AN EXHAUSTED HUSBAND.

Thames Star, Volume VI, Issue 1799, 8 October 1874, Page 2

AN EXHAUSTED HUSBAND.

•'Where ign >rm cc is bliss it is folly \o be wise."

My DEAii Aunt,—Although you told me when I invited you to my wedding that I was too young to marry, and not capable of choosing a mate for life properly and with due consideration, I know that you may now feel that I was wiser than you thought. In selecting dear Orlaiido I hare gained a ruost affectionate ar.d attentivehusband, and one who has neither a /au}fc nor a vice. 'Heavens !"•'■ What mint a girl suffer who finds herself united to a dissipated person, neglectful of her, and disposed to seek the society of ufnwdrffiy persons, who drink, smoke, and do? all sorts of v ioked tilings ! ; . Thank Heaven,^ Oriando is perfection. To-day is my 18th. birthday, and we have bi.cn married a year. - "W^ keep house now, and I make pretty good pies, only the undercrust will bo damp. )lowever, I think that must be the oven. Once I put peppermint in the pudding sauce, instead of lemon flavoring i*JMt then Orlando was trying to kiss nic right before the girl, who didn't much like "ther of us going into the. kitchen at all. The flowers are comiDg up beautifully in the back garden. We sowtd ■ji great many, but hardly expected so many plants. Among themost numerous is one variety witharery/arge leaf, that scratches one's finger* md don't smell nice. • liwonder what it is ? Orlando frightens me by talking about weeds; but seeds always come up don't they. , „ Dear Oriando! I come back, toftW again—so excellent, temperate, and true. Tell all the girls to marry as soon as they can find a husband like mine.

I hare but one trials-business takes him so much away from me. A lawyer must attend to business, you know ; and sometimes they carry on the cases until two at night. Often he has examined witnesses until 12,30 and come home perfectly exhausted And the nasty things will smoke, so that his coat quite smell» of it. And as it makes him as ill as it does me, I have to air it and sprinkle the lining with cologne water before he! darti to put,it on again. „., I had a terrible fright the other night —dreadful. Orlando had told me that business—l think he said it was a case of life and d^ath--would detain him late. So I sat up as usual with a book and did not weary until 1 o'clock ; after that I Wai a little anxious, I confess, and caught a cold in my head peeping through the window-blinds upstairs; for dear aunt, it was not until 3 o'clock I heard a cab driving up the street, and law it stop at bur door; then I thought I should faint, for I was sure some dreadful accident had happened to Orlando.

I ran down to ofien the door, and Mr. Smith, a bachelor friend of Orlando's—who is not, I confess, very much to my taste— such a red-face noisy man—was just sup* porting my dear boy up the steps.' ." Ohj what has happened ? " cried I; " Don't be frightened Mrs! White," said Mr. Smith, " J^othing at all, only White is a little exhausted. Application to business will exhaust a man, and I thought I'd bring him home." "All right, 1 Belle," said Orlando, .:" Smith tells the truth—l'm exhausted."

And, dearest aunt, he was so much to that he spoke quite thick, and couldn't stand up without tottering. Mir. Smith was kind enough to help him upstairs; and: he lay upon the bed so prostrated that I thought he was going to die. Then I remembered the French brandy you gave in the casa of sickness. I ran to get it put. "Have a little brandy-and water,, dear?"

v The very thing. Smith is exhausted, too. Give some to Smith," said he.

And so I reproached myself .for not having thought of it before Mr. Smith was gone. But I gave a glass to Orlando, and under Providence I think it saved hit life; for oh, how bad he was .'

" Belle" said he, quite faltering in his speech, " the room is going round so fast that I can't catch your eye, and . besides there's two of you, and I don't know which is which.

I knew these were dreadful symptoms • " Take a drink dear," said I "and I'll try to wake Mary and send her lor the doctor."

" .No, bo t" said he;" Til be all right in the morning. I'm all right now. Here** your health. You're a brick. I"—and over ho fell fast asleep. Oh, why do men think so much of money-making ? Is not health better than anything else ? Of course, as he lay down in his hat, I took that off first. And I managed to direst him of his coat. But when it came to his boots—dearest aunt, did you ever take off a gentleman's boots! Probably not as you are a single lady—what a task ! How do they ever get them on ? I pulled and tugged, and shook and wriggled and gave it up. But it would not do to leave them on all night; so I«went at it again, and at last one came off so suddenly, and orer I went on the floor, j^Kid into his bat which I had put down $rere for a minute. I could have cried^ And the other came off the same way, just as hard and just as sudden at last. Then I put a soft blanket over Orlando, and I sat in my sewing chair ail night. Oh how heavily he breathed. And I had, as you ; may fancy, the most dreadful fears. He might have killed himself by his over application to business for all that I knew. The perfect ones go first, it is said. . • Oh, how differently should I have felt had anything happened to my beloved Orlando. He has not had so exhausting .(a day since, and I think lie sees the folly of overwork; though if courts keep open iso late, what can poor lawyers do?, I' think it is very Inconsiderate of the Judge* II wonder whether he has a wife-—tne mean old thing. - , ' "'.'■'

