THE WAYS OF THE WOULD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 2143, 30 December 1890, Page 2

THE WAYS OF THE WOULD.

Home again, hurray! I have had rough times of it since my readers last heard of me. In ihe beginning of last session I reeeived the following telegram:—" The Premier is very ill. We want you at once." I went to Wellington, and had to run the show during Sir Harry's illness, and a terrible job it was. The team had already nearly killed poor Sir Harry, and no wonder. They were most unmanageable. I have lectured Tommy Hislop for hours on the necessity of being courteous in his bearing towards members, but though he would promise me everything his spiteful disposition would soon get the better of him, and next moment he would convert his best friend into his deadliest enemy. As for the Foghorn nothing could be done with him, He would be useful to a aearch party in a bush, but beyond this no good could be got out of him. Fred. Kichardson is sometimes genial and pleasant but a thoroughbred Tory, and I had as much as I could do to keep him in order, He would sell all the land in the couatry to raise the wind, and we always quarrelled over it. Well, the elections went against us, and we all got a little bad tempered and I cleared out. Sir Harry followed me to Temuka and begged and prayed of Eae to go back, so that he could retire from office and take the agentgeneralnhip, but I absolutely declined it. I told him I would rather go to gaol than rua such a team again, and the last words the poor old man uttered were " Well, they will kill me before I can get rid of them." He looked really dejected and forlorn, but though I sympathised with him I would not go back. I had too much of the Foghorn.

Who will say now that wa lack loyalty ia these colonies ? An editor of a newspaper in New South Walea published an article criticising the actions of the Prince of Wales, with the result that his name was struck off the list of Justices of the Peace. This is a good, sound, solid piece of fiunkeyism. It is doubtless the work of a small-minded tinkering little creature, who has not the ability to attract notice in any other way, and thinks that by this display of loyalty he will win a knighthood. Alas! Creatures of this type are frequently knighted, and more is the pity, The Prince of Walea is my friend, but at the same time I do not see why he should not be criticised as well as anyone else. If he has been libelled let him have recourse to law in the ordinary way. The Atkinson Government are not so very particular about who shall sit on the J.P. Bench. Up in Napier, a person named So wry, a J.P., has been proved to have imde a false declaration in order to dummy land, but the Government will not remove his name from the Conmission of the Peace. It is evidently a more serious offence to criticise the Prince of Wales than to make a false declaration. O, the times! 0, the morals !

Fancy Lord balisbury, Prime Minister of Edgland, accused of smuggling. No one would believe it, yet it was so not long ago. Lord Salisbury returned from a trip td the Continent, and some one—probably a smuggler who was too hard pressed—deposited in hie carriage a quantity o£ smuggled brandy and cigars. Lord Salisbury was allowed to go, but hia carriage and coachman were detained. I should like to see him get six months. It would do beautifully as a counterblast to Parnell's delinquincies.

A poet writes as follows: Men don't believe in the Devil now As their fathers used to do ; They've forced the doors of the broadest creed To let his majesty through. There isn't a print of the cloven foot, Or a fiary dart from hia bow, To be found on earth or in sir to-day, For the world has voted t so. But who ia mixing the fatal draught That palsied heart and brain, And loads the bier of each passing year With ten hundred thousand slain ? Who blights the bloom of the land to-day With the fitary breath of hell, If the Devil isn't and never was! Won't somebody rise and tell T Who dogs the steps of the toiling saint, And digs the pit forjjhis fast! Who aowfl the tares in'the fiald of time, Wherever God aows-his wheat 1 The Devil is voted not to be, And of oourse the thing is true ; But who is doing the kind of work The Devil alone should do ; We are told he does not go about As a roaring lion now ; But whom shall we hold responsible For the everlasting row To be heard in church and home and State, To earth's remotest bound, [f the Devil by unanimous vote la nowhere to be found ! Won't aomebodyatep to the front fv>rthwith

And maka their bow, and show Ifi>w the frauds and crimoa of a single day Spring; up t We wunt to know, Th« Devil w.ia fairly, votod out, And of course tha Devil is afoue ; But simple people would like to know Who carries his business ou ?

I have inquired into this matter, and find that F. W. Badham, Esq., editor of the Bulmer Booker, is running the show just now. The fact is the Devil appears (o have got weary of the work, owing to the increase of population, and his health broke down. He has taken a holiday, but meantime Mr Badham will see that the work is efficiently done. The position suits him; the work is congenial; it is a labor of love to him.

Good character is necessary in every avocation of life except as a politician. A member of the House of Representatives needs to have no testimonials ; they are not required of him, and he needs to have no aptitude for the work. For instance, Mr Fisher, of Wellingcon, and Mr Fish, of Dunedin, have not only been elected at the top of the poll by the Labor party, but they have also been presented with purses of sovereigns. Without prying more closely into the characters of both these gentlemen, they were both elected in 1887 to oppose Sir Harry Atkinson, but Mr Fisher became one of his Ministers, and Mr Fish his thorough-going supporter, until the elections drew near. Now these two gentlemen have been elected &» Liberals by the Labor Unions, but without the slightest doubt unless Mr Ballance can take both of them into the Ministry they will work heaven and earth to turn him ouc. And if Mr Ballauce takes in either of them the country will very soon kick him out, for the country will not have them as Ministers. Both these gentlemen will prove a thorn in the side of Mr Ballance yet, but what does it matter, The electors will vote for them, and present them with purses of sovereigns, and sing long may they live. Alas, for the poor country that ia dependent on such electors. Give me back despotism. It could not be worse. Com O'Lanus, K.C.M.G.