ORIGINAL POETRY.

Thames Guardian and Mining Record, Volume I, Issue 20, 30 October 1871, Page 3

ORIGINAL POETRY.

BAFTISMAL CONVERSION A British sailor once fell ve.y slcV, And, gei ting worse, bethou; ,’t him that Old Nick Would se’. Je with h'm a few awkward scorrs Whenever he could catch h : m ia his claws.' So ia a funk he for a parson sent Ant, ct h's b'd-'ing, quick the parson went, Aixiors to give h'm evey correlation, And try and save poo" Jack from conciemnaation. Jack to his Reverence did his sins reveal, Nor tried one peccadillo to conceal. The catalogue took liou-s to get through. One would have thought Jack’s chance looked vciy b'ue. But not so he ; for. w ; th a beaming smile, He ended saying, “Though my 1‘ e'sbeen vile, There’s one good thing been done at least by me, when, Some years ago, I Christs* ahed a heathen.” “Convert a heathen l”said the man of prayer, Wlm, flabbergasted at poor Jack, did stare. “ Conveit a heathen ! Ready I must ask Ho w you accomp’Jshed such au arduoustask V Says Jack, “Some years ago, on board a ship, A heathen shipmate overboard did slip. I jumped into the boat, aud, when lie rose, I just above the water held lrs nose. Says I. ‘Are ycu a Christian ?’ Says be, ‘ No.' Wncrcupou I shoved the beggar’s head Dclow, Am 1 , when I let him up, I’d stopped his cheek, The heathen lubber scarce awo i could speak. ‘Arc you a Christian?’ again says I. ‘ No,’ was again the hea.iieu cove's rep’y. At this I lather savage cot to grow, Aud, for five nri uu.es, shoved his head oelow, Aud, when I let nim up, he scarce could utter A word, but made a most infernal sp'u 1 ter. ‘ Are you a Christian V again says 1. He gasped out, ‘ Yes.’ ‘ Then, in that faith you die.’ S» saying, down again I shoved his bead, And never let him up till he was dead.” J. B.

Frof. Huxley, in a lrte lecture, sa'd that the present femiimc fashions outrage all common sense by displaying a woman’s figiue in the fo.m of a caud'e-exrin- iv'shcr upside down; that such au absurd style of dress is physically iujurious and anatomical'y monstrous.” A jeweller of Sou.abridge, Massachusc.ts lias made a silver low-pressuic marine engine, eve., y part comp'ete, which covers no Lrger space thau a silver quarter dollar. It ia described us of teu-mosquho power.” “ I wonder wnat causes my eyes to be so weak?” said a fop to a gentleman. “They are in a weak place,” replied the latter. A lady who was greatly annoyed by the loquacity of her servants, being asked why she didn’t try dumb waiters, replied, “ I have tried them, but they don’t answer.” Here is the frce-love marriage vow as finally adopted: “We promise to love each other, and live in the same brown stone front till we are tired of each other, and see some one wc like better.” A little vagrant boy brought up in a London police court, iu reply to questions said : “ I don’t lire nowhere. I ain’t got no friends. I sleep at night under the showboard agin the Lyceum Theayter. Sometimes I gits under other boards.” A Maryland paper improves upon the usual style of death notices by recording that au infant was “ bom into the order of fallen nature, Dec. 30tli, 1859; into the supernatural sphere of redeeming grace, April 27, 18 1 0 and into the kingdom of the everlasting, July oth, 1871.”

Men make fools of women, and when they get a fool for a wife they spend the restTof their days in cursing the sex. A young and remarkably pretty girl has been appointed watch at the bridge over the Neuse river, near Goldsboro, N.C. It takes just 247 curls for the head of a city belle. The barber begins about 10 o’clock in the morning, and gets through at about 9 at night. “ Spray ” is the popular name for beverage in the oil regions. Coal oil was tried by a Mississippi farmer as a remedy fur potatoe bugs. It succeeded in killing the bugs, vines, trees, and most of the children in the vicinity. A boys’ paper in Boston advises the Humane Society to arrest all persons in the city who bottle catsup. Coming to grief—Meeting trouble half way.

Some wag gets this off: “ Purp-etual motion —a dog’s tail.” Toothache in the early ages (long before Marks.A.li.A.) —The first dentist’s name was, going to the root of things, undoubtedly Curius Dentatus. A providence paper talks about “animated fragments of shattered rainbows.” The writer means ladies. A young man who was caught pressing hissweetheart to his breast the other night, justfies himself on the ground that he has a right to strain his own honey. The good little boy lives near Lavenworth, Kansas. When a rattlesnake bit him the other day, he caught the reptile in his hand and pulled its fangs from the wound. Then he sucked the wound all the way to the house, and when there applied a poultice of onions, salt, and tobacco. He went to work next morning as usual. To Cricketers. —What would you give a thirsty batsman I —Why, a full pitcher.— “ Punch.” What is the difference between a plan of a battle-field and a roasted pippin ?—One is a war-map—the other a warm apple. Never interpret social maxims too literally. To “ speed the parting guest,” it is not essential that you kick him down stairs. A party of open-air performers were going through their performance in the Boulevards of Paris, when one of them commenced climbing a ladder on one end, and balancing it as he ascended. On his reaching the summit a Frenchman thus addressed an Englishman :—“ Ah, Monsieur Anglaise, you never sec any ting like dat in l’Angleterre, eh ?” “ Oh, yes,” replied the Englishman, “ I have seen better than that. I have seen man go up a ladder blindfolded, with both feet tied.” “Ah, bon, bon, ver good,” said Frenechy; “ den, sarc, I shall tell von better dan dat. I have seen dem go up de ladder on one side, obtr de top, and come down on de oder side. Now match dat, Johnny de Bull.” “Yes, and beat it, too,” answered the Englishman coolly, “ for I have seen them go up the ladder to the top, and then —mark what I say—and then draw up the ladder after them, and go up again,” “ Ah, oh, ah, Liable, mou Dieu !” muttered the Frenchman, as he reared from the crowd,