Cleeical -Kbeobb.—Three-quartert-of-au-hour aermons. -..-.-

" A Pennsylvatia preacher, while holding lervice recently, gave thanks, in a fervent prayer, for the prosperous condition of " the crops: " Excepting, O Lord, the corn, which is, backward, and the oats, which is mighty thin in spots." S Incredible.—A bellman of a seaport not 100 miles from Whitby, in announcing a teetotal meeting to be held in the temperance hall at that place, said that the meeting would be addressed by six females " who had never spoken before." From the following it appears that some originality has at last found its way into the obituary columns of George W. Child's Philadelphia Ledger:— I*j aside his little trowiera, - That our darling used to wear, i | • -"' He will never on earth want them, «r He ben climbed the golden stair. Ti* fob Tat.—A" darkey was boasting J " to a grocer of the cheapness of 101b. of j < sugar he had purchased at a rival shop. me weigh the package," said the Hffooer. The darkey assented, and it was found 21b. short. This coloured gentleBian looked perplexed for a moment, and then said, "Guess he didn't cheat dis child much... ■ While he was gittin' the sugar I stole tiro pair ob shoes."—American paper. Sons of the Soil. —Thirty-seven years ago Sir Robert Peel presented a farmers' •lub with two iron ploughs of the,beat construction. On his next visit the old ploughs were again at work. "We trifd theirdnj Sir Bobert," said^a member of this enlightened society, " but we all be of one mind that they made the weeds grow." :

A Thirsty Soul—Josh Billings says : — '" Herring inhabit the sea generally ; but those which inhabit the grocery alwus taste to me as though they had been fatted; on salt.; They want a deal of freshening before they're eatin, and also arterward. If I kin have plenty of herring for brekfast, I generally make the other two meals out of water." .

The Latest Venebabie.—The latest venerable youth hails from Bangor, Maine. He is 89, is cutting a new set of teeth, also cuts several cords of wood for daily exercise, gets drunk three times a week, and can " tan" any man of his age in the country. He has buried three wives, and says that he sees no reason why he should stop laying up treasures in heaven just because he is getting along in years.—American paper. .

A Mistake, Indeed .'—Some years ago Prince Czartoryski gave a charity ball at the Hotel Lambert, in Paris, for the benefit of the Polish refugees. The cloak-room arrangements had been so badly made that numbers of great-coats were found to have disappeared, when, annoyed at their loss, several of the subscribers took legal steps to recover their property, and summoned the prince before a justice of peace. "But it's not my fault" protested Prince Czartoryski; "it's a mistake—a simple mistake!" "Do you call this a mistake?" said a stout gentleman, in the most serious manner. "I had a large cloak, with a velvet collar—and this is what was given me in its place," and he drew from his pocket a black silk cap, " Is that what you call a mistake ?"

Dangeb of Wet Clothes. —A person immersed for half aa hour in the cold water of a bath tub, would not be chilled as much as if water were continually thrown on him for that length of time. Evaporation from the surface would carry, off heat faster than it could be diffused througkthewater in the tub. In the bitfcsJ uwe, if the pewenUy perfectly still, the water immediately around kirn would become to a certain extent,; warmed. In the former case, as water in a state of vapor contains niae or ten times as much heat as when liquid, every pound of water evaporated on the surface/ carries from the body heat enough to raise a gallon of ice-cold water to the boiling point. It is plain from this how dangerous it is for people to sit in wet clothes. As, however, woollen is a bad conductor of heat, as compared with cotton, i. c,, does not allow the heat to psss through it ao rapidly, i. is much safer>to sit: in wet W«ollen clothes than in wet cotton,

How Hot Ibon Mat bb Handled. — About the year 1809, one Lionelte, a Spaniard, astonished not only the ignorant, but chemists and other men of icience, by the impunity with which he handled red-hot iron and molten lead, drank boiling oil and performed other feats equally miraculous. While'he was at Naples he attracted the attention of Professor Sementem, who narrowly watched all his operations and endeavored to discover his secret. Sementem's efforts, after performing several experiments upon himself, were finally crowned with success. He found that by friction with sulphuric acid diluted with water, the skin might be made insensible to the action of the heat of red-hot iron; a gJbtion of alum, evaporated until it beclni spongy, appeared to be still more effectual. After having rubbed the parts which were rendered, in some degree, incombustible with hard soap, he discovered on the application of hot iron that their insensibility was increased. He then determined on again rubbing the parts with soap* and after this found that the hot iron not only occasioned no pain, but that it actually did not burn the hair. Being thus far satisfied, the professor applied hard soap to his tongue until it became insensible to the heat of the iron ; and having placed an ointment composed of soap mixed with a solution of alum upon it, boiling oil did not bum it. While the oil remaned on the tongue a slight hissing was heard, similar to that'of hot iron when thrust into water; the oil soon cooled, and was then swallowed without danger. - Several scientific men have singe successfully repeated the experiment of Professor Sementem.

