THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1977, 3 December 1889, Page 2

THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

The following letter has reached me;— Sir, — I feel pleased that there is a tender spot in man’s heart, and that of late, especially in Europe, he has been very kind to those ofttimea despised, though useful, animals—dogs. How different they must feel now that physicians are employed to attend to their ailments ! Doubtless this groat change is due to the efforts of Mr Cori O’Lanus while on his recent visit to the Prince of Wales and Shah of Persia. Sir Cori is tho last mao in the world to take u delight in seeing blood and hair fly, hence moat likely ho has been on a mission throughout Europe for the better treatment of dogs. If such has been case, may 1 ash bin; what is the best thing to be done with a certain dog io Geraldine? While on u far different mission than the last-mentioned one, this sagacious animal thought fit to make a hasty men) out cf the lower part of one of my understandings. 1 like dogs, but sometimes they impose rather much on n fellow’s good nature. Do you think I would be admi'ted to the hospital on account of this misfortune? How nice it most be there, when the only unpleasant thought that crosses one’s mind is • I hope they will not kick me out too soon. Hope that poor sufferer is doing wel l , and that he is stilt in those comfortable lodgings. Now a few words concerning that gifted man rejoicing under the name of “Spuds.” I never was aware till now that Geraldine could boast of a man possessing such a large amount of mental power. What a splendid idea of hia about retrenchment in Churches! Not only that, but see what a capital joke about the chairman’s bottomless pockets. Doubtless Mr Spuds possesses a lively imagination, and, like other great men, is often uplifted in a world of fancies. You warmly praise his efforts, and give him good advice. But, still, admitting this man to be clever, I really believe when he raids the answer to his scheme that it will be advisable for the head gardener in Geraldine to transplant Mr Spuds to Sunnyside vegetable garden. There he will flourish, instead of, as you thought, being ready for the “ pit,” Bye-the-bye, I would like to say a few words about a more serious matter than “ Spuds or dogs.” I refer to the Geraldine County Council’s irrigation scheme. One of the ratepayers—a Mr J. D. Jones—by a letter in your 23rd inst,, denounced the actions of the council as decidely foolish. This gentleman, with sarcastic eloquence, informs ns that the members of the council are blest with more ignorance than anv other public body in New Zealand. What a startling fact—and how ignorant the public are of it. There are (wo things plainly wanting in this district: Firstly, it is » pity we have no more men like the writer—so keen in searching out existing evils, imaginary i or otherwise ; secondly, that the writer’s J worth is ae little appreciated that he does not even hold a seat in a degraded county

council. 1 hear by report that some of the ratepayers residing between Geraldine and Winchester are in the habit of mealing together, nod, with withering speech, heaping reproaches en the erring council. The question is : What shall be done ? My advice is that Mr Cori O’Latms’s wisdom be brought to bear on the matter, if this great man so planned (hat by grafting a rhubarb stalk on an onion bulb (he earth would yield a double crop, could

be not Mao settle this water question? I do hope dear Cori will interfere before the illused “ Geraldine flats ” are flooded out b} the large amount of water that will; flow down these races, I had a dream—oh how different to rfir Con’s vision of the night! I behold, and lo ! whole families were rushing io the wildest confusion from before the rushing wa'ers. 0 Cori! come are it is too late, and prevent a second Johnstown disaster. Hack the present conned, whose only qualification for holding office is their gross ignorance of pub'ic ethirs. Form a council after your own heart, not forgetting that Mr Jones lives in the district. Then what a change ! —everyone happy, everyone prosperous, and Mr O’Lanqs more famous than ever j Most earnestly J trust Ups will come to pass. Oori could easily do it. Consider, for instance, the prompt way ho dealt with the siofal editor of this paper for taking his name in vain. And now, hoping that the ratepayers will not decide to put me in the coffin intended for Mr Spuds, for making new discoveries, I am, etc., CABBAGE. Mr Gabbage, you are gall and wqeqv* wood rolled up iu one to me. How daje you, sir, address me as Mr Cori

O’Lanus ? I am thirsting for your blood, but I am told 90 per cent, of a cabbage is water. Know you, sir, that I am a titled gentleman, by Royal Letters Patent, and that my proper appellation is Sir Hon O’Lanus, K C.M.G. If you offend again in this direction I will spill the 90 per cent, of water out of your head, then you wont have sufficient humidity left in your composition to enable you to shed a tear over the tomb of the late lamented Mr Spud. Beware!

As regards the dog which tackled your calf, I think your beat plan is to strike up an intimacy with him, until you can get him to the back of a butcher’s shop where a sausagemachine is kept. Leave the dog there and come away, and I will pay the doctor’s bill if you ever see him again. The flood business is serious, but the danger from it may be obviated at a comparatively small expense. Whenever you see any danger of a flood break a bottle of whisky in the water at the head of the race; then make this known to the good templars at the lower end, and they will drink the race dry to get at the liquor.

Irishmen are always credited with having the exclusive right to manufacture ‘ bulls,’ but it is a fact that Englishmen sometimes trench on this right. At a dinner given by the Marquis of Salisbury recently, a country gentleman, in proposing a toast, said: “ I feel that for a plain country squire like myself to address this learned company is indeed to cast pearls before swine.” It took him ten minutes to understand why everyone got a sudden fit of laughter.

Mr Conybeare, an English member of Parliament, went over to Ireland with two Oxford professors some nine months ago. They visited an Irish eviction, where the tenants had barricaded their doors so that they could not be turned eut of their homes. Mr Conybeare, finding that the tenants imprisoned in their homes were starving for want of food, went to a bakers shop, bought bread, and dropped it down to the starving tenants through the chimney. For this he was sent to gaol for six months. Before going to gaol he held 1000 shares of £5 each in the Oceana Land Company. When he came out of prison the other day ho found that his shares had risen in value to over £IOO each, so that his wealth increased during hia term in gaol by £IOO,OOO. “ Cast thy bread on the water, and it will come back to you after many days.” Mr Conybeare fed the poor Q weedore tenants, and suffered imprisonment for it, but good luck compensated him a hundredfold. Coai O’Lanus, K.O.M G.