THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1540, 15 January 1887, Page 2

THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

The compositor who found fault with my notes in the last issue has regained a perpendicular position, and with it a wonderful faculty for appreciating wit and humor. He says now he never read in his life anything so clever or amusing as my notes. The fact is, he has become a nuisance to his fellow workmen, for he persists in laughing boisterously at every paragraph as he “ seta it.” It is wonderful the effect the toe of my boot has had upon him, and I cannot but regard the discovery I have thus made as very important. Only for the amount of exertion it would entail 1 would go round and treat every unappreciative reader similarly, until ! had opened their eyes to the cleverness of my writing. I may possibly do it yet.

Owing, however, to what occurred last issue, 1 am now rather late with my notes, and several subjects have become stale on this account. For instance, I intended to write on the Hayes v. Hajes case, but it is raiher too long past. 1 must say, a few words on the subject, howeve.r It was not a divorce suit, as at first glance one would be led, to think; it was a case in which Dr Hayes sued Samuel Hayes for £l3 15s fid, just to show the world he has no more respect for the name than for any other name, so long as there is money to be made out of bringing it before the Court. In this case the Court nonsuited Dr Hayes, and when Samuel Hayes asked for his expenses the Court refused to allow them, The Court did this : It said Samuel Hayes, you are not liable to pay toDrH iyes the money he claims from you; hut you will not be allowed any*

thing for the expense you have been put to ia being brought from Soutbbridge —t distance of about 80 miles—to defend an action fur a debt which you do hot owe and never owed.” The great excuse Mr Beswiok bad for adopting this most extraordinary and certainly illegal course was that Samuel never took any notice of the account rendered to him by John Shaw. It was certainly an unmannerly thing for Samuel to do, and if every one guilty of ill-bred behaviour were punished so severely we should have more politeness in the country. However, probably Samuel deserved the leaaon be got. But I do not thiok Mr Beswick is paid for teach-{ ing people manners; bis business is to administer the law, and in this he administered it in juxtaposition te justice. . An American farmer took it into his to give an aristocratic name to hie son. His name was Jenkins, and he thought it was not high-sound-ing enough, so he presented bis firstborn at the local church, and told the parson be wanted him to be christened Abel Benjamin Caleb Daniel Ezra Felix Gabriel Haggai Israc Jacob Kish Levi Manoah Nehemiah Obadiah Peter Quartos Bechnb Samuel Tobiah Uzziel Yariah Word Xystus Yariab Zecharinh Jenkins. Tho parson stood aghast—he said that never a man had been given such a name, but the farmer quoted Scripture and pointed out they ware ail scriptural names and that the} embrace the whole alphabet. He insisted oo his instructions being carried out, and the parson went on strike sooner than obey. The Church authorities were appealed to, and a deputation of the most prominent churchmen waited upon the farmer, but all to no use ; he insisted upon the whole of the alphabet being employed in giving a name to his son, One of the deputation suggested a compromise. He said if the child were christened Abel Zechariab, the first and the last letter of tbe alphabet began these two names. Ibis would do at present; ns he grew up be could accumulate the balance at the rate of a letter a year. He would thus eventually become possessed of a name which would embrace the whole alphabet. The father after a good deal of persuasion agreed to this course, and the parson, seeing no objection, baptized the child. A gruesome tale cornea from the Swiss Alps, ; i A party of guides were searching for some lost excursionists and found s corpse. in a crevasse.. It was that of a man dressed in the flapped waistcoat, knee-breeches, buckled shoes, etc., of tbe last century, and of the coins which still remained io his pocket none bore a later date than 1765. Tbe body was frozen hard, and as it lay in a cavern deep down Jn the icy pit it had suffered no injury, Even the eyes preserved their life-like expression, though they bad been staring out for 100 years fram that lohely cave as if looking tor tbe relief which was so long in coming. ' . ■ ■ An Irishman took a contract to dig a public well. When he bad dug. about twenty*five feet down, he came back one morning and found it caved in—filled nearly to the top. Pat looked cautiously round and saw that no person was near, then took off his hat and coat and hung them on the windlass, crawled into some bushes and waited events. In a short time the citizens discovered that the well had caved in, and seeing Fat’s hat and coat on the windlass, they supposed he was at the bottom of the excavation. Only a few hours of brisk digging cleared the loose earth from the well. Just as the eager citizens had reached the bottom, and were wondering where the body was, Pat came walking ont of the bushes, and good-naturedly thanked them for relieving him of a sorry job. Some of the tired diggers were disgusted, but the joke was too good to alio v anything more than a hearty laugh, which soon followed. Com O’Lanus.