THAMES TATTLE.

Thames Advertiser, Volume VII, Issue 1783, 8 April 1874, Page 3

THAMES TATTLE.

—0 — ' ■■■■ "Tisbnt The truth in masquerade." Scene: A room in the hotel, Nil Desperanduni. "Eed Cap" and "Eunboy" seated discussing beeronietry X.Bhrenfried's). Enter York. in black costume.—Eed Cap: What ghostly apparition meets us here—parson, priest, or dev.—Eunboy: Have mercy on us, miserable sinners.—York: Be not afraid, it is I, the York that ministers unto you. Eynd friends take a tract.—Hed Cap: " Thoucomestin such questionable shape" we had better make tracks.—Runboy: " Old hoss," who the 'duce has started you in the religious tract distribution line?— York: Well it was W; Eraser, Esq., "don't you understand;" but I quickly sold out to ," Snooks," the " local ped" and "actyive agent ..of a metropolitan contemporary." He is a yarn spinner by trade, and nature lias endowed him with a whine of the proper pitch.— Ked Cap: When he pitches a true yarn the sun and moon will cease to spin, and Joshua be believed in.—Eunboy: A pair of goggles or couple of Brassey's eyeballs would just fix him up. He's got a starfcon atlast—l'm soglad.— York: A start! that reminds ma of an advertisement, stating that "Polly Plum" intends to start a class of young ladies,' for instruction, Jericho, or soma other place; the "starter" has evidently been reading up Bell's Life or Eunboy. It smacks just a little too much of slang for a social reformer-ess and teacher-ess of young ladies.—Eunboy: True, oh king. She might start a waggon, run a newspaper, or grind an. organ, that's proper; but to open a school, and commence a class for the instruction of young ladies with the announcement "lintend to start" is exceedingly improper—riot according to Cocker; therefore, a false start. —Eed Cap: I think tho sooner the Kauwaeranga School Committee make a fresh start with their "white elephant" the better; her.crotchets and complaints aro becoming quite a nuisance; before sho " intends to start" another class let her bestow a little of her surplus enorgy on those a, b, o's and g-o go's she has got already. Five pounds a«weok ought to be enough for her to devote all her time and attention to the State's scholars.— Runboy: Soh, woh! gently, draw rein. Let York lit her with.a. coat.—York: But sho is a petticoat.—Eed Cap: No petty coat will; envelope her. Let her go, and. just explain how you managed to get into tho blaok.

Have you become a Mason, a Good Templar, or an undertaker ? -black is their colour; or did you get the toggery along with the tracts ?—York: No, black is too loud a colour for W. Fraser, Esq., his fancy is a modest check. This coat " The popular paget," is a vote of thanks from Joe Moses, for introducing him to the public. -Kunboy: Does he want any more introductions ? When I mounted the candidates "pro bona publico" none ever thought of presenting me with a horse. I'll go forOoombes. Times are so jolly dull that I can never start more than one piece at a time. A coat then, a vest now, and when decency compells, a pair of two bob breeks.—York: Oh, wrap it up fine, like the legs of tho Thames Scottish, and say tmos-ers. —Uedcap: Trowsers, trews, or breeches. Joe Moses has got off cheap. He might live for twenty years and not find himself in the reading columns of a newspaper again. Let him rip. York, what about the Mayoralty coat and the borough bantlings. _ Who is to wear the borou»h bays, that is the question now before the public?—Eunboy: The borough, bantums are busy hatching, and will bring forth a mayor at the Court-house, Grahamstown, on Wednesday, at 10 a.m. precisely. A protuberant councillor will " chip the egg." A mere monger " draw out the chick" with his tongs, and "the post" clean away the shells, the whole process of incubalion being superintended by the "municipality midwife," which will cackle out her congratulations on the first_ appearance of the baby,, Mayoria Oavies; that's the "procram"Aßed Cap: To maintain the credic of the Thames, they must vote him a salary, and build him a mansion-house, so that the public visitors and guests may be received and entertained with that dignity and hospitality _ the importance of the Borough necessitates, otherwise Mr Davies will find civic honours too heavy for him to bear.—York: You see there is a morbid feeliug that (as he has served his own interest, and rubbed along in public service somehow) to offer him the bays is the proper thing to do. I don't think he will accept the office ; he will sacrifice his ambition for the public weal.—Runboy: tie will, with a hook ; he'll cure his hambition withasixmonths' spellatmayorship. -lied Cap: The proper thing for him to do is to refuse it, and yield the pride of place to a representative of the mining interest,—Eunboy: Some of them would prefer to elect "Swell Pub.," or "Pillbox."—Red Cap: " Pub me no Pub's," swell, or otherwise. As for the doctor, he is out of the question. Public opinion is dead against that chosen apostle of the' " upp-aw crust." Ye " sad underdone bottoms" of the social pie, ye burrowing burghers, on your bottoms shall you stope&ll the days of your life. Your only chance of hob-nobbing with the "upper crust"is to have a hawwid old inquest moug-aw "to sit upon' your body" at the rate of three guineas a " corpse." Pah, if not Davies, it must be Hennan, or-—. Eunboy: Borfchwick, of the" Whau," Thomas,of the"Queen of Beauty," or that " incarnation of fat dividends," Workman; give 'em some inducement to stop and spend their money in the place.—Xork: Pact of it is,, some of these bantuni3 ignore the mining interests, and think because a man comes out of a mine with luck there's nothing in him. They say if it had not been for his money we should never have heard of Eennan. — Eed Cap: That shows his modesty, and sense. He has not the confounded impertinence to come before the public with empty pockets; he comes with time and money at his disposal, and business capacity equal to any of the elected to serve the public interest.—Runboy: Stop till I mako_ a hatfull of- nvmey, I'll run for something, and won't I make some of these "upp-aw civst" cattle stand off the grass.—tied Cap: These gentlemen have not got such teeming brain-pans to.boast of; they forget that miners as a class are their equals if not superiors in education, ability, and commercial integrity; and though they may not have graduated at a sung in a pulpit, or howled upon the stump, are quite as capable of managing the Borough business as any "bug"among them.-York: That's all right; we even had a bellman that could teach the learned doctor a thing .or two. But let's adjourn-Eed Cap: To the bar, and hear the W.C.T. sing "If I had a donkey."-Bunboy: Go-ahead, The fair Alexis of this establishment cau never tell who's who of us three. Follow York, Eed Cap, I'm with you. "Motley's the only wear" for the last of the Mohicans. Essemt omnes, A Pabty by the name op Johnson.