MISCELLANEOUS.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1742, 26 May 1888, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

“Ah, parson,l wish I could take my gold with me,” said a dying man to his pastor.' “It might molt,” was the consoling answer. ; >;

Mrs Quincy Shaw, of Boston, has for eight years spent £IO,OOO a year for th'e support of the free kindergarten in 'the poorest quarters of that city. Private credit ;is wealth, public honor r is .security.»• The feather that adorns : the royal bird’ supports its flight;strip him of his plumage and you fix him to the earth.—Junius. Father : 44 What: do you think of a boy that throws a banana skin on the •sidewalk ?” * Son; “ I don’t know. What do you think of a hamana skin, that throws a man on the, side walk?” Police Sergeant: Is the man dangerously wounded?” Irish Police Surgeon: 44 Two of the wounds are mortal; hut the third can be cured, provided the man keeps perfectly quiet for at least six weeks.”

Two large farms in North Hants have just been let'rent free, the only conditions being that the buildings are to he maintained and the land properly cultivated, and the tenants are to pay tithes, rates, and taxes. A thoughtful old Scotchman exhorted his daughter in this fashion — 44 Jeanie/my lass, it’s a vera solemn thing to, be married.” 44 1 ken that weel, father, replied Jeanie promptly; but its a great deal solemner not to be.” ..

“An Admirer” writes enquiring what a young couple usually do after falling in love. We have no personal experience in these matters, but after careful observation we have come to the conclusion that they usually fall out. Young Lieutenant; “Itis a difficult thing to choose a wife. A beauty without money—my father is unwilling ; a homely girl with money—l am unwilling ; a beauty with money—her father is unwilling; an ugly girl with no money—pah!” “ How is money ? ” said a middleaged man, wearing a withered-looking coat, as he entered the office of a wellknown broker. “Is there much of a demand for it now?” “No, sir. Very slight demand.” “ Ah! In that case perhaps you can accommodate jhe;;v»‘ith fonrpence to get a night’s lodging.”

1 Captain of ironclad to artilleryman: “Do you seq that .Chinese general there, about three miles off ? Let him have one of those Bin. shells in his eye.” Artilleryman (equal to the situation): “ Aye,; aye, sir; which eye, your honor ? ’’ A Hartford woman lost her life by jumping off a moving train backwards. It seems strange _ that out of four million paragraphs printed every year warning people not to jump off a train backward, not one by any chance meets a woman’s eyes.

Uncle: “ Why did you fail to pass the examination ?” “ Nephew: “On account of a mere difference of opinion between the fellow who examined us and myself.” Uncle •' “How was that?” “ Oh, I thought one side gained the battle in an ancient war, and he fancied it was the other.” At the Maidstone Sessions three young women, domestic servants, lyere. sentenced to twelve months for having consumed £SO worth of provisions, and drank 55. bottles of wines, during their employer’s absence. They ffiad been having “ high life below stairs,” and entertaining their sweethearts and friends.

The'father of the present Earl of Fife was a curious, specimen of the kilted race. He was one day with the Queen, and attracted her attention and surprised her by sayibg, “Your Majesty will he pleased to hear that I have left off drinking soda and brandy. The Queen, smiling, said, “I am glad to hear it, Lord Fife.” His Lordship thereupon made the further remark: “Your Majesty will be pleased to learn that I have taken to soda and whisky instead.”

A subscriber writes to an unscrupulous editor: “I have a horse that has lately suffered from periodical fits of dizziuess. Please answer through your valuable paper, and let me know what I should do with him. I’m afraid he will get worse if something is not done soon.” The’editor replies : 44 Our honest advice, based on a perusal of that capital hook:. 4 Every Man his Own Horse-doctor/ would be to take him some time!,when he is not dizzy and sell him to a stranger.* ' Robert Taylor was driving through the streets of Buffalo when his horse fell.' He' struck' the animal with a whip and at once received such a shock that he ; was rendered unconscious. A nigger .came forward* but as soon as he' touched the horse: he fell down scfeechibg fearfully, and died in a few minutes. 'ltwas at once seen that his hands were burnt to the bone. The affair was afterwards explained. The horse had got entangled m a broken telephone wire, and the nigger received an electric shock through the horse.; ■: 1

“ Gentlemen of the jury,” said the judge on their return from the jury room, “areyduagreed upon a verdict?” 4t are,” replied the foreman solemnly. “ What say you ? Did you find the prisoner at the bar guilty; or not guilty ?”,.v 44 Ghuiltyof murder ’in the first degree.” “ Guilty of murder in the first degree!” . exclaimed the judge in the utmost astonishment. “ Why, the prisoner is only charged with stealing chickens! What earthly reason have you got for bringing in such an outrageous verdict as that!” “ Tour honour,” replied the foreman of the jury, looking timidly over the crowded court room, “we plead selfdefence.” * : ‘