THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 2239, 11 August 1891, Page 2

THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

A rather suggestive debate took place in our New Zealand House of Lords a short time ago. The subject uuder discussion was a measure for extending the facilities of obtaining the judicial separation of husband and wife, and, in that delightfully incoherent way so peculiarly their own, the lords digressed into an argument on the advisability of extending the franchise to ladies. One peculiarity of the debates of our much respected lords is gloominess. Let the subject be what it may, the lords can see nothing but the dismal side of it, and so a settled pall of gloom permanently enshrouds the whole Chamber. On this occasion a mysterious dread of impending danger seems to have added its depressing influence to the prevailing despondency, and sat over all as fixedly as Poe's raven over the bust of Pallas. In this frame of mind they approached the discussion of the extension of the franchise to the ladies, and some of them averred that unless " women's rights," were granted immediately more husbands would run the risk of being poisoned by their wives. Now I hold that our venerable lords are in a position to form a sound judgment on the subject. By common consent they partake of the nature and characteristics of ancient females, and consequently they possess an intuitive understanding of the machinations of the female mind. Sceptics may aver that their nervousness arises from a consciousness of their own inutility, but it is too risky for us to ground our security on such wild speculations. I think it far safer to take the warning of our reverend seigniors, and grant the ladies their rights at once. Of course I am not afraid of poison, not at all, but this has convinced me, and I am therefore a " woman's rights" man henceforth and for ever.—Amen. In one respect I am favored above most mortals. Whenever matters of extraordinary import weigh heavily on my mind one of the Muses is sure to come to cheer me. On this occasion, while pondering over the warning of the lords, I felt gentle zephyrs playing amongst my curls (I am one of the curled darlings of the Muses, you know), while the room began to fill with the fragrance of Mount Olympus. Knowing full well what it meant I. looked round, and was stonished by the presence of a stranger of an appallingly splendid, though severe, aspect. " Who are you?" I .asked. "The Tragic Muse," ; she replied. " Melpomene?" I exclaimed. " The same, at your service," was her answer. "We have not met before," I muttered, in tremulous accents. "No," she replied, "you have hitherto fluttered like a butterfly in the garden of sweet poesy, and some of my sisters have presided over your exhilirations. Now, however, the theme is tragic, hence my presence," and without further discourse I felt under the spell, and commenced writing. Let me tell the reader, however, that the following verses are of the tragic type, and hence the absence of humor.

WOMEN'S RIGHTS. 0 ladies fair, 1 do declare Silent slaves too long you've slumbered, Be of good cheer, Rejoice to hear Your days of servitude are numbered. All your dreaming, And your scheming, Now are ripening to fruition; Our House of Lords, In trembling words, Aver your rights needs recognition. Tra la la, &c, &c. I'm surprised Unfranchised Contented you so long have tarried; You'd no need, Because, indeed, You always ruled the dupes you married, Who'd foil your wishes, 'Tween your kisses And your effervescent temper, Would tire of life, And of a wife, And wish he'd died in last December. Tra la la, &c, &c. O ladies dear, To me 'tis clear You're models of angelic meekness; Or how,could you So long subdue The cravings of this gentle weakness! On my Bible, 'Tis a libel To say you'd imitate La Sparta In any way If men delay In yielding up your Magna Charta. Tra la la, &c, &c. Old or young, You have a tongue, _ Your eloquence is quite appalling; To Parliament, If you are sent, You'll be a treasure at stonewalling. In declamations And orations I'm sure your match you'll find in no man. In ancient Greece Old Socrates Was trained in speaking by a woman. Tra la la, &c, &c. Pretty dears Cease your fears, Before the next election maybe You'll have votes, And Mr Rhodes Will kiss you instead of the baby. With your flirting, So diverting, You'll entrance his legal noddle. 'Twas your sister, Ere he kissed her, Turned the head of Aristotle. Tra la la, &c, &c,

Then here's to you In mountain dew, 0 may your tongues wag on for ever; And may the day Be far away "When men shall doubt that you are clever. Take what you choose, We can't refuse, Take our hearts, our homes, our riches; But, when you're boss, Let winter puss Before you take away cur breeches. Tra la la, &c, &c.

The above poem being of the tragic order, needs, I think explaining. The reader will observe that I am ready to swear that the ladies will not imitate "La Sparta." That is hardly correct. The lady's name was "La Spara," but the "t" slipped in there without my knowledge, and as it seemed to me to improve the rhyme I allowed it to remain there. It wont make much difference, as the lady is dead, but perhaps a few words about her would prove interesting. La Spara lived in Italy about 250 years ago, before judicial separations were dreamt of.. In those days women were often compelled to marry men who were not of their own choice, the result being domestic unhappiness. La Spara being of an enterprising turn of mind, saw that a long-felt want needed; being supplied, so she set up in business as a dispenser of an elixir called " acquetta," and very soon young widows began to increase and multiply at an astounding rate. The acquetta Avas clear and tasteless, and it could be made of such strength that it would kill in a day, a week, or a month, just according to the hurry the party giving it was in to attain the desired end. La Spara did a roaring trade, until 600 marriages had been effectually dissolved through her instrumentality. At last the mortality of young husbnads attracted attention, with the result that La Spara and thirteen of her friends were hanged, while a large number of others were whipped, half naked, through the streets of Rome. But there was nothing extraordinary in this in those days. The art was widely practised all over Europe, and even in England it had developed to such a degree that Henry VHI. passed an Act condemning poisoners to be boiled to death over a slow fire. No doubt the knowledge of all tnese things had something to do with the prophetic warnings of our House of Lords. Talking about the relations df husband and wife has just recalled to my mind an instance where a husband sued for protection from his wife. She used to assault him regularly, and the poor fellow had been so illused by her that he had to seek the protection of the Court. I refer to this because a popular notion is that it is the " brute of a husband " who is always at fault. Whatever is wrong is always put down to the " brute of a husband," for of course the angelic wife could do no wrong, For once, in the case above referred to, common sense prevailed, and the poor husband obtained protection.

Mr O'Conuor proposes to run the railways free, just like ordinary highways. The people pay rates for keeping our roads in order, why not do the same with regard to our railways ? he says. Just so. Let everyone get a train of his own, just as he gets his own dray or buggy, and run free on the railway, This is really a fine idea, and I highly approve of it. Com O'Lanus, K.C.M.G-.