much from the perpendicular that it had to be shored up until the question is decided, in the only way, apparently, in which it can be decided. It is supposed that the digging for tho foundations of the new Law Courts has had something to do with its sudden collapse : meantime, while people have been lamenting over the proposed destruction of what was really no intefiesting piece of antiquity at all, the restoration of a really interesting and raluable relic of history has been quietly fcoing ob. The old cloisters of Westminster Abbey so long in ruins are now restored, and beautiful exceedingly : no longer a remembrance of our Vandalism, but a tribute to our good taste, and our large heartedness. Having arrived thus at church matters, it behoves, apparently, that something should be said about this Public Service Regulation Bill: but the fact is, there is so much to be said that nothing to the purpose can be said at all. Some of the extreme ritualists have declared boldly their intention of defying any powers that may be arrayed against them; but almost all other churchmen give forth a very " uncertain sound;" and you know the consequence—"who can prepare himself for battle." That there .will be battles innumerable when it comes into operation no one doubts. The " Dwarf and dog fight" controversy still goes on. One Mr. Smith wrote a short time ago to say that he heard, while travelling somewhere by some railway, two men discussing the fight, and who discussed it exactly as the Daily Telegraph correspondent did, before the correspondent's account was written, or, at least, published. Since then the Mayor of Hanley has written to protest his entire disbelief of the cox*respondent's story; ignoring altogether Mr. Smith and his statement.: and this morning the ( correspondent, Mr. Jamei Greenwood, publishes an indignant letter asserting the truth of his tale, but producing no corroborative evidence; so the important matter rests for the present.

Visiting one of tho theatres at Easter* time a countryman found on looking carefully at his playbill, after the conclu■ion of the first act, three months elapsed before the commencement of the second. He went at once to the money-taker, and ■aid, " Beg pardon, sir, but I must ask ye to return my money. I'm obliged to get back home to-morrow, so that ye see I can't manage to stop for your second act." A." 1' Master of Repartee.—Douglas jerrold's reputation for instantaneous repartee, if it has occasionally been rivalled, has certainly never been surpassed. No readier coiner of mots —ringing harmoniously as of the purest gold, and bearing each, the true guinea stamp—©Ver scattered mare affluently the largess of his ■wit amongst those by whom he chanced at any moment to be surrounHed. Even the victims of bis sarcasm, if they winced, were exhilarated. Who could resist, or seriously, for that matter, who could reBent, the most fleering gibe he ever uttered ? His reply to the manager's boast asto one of his company, "There's Dash, now; why, he's been bred upon the boards!" was, "He looks as if he'd been cut out of them." His comment on the enthusiast about sheep* heads, who, after a supper on that homely dish s laid down his knife and fork, exclaiming, " "Well, sheep's heads for ever, say I!" ran, "There'segotism." His eager enquiry, when sonve one, raving about an air, declared, " "Whenever I hear it, it carries lrt away," was, " Can nobody whistle it p "—his answer to Mr Planches interrogation, "Do you remember my Baro-. ness in ' Aslc No Questions P. " Yes, indeed ; I don't think I ever saw a piece of yours without being struck with your barrenness"—his quiefe put-down of one who majestically interposed between two excited disputants, and who had begun by laying'' 'to them'; majestically, "Gentlemen, all I want is- comxnon sense." " Exactly; that is precisely what you do want"—his addition" to an order for a bottle of old port, "JST^t elder port!"— his answer to a tipsy "■jgent" who staggered up to him in the street with a .hiccupped inquiry as to (which was tho way to the judge and jury';, " Straight on, young gentleman; keep -exactly in, the •way you're going, and you're sore to get there!" . ' .. .:. < .. ■,■

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