THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1777, 16 August 1888, Page 2

THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

1 have vixited the rink like othsr fools, and I have not forgotten it. I strolled <n one evening wearing that benevolett smile for which I am distinguished, and s.w a number of ladies and gentlemen tailing round and round eternally, imd ii rt ruck me that it muat b« nice. I gut a pair of skates, aDd inslructioni) as to how to use them. I was to!d to keep my head well forward and try to push moog with my feet. 1 fastened on my skated and stood up, but for a five pound note I could not move fo r several minutes. I was nlout three feet away from the seat, to clutch which 1 reached out my ha-jd*, but off went oiy skates and 1 piounly knelt down. It wai not to pny. The situation was not altogether so serious as tb.it. Peals of rioging laughter filled my ears, and I began to thi»k that I was about tVe biggest f >ol of nil the fools that were fooling nil around me. llith wa# nothing for it, 1 hid to gtt up, and in order t«i do so managed to plant on" skated foot firmly on the ioor. Then I made a spring and brought up the other, then I went spluttering about like n young calf when first attempting to wnllt. 1 found that by picking my steps gingerly I could walk a bit, and I did so until I grew bolder and bolder, and I bogan to recollect my instructions to push along with my foot, I tried it, and all of a saddsn up west that foot,, and the top of my skate, which was longer than my boot, vanished up under the coat-tails of a gentleman in front of me, and he said «• Oh 1 * Then there was an earthquake, and I quickly became conscious of the fact that 1 was seated on the loor. Some men who have not yet reached the asylum stnge of lunscj assett that there is a continual current of electricity passing from the top of one's head to the sole of his feet; in fact, that your head and feet ar« continually telegraphing tc each other. If this were so in my case the tel'grapii line would have been broken and communication would have ceased, < but though £ got up a little out of repur nothing so sprioua occurred to me. Duriug this time all present manifested their h'gh appreciation of my performance by indulging in inordi iate laughter. One on'y did not laugh. It was the gentleman who "conflicted" with my skite. He looked around at me iull»nly, neg'<rel to maintain his rquilibrium, ! and went down on the loor. "My friend," [said, "imitation is thesincerest form of littery. 1 feel highly flittered in finding you imitating my performance." He did not recipiocate ; he skated, and shortly afterwards there was ano her earthquake, and the telegraph line would have been annihilated if it had been there, lam certain there is no telegraph line there, because I was continually endeavoring to send down urgent mess ges to my feet, directing them as to how they ought to behave, but their conduct became m<»st refractory, in consequence of which I was for the most part skating on the floor in a horizontal position. Towards the end of the game 1 was prowling al >ng w' en 1 heard a fast skater coming behind m*. I trade an effort to get out of the way, but wenl down instead, and then about a dozm piled'on-top. of me. They appeared to think it was great fun, but I, who was underneath, did not think bo. I got up and said "One fool nukes many" "Aye," one, " und the old fool is worse thin any.'' This wa3 too much. Fancy I, Sir Cori O'Lanus, a Knight Commander of the most distinguished Order of St. Michael and St. George, clled an old fool. I got out of the rink at once, but not without regret, because I found it nice, delightful in fact, and all the fun h in the preliminary stages of it, It h nothing when you pet used to it. The sensation of finding yourself standing on a pair of refractory legs over whom you seem to have no control is exhilirating, brandy-and-water-like, but you do not taete the real delicious lemon-punch degree of delightfu'ness until you find one of your legs going on a journey to the north, and another moving rapidly southwards, wrTile your head is rushing m d'y eastwards, and your left hand is trying to clutch Bome'hing to hold on to in the west. And then, oh ! the noise you kick up in the world is delightful, and the pleasure yon give to all around is beyond expressing. I felt next day just as if I had been at a Dcnnybrook Fair, and I have been happy ever since.

Th<» St. John's Arrbulauco corpa business was all the roge a few yenrs ago, but somehow it has died ou*. Not bo with *ome of the student, oraan W4s knocked dowa in one of the streets of L)odon by a passing vehicle, and had hia leg broken. A lady of the ambulance

corps perfusion rushed in *nd promptly bandaged it with her handkerchief, her paraaoi, and her patient's stick, and all the world wondered ht li«r dexterity, but ulna and a-Uck-a-d«y, it was the wrong leg she had bandaged !

Some illnatored people would doubt!et>s make this l»dy's mistake in bandaging the wrong leg the subject of a dissertation on the absurdity of women aspiring ti become doctors, but 1 urn not going to be betrayed into such stupidity. lam rather inclined to think ;lint women ought to study medicine to a very great extent. lam not sure about their attendance in the dissectiug room, and there are other matters connected therewith on which I do not care to offer a decided opinion, but of one Ihing 1 am certain : Women ought to learn as much as possible about the simple ai metits of children. It would not be difficult to itn[>at knowledge of this nature. It is altogether different to touching what is known bs technical education. Instead of many of the trashy, useless subjects which are treated of in their school book*, lessons on the p.rp.np, measles, etc., conld be given, and in studying such lessons they would acquire useful kuowledge while learning to read. What is the good of geology, ornithology, conohology, <tod all the otlier a»s-ologien that are being crammed into their dear little heads at present t What do the gre it majority of women want to know about Litin and Greek and Julius Caeatr, and.lhe other defunct foreigners they are asked to tidmir t Would it not be better for them to known what to do in the nursery ! 1 think it /rould," and if I hid my way I would insist on them learning it. I would introduce such subjects into theii school books, and I would enact a law forbidding any woman to enter iulo the bonds of matrimony until she had proved to a Board of Examiners that she had acquired suflL-ient knowledge to treat the simple ailments of children. If such t law were in forca the young ladies would work Inrd to acquire the necessary qualification. Wouldn't they just f

That was a rather rough set-to between Olr Edgeler aud the Editor of the Temuju Leader. Why is this thusness? I have h'-ard a grant many people making gue»ses at the c.iuse of the quairol, but none of them seems to me to have bit the mark. In my opinion the real cause of th« quarrel is that they are rival starß. Mr Edgtler has acquired fame and popularity as a benefactor of his people, aod the Editor of the LxaDE* ia envious of him. It is " Knvy, which turns pale Ani sinkens, even if a friend prevail." Mr Edgeler was placed at the top of tho poll at the election, and the Editor is trying now to destroy his chance of reelection by turning tho town into h borough. After al it is nothing. Two great men having a tussle; that's nl]. There is no danger of it eodiog in coffee and pistols. A terrible thing has happened in Americi. There a worn in has had her tongue slit in order to cut a cancer out of it, and all her friends, with the exception of her husband, were in a terrible state for fear Bhe would lose her speech. They were mistaken. She only gained it. She oan talk now on twa different subjects in two languages, and what is more, she talks incessantly, because the two tongues are vying with each other to get in the list word. Her poor husb.tnd's hair turned grey during the first twenty-four hours. Coki O'Lanits, K.C.M,G,