Tl?B LABGEBT BOOM IN THE WOBLD.->-The room for improvement. Jones says that why he isn't married is because that when he wooed she wouldn't. "Shush which is the entrance out?" asked an Irishman at a railway-station the other day. A Boakdino Establishment.—A Carpemter's shop. Apt Illustration. — Instructress: "Miss A., give an axample of a doubtful affirmative." Miss .A. (innocently) : ■■" Asfcipapa." . . : rt Pbecision in Language.—"How old may you be ? " said Mr. A., to ; his friend H., L the other evening. '" I ; cannot; :tell you," was the reply, " how old I may be, but I know how old I am.",, A. Gentleman had a valuable miniature stolen from him a few days since. " Oh, never mind,'' said the friend to whom he told his loss —" everybody is having his likeness taken now-a days." Not to be done.—-A man was offered a dish of maccarbni soup, but declined it,: declaring that they " could't play off any ; b'iled pipe-items on him/ .. ? ; Beginning and Ent>.—A township is laid out at the beginning of its existence, but is inhabitants are laid out at the end of theirs. —American paper. "He hat left a void that cannot be easily filled," as the . bank director touchingly remarked of the absconding cashier. .Next.-—The Danbury, Philosopher observes that the placidity of expression worn by a man who is " next" in a full | barber's shop cannot be counterfeited. „ Quite so !—" Mr. S. Cox.'—lt is with great pleasure that we are able to announce that Mr. S. Cox, son of the Hon. E. K. Cox, who was Kurt in the hunting field a few days as;o, has now nearly quite recovered from the.effecfcsof the accident." —S.M. Herald. Nearly quite recovered! Not quite, but nearly quite. Less quite recovered perhaps than that he would have been, |if he had been more quitely injured by the accident, but still not so very quite recovered as to be absolutely quite, recovered. He ii, however,to-day, quiter recovered than he was yesterday, ■ and will probably be much more quite re- ! covered to-morrow. • In a week or two he will be the, quitest recovered possible.— Sydney Punch. j Shoes—The early Britons- wore coarse bags of hide, made all of one piece, and tied round the ancle, but the .Romans introduced daintier foot-gear, and from them the Anglo-Saxon learned to make both boots and shoes of leather, both being : generally of one piece laced from the toes all the way up with strings, and sometimes protected with a sort of wooden clog. A pair of shoes worn by Bernard, King of Italy, and grand«on of Charlemagne, were r«cently fouud in his tomb. "The soles were wood, and the upper parts of red leather," says an Italian writer. " They were so closely fitted to the feet that the order of the toes, terminating in point at .the great : toe, might easily be discovered." Finer, neater, and greater ornamentation came to be emrloyed in latter times. Some one with a deformed foot is said to have first had shoes pinched at the toe, and the innova- j tion was so much admired that, in spite j of the denunciation of monks and priests, it was widely followed by courtiers and gallants of the Middle Ages.. 'There were i scorpion-tail shoes and rams-horn shoes; the long curly points being staffed with tow as well as of toe. <: Shoe-toesibecame more natural, but high heels, then called chopines were introduced in Elizabeth's reign. This fashion also came from Italy; and Coryate reports that in his time the chopines were so common that no one could go withou them. The changes of faahi6n; in shoes" and boots during the lasktwo.or three centuries may be traced in famiffar paintings such as Hogarth's; A Judge's Time.-—ltt ACQurtof justice not 50 miles from Montreal an setM&was brought for the sum of tTro dollars, At the trial, when the plaintiff's counsel was proceeding to make a professional statement of the case, his Honour interrupted him, and, throwing down a, two-dollar b 11 to the clerk, said, " There's the money; each party pays his own costs." " But," said defendant's counsel, " I have something to say about the settlement of the case. I have pleaded to it." "What," said his Honour, " pleadings in a case for two dollars ? Do you think I am going to sit here half a day to listen to pleas in an action for two dollars ? My time is ; worlchx more than that. Call the next case." !; ■:*

Deaih Before Diphonoub.—The life of an editor is not always strewn'with roses and free passes; but it does our i heart good to learn every now and then that the craft is worthy, of: its great name, i and that heroism is not yet dead in its ranks. In Kentucky, when a young man I gets in JpFed^e,p: enough,to speftk his sentiments in ryhme which he is sure is poetry, and which he wishes to see in print, loads his shot gun, and starts for the editor of a country paper. If the editor refuses to publish his "pome " the irate child of genius unloads his gun under the editor's ear, or in some other portion -of his anatomy. To the honor of the craft, be it said, ,a great ? .many, often prefer death 9 to dishonour.- 1-^American paperJ" Influence of Food.—An excellent hint is given in the following item : Dr. Hall relates the case of a man who was cured of his billiousness by going without his supper and, drinking Jreelyf of lemonade; TErery morning; says! the! doctor, this patient arose with a wonderful sense of refreshment, and feeling as though the blood had. been literally washed, cleansed and cooled by the lemonade and fast. His theory is that food can be used as a remedy for many .diseases successfully. As an example, he cures spitting of blood by the use of salt; epilepsy, by watermelon;,.kidney affection^ ij^f^^hpoisan, by iolire or sw*6tloxl; /erysipilai, by pounded cranberries applied to the part affected; hydrophobia, by onions; etc. I So the way to keep in good health iis really to know what to eat. ■