THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 2161, 10 February 1891, Page 2

THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

It is not generally known, I believe, that I have been to Wellington. I went there to coach the new Ministry, but I quarrelled with them during the first few days, and left them. The cause of thequarrei was the Governor’s dinner. When Ministers received an invitation to dine with the Governor 1 told them they ought not to go. The Governor had behaved very badly in making the appointments to the Legislative Council and in speaking to the deputation of members in the snobbish way he did. On this ground 1 told them that they, as the representatives of the people who had not only been injured but insulted, would condone a very grave offence by accepting the invitation, but I could not keep them from going. The temptation was too great, and they yielded to it; but 1 stood out and refused to go, and then left them to their fate,

Last Sunday I delivered a magnificent sermon to the junior devil on the appointments to the Legislative Council, my text being as follows : “ And he called him and said to him ; How is it that I hear this of thee ? Give an account of thy stewardship, for now thou canst be steward no longer. And the steward said within himself, What shall I do because my lord taketh away from me the stewardship ? To dig lam net able; to beg lam ashamed, I know what I will do, that when I shall be removed from the stewardship they may receive me into their houses. Therefore, calling together every one of his lord’s debtors, he said to the first, How much dost thou owe my lord ? But he said, An hundred barrels of oil; and he said to him, Take thy bill and sit down quickly and write fifty.” And I went on reading the corrupt practices the unjust steward indulged in.

I proceeded to explain in eloquent language the perfidious conduct of the unjust steward in giving away his lord’s substance in this scandalous manner so that the people might receive him into their houses, and, after expatiating on the wickedness of such conduct, I brought around my argument very cleverly to fit in with the Legislative Council appointments. Sir Harry Atkinson was the unjust steward, and the electors of New Zealand were his lord. Sir Harry, like the unjust steward, having been called upon to give an account of his stewardship, was found wanting and dismissed. he tyithin him- (

self, just like the unjust steward, “ To dig I am not able; to beg I am ashamed. I shall provide for myself first of all, and also provide for the representatives of banka and monopolists, m the Council, so that if I shall get hard up at any time they may remember it for me.” The junior devil said he never heard the parable of the unjust steward so ably handled, or so aptly applied, and, though he felt indifferent to the appointments to the Legislative Council at first, he became greatly excited when the whole villainy was laid bare before him, and he is now most violently opposed to them.

There was a bit of fun in Parliament one evening over the BiddyAloriartyism of two Otago gentleman. Apparently all the dirtiness of the late Government has not been made known yet, for Mr Pish proposed a string of questions about some doubtful affairs in the Wakatipu district. This brought Foghorn Fergus to his feet in a great rage, and he gave notice that he would introduce a Bill to prevent persons sitting as members of Parliament who had been found guilty of accepting bribes for the rendering of public services. This tickled my fancy very much, especially the tales which hang thereby.

West Coasters must be rather free and easy in theological matters, according to Bishop Julius. He said in his recent lecture in Temuka that at a place which he visited one of the churchwardens was a Roman Catholic and the other a Presbyterian. Thie reminds me of the West of Ireland story whore a Catholic priest lent his congregation to a Church of England minister —the Rev. W. H. Maxwellon the occasion of a bishop’s visit. The Rev. Mr Maxwell was placed in charge of a district in the West of Ireland where there was not a single Protestant, with the exception of his immediate dependents. The place suited Mr Maxwell, and he wished to remain there, and so he from time to time sent in glowing reports of the progress he was making. At last his bishop intimated to him that he intended to visit his parish, and thus he was placed in an awkward predicament. The Catholic priest of the district was his greatest and best friend, so he at once besought bis counsel, with, the result that Ihe priest supplied him with a very numerous congregation for the bishop’s visit. This really occurred, the clergyman being the Rev. Mr Maxwell, the author of the adventures of Brian O’Lynn.

A great mystery has been solved, and the police of South Canterbury will henceforward breathe easier, For years the police and others have firmly believed that a private still existed somewhere on the Levels Plains, and very frequently efforts have been put forward to discover it, but to no avail. It was believed that the “ still ” was hidden away in an excavation under some one of the houses, and that the smoke from it was going up the chimney, but what house no one could say. The belief originated in this way: Tears ago someone passing along the road to Timaru felt his olfactory organs attacked by the smell of poteen whiskey. He told others of it, and they, too, smelled the same thing. The police heard of it, and came smelling about there also, with the result that they became converts to the prevailing faith in the presence of of poteen. The whole thing has now been explained. A gentleman living in the neighborhood has discovered that the delicious odors are produced by a sort of weed that grows in abundance in the locality, but if I were a policeman I would keep my weather eye on that gentleman.

This is the age of ingenuity. There is over in Australia a gentleman who rejoices in the name of ’ihomas Dyke, and who makes his living by carrying a swag. Mr Dyke is partial to brandy, but as no one pays him for carrying the swag he is often driven to his wits' end to procure his favorite beverage. He created a sensation in the Roadside Arms on the Darling not long ago by rushing in screaming for help, and soon a black snake was pulled out of the leg of his breeches. The snake was dead, but he said his, leg had been punctured by the snake and asked for brandy, which is regarded as an antidote to snake-bite. Dor two days he was kept dosed with brandy, after which he was pronounced out of danger, and he went his way. profuse in his thanks for the kindness done to him. Laughter commingled with profanity in the Roadside Arms a few days afterwards when it became known that Mr Dyke had been bitten by snakes in the vicinity of all the public houses in the neighborhood. He went about until he got a snake and killed it, then slipped it up the leg of his trousers and rushed into the publichouse in a frightful state of excitement, with the result as above stated. Mr Dyke was built for better things.

A good story cornea to me from Invercargill. A few days ago there came into the Bluff harbor a vessel with acarletina on board, and the inhabitants were greatly annoyed with the captain and the authorities on account of it. One day last week a party of gentlemen were discussing the subject in a first class carriage in the train which runs between Invercargill and the Bluff, and amongst those present were the

Chairman and Secretary of the Harbor Board, a few notable citizens, as well as a stranger in broadcloth and belltopper. The discussion became very animated, and the citizens became violent in their denunciation of the captain on account of the part he played in the affair. All condemned him in unmeasured phraseology except the stranger in broadcloth, who now and again interjected conciliatory remarks. Suggestions of pains and penalties were thrown out, and ultimately the chairman of the Harbor Board said If I were the captain I would load up as quick as I could and get out into the stream.” “ That is what the captain will do exactly ” said the stranger in broad cloth, “I am the captain ” 1 hey looked at him, looked at his great bulk, saw that his fighting weight was a great deal above the average, and all the violence, and all the vehemence, and all the everthmg oozed out of them, and they joined in voicferous laughter, in which the captain took a leading part. Com O’Lanhs, K.C.M.G.