THE WAYS,OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1864, 12 March 1889, Page 2

THE WAYS,OF THE WORLD.

1 am just now likely to be mixed up in a little bit of trouble, hut I feel I shall come out of it as pleasantly as Parnell has coma out of the Tirnes-Tory-Pigott-Houston conspiracy. The trouble consists In my friend Mr Bad ham taking into his head that I have damaged his credit. He writes " Fir,— Owing to being very busy with my harvest, which by-tho-by is very good this year, I have not yet been able to interview you, but you may rely on it that I shall do so as soon as I have disposed of my harvest. You said that the plant of the Rangitata Advocate was in the pawn ahop—otherwise known as the Bank of New Zealand— and that I was not able to raise sufficient money to release it. I consider tide statement has greatly damaged ray credit, and, therefore, I hereby give you notice that at the next silting of the Supreme Court, 1 shall sue vou for £50,000 damage.—l am, etc., !"F. W. Badham. “ Sir Cori O’Lanus, K C.M.G.”

That really in my estimation is threatening language. First, there is the threat to “ interview ” me, which in America would mean that he would mop tho floor with my clothes before I had time to take them off, or else transfer any brains I have left to the paste pot, Mr Badham, however, evidently has no such intentions, and I am glad of it, for, although Mr Phillips has rather slack times of it at present, I do not wish to play the leading partin putting a job in his way. Mr Badham could not possibly live if he,once brought his beligerent intentions into my sanctum. As for tho £50,000 he claims, it is only his joke. The four noughts are put in as a bit of flourish and mean nothing, of course, bo the whole thing is a matter of a£s note. Well, let him sue ; he cin’t gat the broeks off a Highlander, nor a£s note off me. But, if he goes to law, let him remember it is not a case of “Ask and thou shalt receive.” He must prove, first of all, that he had credit, and what ho had credit for. If be had credit in the bank, I never diminished it by a penny. I d scorn to do such a thing, because the strongroom in the bank is not very accessible. Well, then, what had be credit for ? 1 can get thousands to swear that he never had credit for endangering bis life by blushing himself to death through excessive modesty ; he never had creditfor bis brains being affected by overindulgence in devotional exercises and too much piety ; he never had creditfor being a poet, a philosopher, or even a good costermonger, while his greatest enemy would not accuse him of having wasted soap ? Then, what the deuce has he had credit for, 1 want to know 1 Mr Badham ought to ’settle this question before going to law. [I have met Mr Badham since the above was put in type, and ho compromised tho whole thing for a glass of bear, for which ho himself paid like a man. We are friends once more, and shall be so long as I shout and he pays,]

That observant and skilful physiognomist, Mr 0. E. Hugo, writes to me from Geraldine as fo'lowsThere is decidedly something somniferous in tbe Geraldine air : even the dogs in the street drag themselves along in a half-awake manner, and with an expression of dreamy nonchalance in their eyes. There arc, however, some advantages in dwelling among somnolent surroundings. A pretty young lady said to me : ‘ Yes, I think wo are rather sleepy hero ; but then we do not wear ourselves ont prematurely.’ This remark inspired me to a versiculnr effort, which I shall call A GERALDINE IDYLL. Dear lady, tell me, do, I prav, What is »hat magic art By which you keep Time’s hand away From countenance and heart f Young Eros surely means some harm, And keeps you ever young, To test some new and potent charm By poets yet unsung. She answered me : 1 To tell the truth, I have no charm nor spell; But if I still preserve'mV youth, It i* because I dwell In Geraldine; for there, you know, Time moves with sluggish pace. Indeed, his march is much too slow To catch a girlish face.’ And she continued thus : ‘’Tis plain Soft sleep allays all strife, While age in looks comes on by pain And toil of active life ; But here in Geraldine we spend The most of life in sleep, And, for that reason, to the end Our youthful looks we keep.’ •

Well, now, that is too bad. I could bear all about the dogs. They are dignified, noble, and well-bred animals, which realise fully the meaning of otium cum dig. To "biy the moon,” and perform other plebian acts like the curs Mr Hugo has seen in his travels, they regard ns infra dig, and consequently ho mistakes their high-bred sober manners for “ dreamy nonchalance.” This is neither hero nor there, but what did he mean by telling the young lady she looked sleepy ? He must have said something like that to her because she replied : " Yes, 1 think y». «co

rather sleepy.'* Evidently she was , taken by surprise, for she immediately excuses sleepiness, and he braiks out into poetic rapture. Wei l , now, there are youag Indies in Geraldine for whom I—well, perhaps, I had better put u full atop there. The letst said, &c., in matters of this kind. I was remarking that there are young ladies in Geraldine for whom—no !no ! that is not what I was remarking, but that I—that I—broke out into poetry myself, and by dint of perseverance and whisky managed to grind out the following

SLEEPY LOOK. Oh, Mr Hugo! lam sad That you lack gallantry, You nearly drove me raving mad With your vile pleasantry ; Why, bang my buttons, the disgrace Is more than 1 can brook, You tell a maid with “ girlish face," bhe wears a sleepy look! You, to whom her gentle eyes ■ Are windows to her soul; You, who sees what passion lies ’Tween her profile and poll. Her pretty littls Grecian nose To you is an open book. Her lips; Now, say, do these disclose A sleepy, sleepy look ? Lips, Oh, St. Cupid ! Such as these I’ve seen in Geraldine, Would tempt an anchorite to squeeze Kis own to them I ween. And then, such beaming, laughing eyes, For such orbs gods forsook Their homes in bright, empyrean skies, You say these sleepy look ! Arching brows, bespeaking dasb, And wit, and brilliancy. Just tbe sort I’d like to mash, But, ah ! it cannot be. And dimpled cheek, and wavy hair, Dark as wing of rook. And yet to thee, these only wear A sleepy, sleepy look. Hast seen the color come and go, Her glanoe so coy and meek, The roses underneath the snow On her soft blushing cheek ? Hast marked her noble marble brow, Her fringe that o’er it shook f Do these present, I ask you now, Only a sleepy look ? On zephyr wings, there comes to mo A whisper soft and low, That Cupid’s shafts have sped to thee From eyes with lore aglow, And now thy streaming, waksful eyes, Slumber Has forsook, Thou’rt sleepy; all things ’neath the skies To thee now sleepy bok.

Mr Patrick Egan lias been appointed United States Minister to Mexico. Mr Egan has been only four or five years in America, and it is something extraordinary tint ho should be appointed to one of the highest ofiises in the gift of President Uanison. Mr .I*gan was treasurer of the Land League, and the English Tory Press persistently asserted that he misappropriated the funds. In the articles on “ Parnellism and Crime,” published by the London Times, it was suggested that he paid to the Phcnix Park murderers money as payment for the crime they committed, in the hill of particulars supplied by the solicitors to the Tiroes to Mr Parnell’s solicitor in the commission case, Mr Egan is second on the listof those of the promoters of crime, outrage and murder. Thus it wilt be seen that nothing was left undone to blacken his character, but his appointment now shows the Americans never believed one word of it* The great object The Times had in view was to vilify and slander the Parnellites so as to destroy their influence and alienate American sympathy from them. The appointment of Mr Egan shows how wofully it failed. Let the commission non find what verdict it likes, it c moot alter public opinion. Mr Egan went to America because ho was afraid Government informers would swear away his life. He now represents the United States in the neighboring country of Mexico, and can laugh at all attempts to rob him of his fair fame. Ha is one ot the truest and most trustworthy of men, and has never been guilty of any greater crime than that he managed the finances of the Land League in very trying times with remarkable ability. Gobi O’Lanus, K.C.M.G,